Breathing Through Your Ears
Suffering is part of Cycling the way alcohol is part of liver failure: they are obviously connected but it’s too much fun to stop and think about why you do it. Grace finds us through La Volupté, but her touch is rare and we generally are far better acquainted with her husband, The Man with the Hammer. That guy is a bit of an asshole.
We typically don’t want to let anyone we’re riding with know how much we’re suffering, but I do admit to indulging in a Virenque or Voekler-style Five-Face to further bewilder the passing traffic while I’m killing it up the local leg breaker or crushing the 53×11 while overtaking the cars along the various boulevards in town.
But any time I’m riding with someone, I go to great lengths to ensure I hide my suffering in totality. I’ll start chatting to the rider next to me whenever I hurt. Or when I don’t hurt but I know they’re hurting. You know the drill. Bernard Hinault used to attack whenever he felt really like shit because if he was off the front, no one could see how much he was suffering. That’s a really good way to go about it, so long as your name starts with “Bernard” and ends with “Hinault”.
There is an expression in Cycling, “Breathing through your ears”. It’s meaning is twofold; on one hand it means you’re feeling desperate to open up any orifice in your body to allow more oxygen into the organism, on account of the wholesale suffering that you’re experiencing. On the other hand, it means you’re also not breathing through your mouth, for fear of betraying your Suffer Monkey Score to those you’re riding with.
Both interpretations are equally valid; take your pick. Vive la Vie Velominatus.
@RobSandy
Or put another way: Make everyone else suffer more than you so that you have something more left at the end than they do. Better yet, so they’re not there at the end at all. But you have to pick your moments for doing this.
@wilburrox
Yes, this is something to be proud about:
“So, next time around as she’s coming up the small hill to where I’m watching the race and she has laser beam eyes focused on me as if the white hot heat of a thousand suns were to burn holes thru me. She was mad. Very. I’ll never forget that look from my little sweetheart princess.”
@Sparty
Excellent! Yes. And this is something that cannot be taught, no matter how hard you try.
My oldest son is a very good runner, doing super XC times and made varsity this freshman year but he does NOT have the killer instinct. I was talking to him before a race one time and we had scouted the course. I gave him the advice to drill it and kill it on this one hill section and to really put the hurt on everyone around him, really put them into the pain cave. He just looked at me and respectfully said, “Nah, I will go hard there but just to see how fast I can go, not to hurt anyone else.” He still placed top ten out of allcomers but he just doesn’t HAVE that killer instinct.
His sister, on the other hand, will kill you in your sleep if it will help her win a match. She is VICIOUS. Fair, honourable but vicious!!!
After a Rugby match some years ago….
Me (to my Mum): What do you think?
Mum: You’re vicious, I’m not watching again.
Me: Eh?
Mum: There’s no need to tackle people that hard.
Me: But Mum they’re all bigger than me.
Mum: I don’t care, your just vicious. There’s just no need to hit them that hard.
I’ve always been a quantum higher in competition than I was in training. Competition always brings out the best/worst in me (depending on your point of view).
@wilburrox
Just think, in a few years time some poor sucker of a bloke is also going to be on the receiving end of that at some point!
@Buck Rogers
Love this – a code to live by for sure! If it’s going to suck, you might as well enjoy it!
@Buck Rogers
I love how much his mud mask looks like a gladiator’s mask! So classic! And those baby blues! Such a studmuffin.
@Buck Rogers
@ Buck Rogers
Perplexing isn’t it? I am sure you and others can relate. I am the eldest of three siblings. I am not sure if it is a factor of being the first born, but neither of my siblings were as dedicated or had that “killer instinct” in their sports (brother played ice hockey and sister was a swimmer). I believe have to be born with it. There are people who can temporarly fake it, but eventually their true nature shows. It isn’t a factor of your sex, age, size, strength, sport, etc. It is 110% psychological. And maybe a little chemical imbalance in our brains. Ha.
@Sparty
Yes. Completely agree. Some things just cannot be taught or instilled; you either have it or you don’t.
@wiscot
I never said the Mapei kit was pretty, but it’s mega awesome in its ugliness and iconic garishness and it’s still one of my favourites of all time.
@Teocalli
You’re missing a stage between 1 & 2.
Mouth foam, snot bubbles & tears.
@Oli
This. Sometimes ugliness can be beautiful. I’m with you on the Mapei kit.
@Frank: Nice writing, but as a doctor I have to note that you have mixed up actions and consequences.
Your “Suffering is part of Cycling the way alcohol is part of liver failure” should be “Suffering is part of Cycling the way liver failure is a part of alcohol”; You cycle, you suffer, you drink, you get liver failure, see…
@Teocalli
I’m completely the same. My top speed in a sprint is a good 10% higher if there’s someone on my shoulder trying to come round me. I’d like to think I’m a really unpleasant guy to race against as I’ll gladly hurt myself if I think it’ll hurt the other guy a little bit more.
@Buck Rogers
Just ordered this book. Should be here later this week. So excited!!!