Categories: Accessories and GearBelgian AffirmationsEtiquette

Cover High Before You Cover Low

Hinault keeps the guns clean.

With the transitions of seasons occurring all over the world as Summer shifts to Fall in the Northern Hemisphere and Winter to Spring in the Southern, we are faced with the seasonal challenge of how to kit up properly for volatile and variable weather conditions.

One of the most common mistakes made, apart from overdressing, is riders offending our collective sensibilities by inexplicably wearing leg coverings with short sleeve jerseys; an aesthetic faux-pas of monumental proportions. We’ve already discussed the merits of layering when kitting up in your Flandrian Best, and this specifically addresses the oft-abused Point IIV as discussed therein:

Maintain order; if it’s cold enough for knee warmers, it’s cold enough for arm warmers. First come arm warmers, then knee warmers.

While wearing shirt-sleeves and pantaloons is acceptable for civilian attire, doing so with your Cycling kit marks the rider like a greasy Cat 5 tattoo on the calf. The lower half of our bodies is working much harder than our upper bodies, which sit nearly motionless as our guns piston away at the pedals leaving a path of destroyed dreams and broken souls in our wake. The legs need air to breathe, room to roam freely; the caged bird doesn’t sing and covering up the guns unnecessarily with lycra is like caging a wild bird of prey.

There is a certain pleasure to be found in kitting up perfectly for the day’s ride. We deliberate over the temperature, the wind, the likelihood of rain. We lay out our options like a Valet for his nobleman, we may even take a step outside and reconsider our choices. Returning from the ride many hours later, we allow a wry smile to creep across our faces in the knowledge that we nailed our kit today.

Expect to be cold when you first step outside. Once the engine is running, it will be pumping out heat; when you’re properly dressed for riding, you will be cold whenever you are standing still. If you’re comfortable standing still, you will overheat once the game is afoot and the engine room is calling for more coals to be heaped on the fire.
Remember your layers, and always consider arm warmers and a gilet before a long sleeve jersey and knee warmers before tights. These give you the possibility of micro-adjusting your temperature as the day warms or cools, or if the rains suddenly arrive. Only move to long sleeve jerseys when there is no possibility of overheating.
Long-fingered gloves are only allowed when paired up with arm warmers or a long sleeve jersey.
Belgian booties are always acceptable in Spring and Fall, and always look the business.
Wearing full leg warmers and a long sleeve jersey while enjoying a Pre-Ride espresso and talking shit is ultra-Pro. Deploy this at-will throughout the season, so long as you remove these layers prior to throwing leg over top tube.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

universo says:

Sep 18 2015 at 1:42 pm

@brett

"probably" sounds like speculation - try it and you will not need to wince on cold mornings
MangoDave says:

Sep 18 2015 at 2:10 pm

@fignons barber

I must be way older than most of you fellows. When I started in the 1980’s, it was a nice coat of Vaseline on the knees when it was below 45F (knee warmers had not been discovered yet).

Everyone seems to mention getting a massage or to clean road rash as the origin of shaving, but I think it's this. Applying Vasoline in cold weather would be a mess with hairy legs, so they shaved the guns. And having said shaved guns would instantly identify the hardmen who revel in the glory of Rule #9 conditions. Want to look like a badass pro? Rule #33.

I have no evidence for this theory, but it makes sense to me.
LawnCzar says:

Sep 18 2015 at 4:20 pm

@brett

Ah, but in that delineation between shorts and knee warmers lies moral peril -- the potential to violate Rule 82. And they're not like arm warmers where you have an out and can argue that you were putting the hammer down...

A pair of kickers with the right fit, on the other hand, can nail the gap between them and the top of your socks and you don't need to pull a Luca Paolini and use safety pins to make sure they stay up. Et voila.
Kevin says:

Sep 18 2015 at 9:01 pm

I tend to

@frank

@LawnCzar

Oh, I get that — I’ve just found that I’m comfortable enough in shorts to sort of power through until it warms up.

You should be careful with that; you can damage your knees if they are too cold. Consider embro as an alternative.

I tend to reach for the embrocation before reaching for the knee warmers. I use embro when the autumn mornings have a chilly bite to them, until the later transitional weeks of autumn. I find that a bit more embro can keep your guns warm and glistening for a long while.

I also thoroughly enjoy the warm, tingly trace sensations that embro leaves after having showered and dressed for work. The feeling of muted warmth and tender guns give me a feeling of time well spent laying down the V on another early morning training session.
sthilzy says:

Sep 19 2015 at 2:04 am

A-bit high, but got me hooked on knee warmers, 1991

Edwig Van Hooydonck, Tour of Flanders
Oli says:

Sep 19 2015 at 5:19 am

Man, Winning was just the absolute best mag for us English speakers, innit.
gilly says:

Sep 19 2015 at 2:24 pm

@nobby

I have to admit that I wear knee warmers pretty much the whole year round in the UK, only escewing them when riding on the continent. The reason? Well, I have very, very ugly knees and I feel thet the crime of wearing warmers year round outweights the (arguably heinous) crime of forcing my aesthetically challenging patellas on my fellow riders.

It’s okay for SpiderMonkey to bare his minging joints because a) he gets paid to and b) he’s good. I have neither attribute so covered they will remain.

Sorry

I will say in my defence that my warmers ALWAYS match the rest of my kit, and often have a nod toward the colour scheme on my bike too.

Im with you on the knee warmers all winter Nobby. I always feel like I should be in Hot Gossip with tights and it makes me keep up the gun shaving too, but I'm strictly shorts come April
gilly says:

Sep 19 2015 at 2:27 pm

@LawnCzar

I’ve never understood knee warmers. I find that I go from shorts directly to knickers. Commit to a bottom length. If it’s knicker weather, it’s well past time for long sleeves.

Am I the only one that love, love, loves riding on a cold, rainy day with shorts, arm warmers, and casquette? It calls to mind great old race photos and inspires greater V when your rear wheel slips going up the steeper ramps.

No you're not the only one
Joe says:

Sep 19 2015 at 3:10 pm

1. Eddy Bosberg. Cobbles. Uphill. Out of saddle. On the TOPS!

2. Old school=no leg warmers of any kind for races, ever. Only embro. (and BTW, the Badger had a team car to put all of his extra shit in, pockets be damned)

3. Old school #B=cover legs under 65 deg. F while training. Our juniors coach used to tell us to suck it up if we were too warm believe it or not. Pull out your old copy of Eddie B's book or similar.

4. Do not confuse racing and training. Do not confuse group rides and training.

If you always want to look like a pro, look like they do when they train, and look like they do when they race. They will laugh their asses off if you show up for a training ride with bare legs when it's 50 deg. C and brag about how hard you are.
fignons barber says:

Sep 20 2015 at 7:55 am

@ErikdR

What a photo! Fantastic.

Is that a guy in a Peugeot jersey (and with a headband??) hitting the deck in the background?

If I were to guess, I'd say Gilbert Duclos Lasalle.