Saved By The Bike
Addiction is typically defined as a bad thing. Addiction to drugs, to alcohol, sex or even work is usually portrayed as a condition to be battled, to overcome. The same sources may recommend a strict regime of regular exercise and healthy living as the perfect antidote to the bad addictions that befall an overwhelming majority of the general populace. We are convinced that an ‘exercise addict’, ‘gym junkie’ or ‘health nut’ is a tag that we should be proud to hang around our necks, not something to be fought. But take away the words ‘exercise’, ‘gym’ and ‘health’, and all you’re left with is an undesirable character of questionable sanity with bad skin and rotten teeth. And no-one wants to be that person.
I’ve known, and know, a lot of people with a lot of addictions during my life. Moreso, I’ve been/am one myself. Both good and bad. The one unifying addiction throughout has been Cycling. It seems Cyclists are of the predisposition that doing something, anything, is best done to excess. I don’t really have any Cycling friends who ‘just do it on the weekends’, as one might play golf or go to the movies or ballroom dancing. Ok, those ballroom dancers seem to be a bit obsessed, too. But Cyclists, no matter how hard they try to kick the habit just seem to keep coming back, over and over again. And I’ve never heard a doctor or so-called expert tell a Cyclist to give that shit up before it sends them to an early grave. So what we’ve got ourselves is a ‘good addiction’.
Long before I ever read the tale of Guns n Roses’ bassist Duff McKagan’s pancreas exploding and his subsequent absolution through mountain biking (in BIKE magazine sometime in the 90s), I’d been fighting my own demons, and using the bike to help conquer them. Still am. Being a hard-drinking/drugging bassist (then later a DJ) and mountain biker myself at the time, I drew a lot of comparisons between us. I took some inspiration from his story, despite not being a fan of the band, and used it to tip the balance in favour of riding rather than partying.
I’d also been surrounded by a lot of other Cyclists who had delved a lot further into the sport than I ever had, and who had their own personal battles to fight. Some were up against alcoholism, others drugs, depression, or failed relationships. And on more than a few occasions, I heard the term “saved by the bike” quoted. Among all the turmoil, in the maelstrom of a life gone awry, their constant saving grace, the rock on which they could rebuild a solid foundation for happiness, or at least some form of normality – contentment, perhaps – was the bicycle. It was always there for them, silent, trustworthy, reliable, even if many other aspects of their situation weren’t. I wouldn’t hesitate to wager that it still is there for most, if not all of them. I know it is for me, and always will be.
Whenever I need saving, I know where to look.
The only antidote for mental suffering is physical suffering. -KM
Are those with non addictive personalities doomed to fail at cycling?
Concur. And since I am addicted to food, cycling is something of a natural fit.
Oh, and I’m addicted to sleeping and hot women too.
This is shaping up to be the best month of new articles this site has ever seen. Absolutely spot on fantastic, brett.
Awesome article Brett and thanks for sharing. The last 12 months have been challenging for me: break up of a long-term relationship, father’s illness/death, major changes at work, new boss. All pretty much happening simultaneously. Did the bike save me? I’m not sure if I’d put it in those exact terms but I don’t know what I’d have done without it. In short, when all else was seemingly going to hell in a handbasket, the bike was there for me whenever I wanted/needed it. And I needed it a lot.
Reject the addiction/obsession label!
I choose to be passionate.
Negative labeling of those who embody passion is a refuge for the mediocre.
@velocodger
Excellent!
@Jamie +1
@velocodger Perhaps if you explained a little about why you would call it passion rather than obsession. At least Brett has set out his stall, even if you don’t choose to buy from it.
Argument is fine, contradiction is dull.
Saved by the wheelie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EoJ66sNkog
Its always interested me in how life works out
Saved by the bike is the first read, now that I am back. Its been a long 2 weeks, but I’m back
I T-boned a car doing ~40kph, some happless mommy running to the babysitter half ass pulled out in front of me, then stopped, and Souleur had no place to go, but into her driver side door & over the car, which I did. No worries, I was ok, but as I jumped up I ran around the car…& sophie was busted all up on the ground. If it had been the scene of a dead body with blood and eviscerated organs all over the ground, I would have been no less sick to my stomach. Saved by the bike, and my friend sophie whom I loved lay there fractured in pieces with a fractured fork, and fractured headtube welds. It seemed like she took the hit for me, almost in a sacrifical love sort of way. Lil Mommy was concerned about me, but I was a fuckin mess because my love of 13 years had just passed before my eyes, the very first real bike I had, that I had bought, a hand made Italian welded beauty inspired by Pantani…lay there good as dead.
She saved me, you know, like you say, the one you can always run to, depend on, suffer WITH and never complained
I simply cared mutually for her over 13 years
Don’t get me wrong, I have had other wrecks, split helmets, sewed my scalp back on etc, but this one, really messed with me because I really lost alot. Sophies gone
I had just sold my damocles, lost sophie and the shed is empty, and I am in a position to buy again, and until I just ran across this new frameset, I just didn’t give a rats ass. I got up and fired up my beloved landcruiser and just drove to work like everyone else. Seems I am a bit lost, mad, perhaps even a little more than sad about this, but my singlespeed fixie is all I have in the shed. I have taken her out again, one I saved, in that she had cable boss’s that basically became un-usable, and I converted her over to a fixie. After riding her the past 3 days, she has saved me. Interesting how that works out. I feel like looking again, looking at frames, one even inspired me and I had to call and talk to someone…a dude and he said he rocked the shit out of his and loved it…which again, is just guy talk but inspired and interested me
Saved..no doubt, but I suppose this can be a mutual thing
& putting this into words…its just sometimes too deep to adequately relay the full message and meaning
I completely agree. The bike has been the barrier between me and some rather upsetting places. Life just seems so much better on or with a bicycle.
Well, if you guys have been paying attention to the phrases and imagery I use in my guest articles and my posts you may have been able to come to the understanding that “the Rock on which I can build a solid foundation for happiness” might be a little different than brett’s – but I can relate to what he is saying completely. My life has run the gamut of military service, stoner/death metal guitarist, restauranteur while married to a wealthy, gorgeous, control freak, etc. and the one constant, the one thing I always return to is the bike.
But I’d like to add to brett’s excellent insight the notion of the age reversing effect that cycling can have on us – not only physically but mentally. When on the bike I am no longer the respectable, middle-aged husband that holds a decent job and a position of authority at a local church. I become a kid that loves tear-assing around through traffic like some bullet-proof N.Y. bike messenger. I giggle childishly to myself when cranked over at the limits of tire adhesion. I am not above a drag race with the neighborhood kids on their BMX bikes that foolishly think they can out sprint this old man.
Man, I love bikes.
@Souleur
Relax, all right? My old man is a television repairman, he’s got this ultimate set of tools. I can fix it.
@Cyclops
I am no longer the respectable, middle-aged husband that holds a decent job and a position of authority at a local church.
Not to mention sole propriter of the awesome, hand-built Deacon Bikes and Idaho State champ in the above category. (Or was it something else?)
@wiscot
That too.
@Jamie
I don’t think you can find true greatness in a single thread without being addicted to that thread. Being unable to pull yourself away from something is really the only way to give yourself completely over to it, and that is the essence of an addiction. Speaking as someone who has never suffered substance addiction, but certainly jumps from addiction to addiction in a healthier sense.
That’s not to say that addictive persons are the only ones who achieve, plenty of people carry on perfectly normal levels of achievement in a well rounded way, but those that shine above all others in a specific area, likely are addicted to it, and probably suffer failure at a lot of other things in pursuit of their addiction. I would say this is true of business magnates as much as it is cyclists, football players, or sports broadcasters. Many of these people at the top of their respective professions are singleminded, all-in types, that are susceptible to the tendencies that create destructive addictions. If you can keep it focused on the “good” addictions, it is unlikely to ruin your life, if you can’t, well… Again, I’ve never suffered the hell that must be substance addiction, but if someone needed a mind altering drug the way I need a workout, well I can only imagine that would put a damper on your life.
The Keepers are on fire this week – great posts! This ties in nicely to Franks last post as both have got me thinking about what early defining moments I had that sparked my love of bicycles (and suffering) and where I am today as a result. I can say the genie was out of the bottle the first time I bombed our local BMX attraction that claimed many a youths first and second layers of skin – the dreaded “Monkey Hill. The feeling I had standing at the top looking down was amplified only when I jumped the gravel road from the ditch and powered up the backside pitch on my Kuwahara Nova. The beautiful thing is that I still get the same rush 31 years later knocking out a really hard climb on a long ride or hammering a descent at speeds that defy sanity.
@Cyclops you said it brother! Its about being a kid again. In normal life I’m a 56 year-old husband and father of three. I’m getting sore when I walk, or bend down, etc. But put me on my bike, and I’m a kid again. No soreness, my legs feel so strong, and I’m free to hum along on the road and put the hurt on as many youngsters as I can find. And like-wise be on the receiving end of someone else’s hurt stick, but it all feels so good.
And yes, I too love bikes.
Now nearly 8 years clean, I can say that there are not many things more appreciated, vital in fact, than hearing another person’s story. I’ve heard a lot of stories and the only ones that get tiresome are those that are dishonest. So thanks for yours Brett.
A component of pathological addiction is obsession. Cycling became a healthy substitute for that obsession. Sure, you don’t have to be an addict or obsessive to enjoy or excel at cycling (I am the exception that proves the rule). Passion is hot and emotional. Obsession is cold and mechanical. And the two are not mutually exclusive.
One truism you hear in the rooms is that the first high is always the best and can never be duplicated. I will say emphatically that this is not the case for cycling.
@Souleur Seriously, that is a sad story. There will be future bikes that are as good, but never another Sophie. My condolences.
Stalking these articles and comments for a few months now, but never felt truly compelled to reply until this one.
Been on and off the path of hard drinking and heading toward oblivion when, in a moment of clarity on my twenty-third birthday, decided to completely stop cold turkey. No weening down, no easing off, just stop. Having stopped before and never sticking with it, I knew something had to fill the gap, as self destructive behavior doesn’t just go away.
Fortunately I had been riding on and off by myself, as well as once a week with a local shop’s evening ride, and a few of the riders were nice enough to take me under their wing by bringing me out to the much faster and more difficult morning rides in the area. Quickly gained an appreciation for the incredible feeling this intensity of riding could give a person. Also became familiar with the incredible physical and mental suffering beyond which any bad night of drink could provide. And of course, I got my ass dropped. A lot.
Never was much of one for moderation, and have always done everything in excess. With hard drinking the gratification was immediate, however it only lasted as long as the drink and rewarded with nothing but pain and the anxiety of actions forgotten the next morning. Hard riding provided immediate pain and suffering which at times made one question their motives for participating, but rewarded with an incredible and lasting feeling of strength and accomplishment. Both activities when taken to excess could provide similar feelings of euphoria and excitement, but cycling provides a much more sustainable and lasting feeling, whereas the feelings provided by the drink fade into a hangover the next day.
The most grueling rides can completely crush my very will to live and make me never want to ride a bike again, however this feeling never lasts the ride. Even after a vicious headwind-both-ways 160km ride, 60km of which were taken at 45km/h before I succumbed to the pain and dropped off the group, leaving me to ride the remainder alone. Upon its completion I was left in a condition barely allowing me to unclip and climb off of my seat. Regardless, all I felt was pride at my accomplishment.
Almost a year after stopping I still don’t consider myself an alcoholic, but would certainly not say I was in control of my life. Now however I will proudly call myself a cyclist, and finally have a feeling of control in my life, and my future, for the first time I can remember. A few years of my life have been wasted, quite literally, but now as I approach my twenty-fourth birthday I have everything to look forward to, and a welcome new addiction to tend to.
@ChrisO
“Is this the right room for an argument?”
@ElHardeen
Welcome! And hopefully this community will offer some help and encouragement as you get things together. Good luck.
@ElHardeen
Preach it, brother.
@ ElHardeen Welcome aboard
“It seems Cyclists are of the predisposition that doing something, anything, is best done to excess.”
This is the perfect embodiment of the entirety of my life. I’ve been saved by the bike from unemployment.
@Jamie Cycling as a lifestyle or…otherwise? Competitive cycling, perhaps. Cycling to fill a void, cycling for enjoyment, thrill, pleasure, cycling for the social aspect…..or any other of the thousands of unspoken reasons we pull up our straps, rub some cream on our junk, saddle up and push the peddles day after day, through the sun, the fog, the sleet, the mist, the snow, the hail and the rain? I’d wager not.
Cycling indeed saved me from post-college athletic limbo. I needed some time away from the sport I’d given most of my life too after a bad experience in college with a negative, untrustworthy coach. I was living in a big city, I reluctantly joined a gym and was packed in with all the other 9-5ers grunting and sweaty after a day at a desk. I even started jogging. Standing waiting for a bus one morning I saw a guy cruise by on a bike. Why am I wasting my time standing here? I dipped a toe into commuting and now I’m a fervent Follower. Still haven’t gone back to that sport.
Now the only problem is that I like riding so much I do it too often and have been in grad school limbo for too long. I have to make June a month largely off the bike but yes, consider me addicted.
Nice work, Brett!
Christ, this is like following the Who and Jimi on stage. I’m going to slink away for a while.
Bretto, really nice post. For unknown reasons I’m relatively steady so I’m always happy to be reminded of my luck there. And being a cyclist for over, gulp, thirty-five years, it has always been there. No getting drunk Saturday night as I have a ride on Sunday. I may not kill it on Sundays but I always want to be good enough. The athlete’s life demands moderation in all things but our sport, where we must hammer our brains out. It’s perfect.
If I wasn’t a cyclist…I’m not sure what I’d be but it wouldn’t be as good.
Three years ago I got my ass handed to me in the workplace – real daytime soap opera stuff reflecting the sickest organization I’ve ever seen. Before I was shown the door I found work in N Minnesota…but we had to walk away from our dream home, and my VMH the job she loved. It always sucks to get screwed-over, but middle age [when you’re at the top of your game] is especially hard. Thoughts of returning to the bad old days of hard drinking and drugging came and went. Instead I returned to my bicycle.
I poured the Molotov cocktail of my anger and resentment out on the road…long solo rides, mostly. My family saw the change. They knew when I needed ‘road time’ and unselfishly gave their blessing. Over time, I got cleaned out by the stories authored and re-authored on the road. The hum of the drivetrain whilst being stretched-out over my machine suspends all the thinking in favor of the doing. Many demons have been exorcised thus. Though I’m a person of faith, I need to pair doing with believing – for me the bike bridges that gap.
Souleur – sorry to read about this. I hope you get it sorted out soon!
ElHardeen – excellent to read this tale of finding something new. Glad you jumped on a bike!
@Souleur
Yeah, my condolences too. Luckily, there will be another great bike for you, not sophie but something else epic.
Usually takes 50-60km before the noise in my head starts to quiet down. Now, if I just had that kind of time every day, I don’t think I would need quite so much medication.
A lot of smart folks here, who have bracingly good taste and the ability to set the right example for others without being fucking annoying about it.
Souleur, I’m sorry for your loss and wishing you great new things in the future. I’m thinking new Italian steel with a paint job finished by Bill Nelson. (I bet he’d do it, too.)
@Souleur
To tears for your lost girl.
@xyxax
Its funny; I wrote about Cycling as an addiction about a year ago, yet as I read this I instinctively reacted that I’m not addicted to Cycling; I’m obsessed by it and passionate for it. Looking at the old article, this quote stands out
This is very interesting and I think most if not all those requirements are met by the Cyclist personality – at least a large portion of the Velominati.
Addiction it is, then. But along with healthy doses of obsession, passion, and enjoying the shit out of it. And with every subsequent high being as good or better than the the previous.
As my cycling mentor used to say to me as he started a sprint to the next road sign, “I feel the need for speed” .
Addiction, obsession, passion, aficion, and whatever -ion fits the mold with regards to cycling is just plain bad ass good. Period.
Thanks for the warm welcome guys, not an ideal way to introduce myself but hey, I’m amongst addicts right?
Really enjoyed reading the articles so far and feel I’m on the path of enlightenment.
Being of similar build to @frank I have been quite interested in his postings about his fit and position. After dreaming of a ridiculously high seat post I have, over the past couple of weeks, started to work my seat post up to what I had previously thought was too high and worked my bars down one spacer at a time to completely resting on the top race of the headset. Massive improvement to handling and riding comfort. Short or normal proportioned people say what you want about Frank’s fit, it works for the tall and lanky.
And @Xyxax and @frank great point on the high being the same if not better every time. What a great addiction this is.
Yes, Uncle Gianni, yes! This is spot on: “The athlete’s life demands moderation in all things but our sport, where we must hammer our brains out. It’s perfect.”
Sport has been the centerpiece of my life for, well, my entire life. I’m really thrilled these days it’s cycling; it fits in perfectly with my schedule, life and needs. Might change, who knows, but I’m pretty damn happy to be a Velominatus at this point!
Okay, on the topic of addiction…
I do a lot of work, reading, and research on food. I’ve also cooked for a living.
It’s impossible not to notice the obesity epidemic. And also the obsession with food, food television, and being “into” food. (I find this part funny, as a lot of times a cyclist is just shoving something in to keep going. Taste, consistency, who cares?) But I’ve also noticed a new movement to be happy with oneself no matter the size. This is a good thing. But at the same time, there are a lot of people who aren’t naturally that size/weight.
Yes, people shouldn’t be mocked or ridiculed, but what about self-control? Some people have bad genes – they like the bottle or the dust or, yes, the food too much. But then there are people who allow themselves to slip into trouble. As cyclists we know about Winter Weight and we also know it’s a pretty simple equation – in vs. out.
Yes, not everyone can (or wants to) look like the Chicken. And yes, health and obesity are related to poverty and income. But there are a whole lot of people who need to take responsibility for their size and not simply say that’s how they’re meant to be or that being fat is okay and obesity doesn’t equal unhealthy.
It’s perfectly normal now to know someone who has had their stomach stapled. Imagine someone telling you they stapled their mouth shut so they’d stop chugging vodka? I’m just concerned and dismayed by this movement I’ve noticed going on to love yourself no matter the size, despite a lot of the size issues being controllable. (again, yes, not good to tell teens they should look like Mr. Universe or a supermodel, but…where to draw the line with saying its okay being you, no matter what size/weight?)
I just wonder how many people are “addicted” to food because it is filling in holes in their lives or selves. We can talk honestly and openly about drug or alcohol addiction yet obesity seems to be something we have to whisper about and act as if it’s something forced upon the person when with the sheer numbers of obese people today you can’t chalk all of it up to bad genetics.
Just things I’ve been thinking about and can’t share in too many places, lest I be seen as discriminating. As a cyclist the weight equation is very simple. Yet the problem is getting worse on a global scale and no one seems to have any answers.
@gregorio
Another great tale. I’m happy you’ve been able to move on, find a new place/space and very, very awesome that crank turnin’ helped you out! Keep on truckin’.
@Ron
I feel exactly the same way regarding “being okay with your body”. Of course, you should be confident in yourself, but if you need to lose some weight, you need to lose some weight. Sure genetics play a part, but it is hard to not lose weight when your intake is less than your use.
One of my relatives had her stomach stapled, and just didn’t follow the diet afterwards. She lost a good bit of weight, but there wasn’t definitely more that could have come off. She used to talk about losing X amount of weight, not through any measurement, she could just “feel it”. Then she has the nerve to always comment on how skinny I am in a disapproving way. Grinds my gears endlessly. I did put some weight (insulation as I like to think of it, it gets cold here) on over the winter, and she still goes on about it. The dichotomy and doublethink involved is mind-boggling.
@Ron Love this post. I hate people who can’t take responsibility to look after themselves, then expect to be cared for when they ruin their bodies. As you say, there are those who are going to have a hard time controlling their weight because of genes, but the vast majority of obese people have no good excuse.
Then again, all I see is a Velominatus with an awesome blue headtube climbing like a Master, with some guy on a wooden thing in the back ground.
(Relax, I’m have been confirmed and I was raised Roman Catholic.)
@Ron, DerHoggz, Fins and anyone… This article is worth a read. A doctor working in an obesity clinic basically asking very similar questions among other insights. Very well written too IMHO.
http://www.themonthly.com.au/issue/2013/march/1361848247/karen-hitchcock/fat-city
@The Engine At least it isn’t Being Hit On The Head lessons.
@Jamie
No. They can just succeed differently.
@Brett
Excellent article, my friend.
The quality articles published by @Brett and @Kah this month makes me proud to be part of the Welliminati. And yes, I am also obsessed with cycling.
@xyxax “I’ve heard a lot of stories and the only ones that get tiresome are those that are dishonest.”
+1
Thanks for this. I’ve recently completed my first full year on the bike. Logged just over 17,000 km, and I must admit that the bike, and this community, have very likely saved my life. I don’t post very often, but I read everything you guys write, every day. The inspiration gets me off my ass and on the road, even on those days when I think it’s the last thing I want to do.
I don’t know anybody these days who doesn’t have a stressful job. I know I do, and I love everything about it. The problem is that I’m kind of addicted to the stress. Over the course of 2011, I wound up in the cardiac unit three times. Symptoms always the same: extreme tachycardia and dangerously high blood pressure. I went through all of the tests they give and was told by the specialists that my heart muscle was extremely healthy and functioning normally. Fortunately, my GP is a good friend (makes the prostate and hernia exams a little strange), and, knowing what my professional life is like, took the time to sit me down for some straight talk, which included the phrase, “you have to make some changes or you WILL DIE.” Hearing that at 42, will get your attention.
I knew that I had to get myself out of the office at a decent hour every day and commit myself to an exercise program that would reduce the physical impact of the stress. I thought I would go back to swimming, having been a mildly successful competitive swimmer when I was younger. Funny thing about swimming: staring at a black tile stripe for hours on end doesn’t occupy your mind very well. I found that I was spending that time thinking about work and leaving the pool just as spun up as I was when I got there, if not more.
Fortunately, another good friend intervened and gave me a very generous gift certificate to my LBS for my birthday. More importantly, he took the time to call the owner and explain my situation. They hooked me up and I haven’t looked back. I must say here that I’m well aware just how fortunate I am to have such great friends, and I try my best to be worthy.
The greatest thing about riding, as far as I’m concerned, is that I have to PAY ATTENTION. If I drift off and start thinking about work, I’m very liable to hurt myself or someone else. Riding doesn’t get me out of my head as much as it keeps me in the moment. It sounds very obvious and simplistic, but this has been a real revelation for me.
Am I addicted? No. I’m not powerless over the bike, although the VMH might disagree. But it has become an integral component of my identity and my daily life. I wouldn’t have it any other way. This December will mark two years since my last visit to the ER (knock wood). Everything about my life is better, and at the risk of sounding like a total sap, all of you crazy fuckers have, unwittingly, played a huge role in that transformation.
Thanks, and sorry for the length. Been wanting to get that off my chest for a while, and Brett’s spot-on post finally pushed me over the edge.
VlVV!
@wiscot
I had the same happen a few years ago (dad, relationship, work upheaval) and poured a lot of ugly energy out on the bike. With the benefit of hindsight a few things I did at that time helped, a lot didn’t, but the bike was one of the great ones. Recreational substances definitely occupied a lot of space there as attempts at self medicating but really, I only discovered how self destructive that period was after. Throughout this time Bretto was a good mate even with hilariously bad attempts at picking up women (be careful about going to craft beer bars with vegetarians who drop their guts then get you to go break the ice with women a few metres away who are near to gagging). Dunno where I’m going with this, life’s rich tapestry I guess but it’s good to have folk like Brett around from time to time.
BTW, Bretto, what the fuck is that thing on your head?
What is this business about it being a “good” addiction ? Yeah yeah – all the parts about actually riding are good. The feel of the open road, the smell of a country road in the morning…
But the addiction? – the framesets !!!! The clothing !!!! The tools !!! the bits, the wheels, the “spares” the porn websites (Comp.Cyc. et al especially the page where you can specify your fantasy). Did I say the tools ? There should be a Rule #12.1. A man has never enough tools.
I have to go to work now.