I’ve been lucky enough to do quite a bit of travelling in my life. As a family, we travelled all over Europe when I was just a lad, and recently I’ve had the opportunity to visit more exotic places like India and Hawaii. What I’ve learned from my travels is that the key to a great experience is to leave your predispositions on the airplane and commit completely to the culture; eat like the locals eat, travel like the locals travel, and – provided you’re skiing in France – wear a fart bag.
One of the things I learned very quickly is how much people appreciate travelers who make a genuine effort. Americans get a bad wrap by Parisians for bustling about in their “Born in the USA” leather jackets by Wilsons and asking random people where the nearest McDonalds is and, when they find one, spending an inordinate amount of time holding up the line while trying to order a Quarter Pounder. To be fair, these people should get a bad wrap anywhere including back here in the US of Fuckin’ A. While every culture is different, I find that by and large, if you simply make an effort and show a some respect for the local culture, people will be very accepting of you.
But everywhere you go is different, of course. In Europe, they like it when you speak the language or admire the beauty of the country. In India, they love it when you show enthusiasm for how batshit crazy the place is. This particular anecdote will ring louder for the software developers in the audience, but one afternoon while I was in India, I was chatting with a manager at my old company and remarked how amazing it was that given the hierarchical structure of their culture, that the traffic is so chaotic. “In most things, we use the Waterfall method. In driving, we use the Agile method.”
On the other hand, the Dutch just like to prove that they know something you don’t, so all you have to do in the Netherlands is ask questions. Don’t overdo it, though; the Dutch don’t suffer fools lightly. For example; I am fluent in Dutch but don’t spend enough time there to understand the rail system the way they do. So, I rarely ask for help with the trains in Dutch; if I do, they treat me like I’m one step left of an amoeba. If I ask in English, I’ll be politely guided through every step of the process. After all, it would be impossible for an American to understand that intricacies of their highly sophisticated system.
The French, I’ve come to understand, only resent people who don’t try to speak French. You don’t have to speak much of it or speak it very well; just make an effort, and they will be fine. I’ve never had a single experience with the “disdainful French”; in fact, I’ve had more than a few discussions with wait staff at restaurants who insist on speaking (a very broken) English to me, and I insist on speaking (a very broken) French in response. This particular case is more polite than it is effective.
French is perhaps the most glorious sounding language on the planet; I’d love to speak it fluently, but am only conversant at infant-level French. Nevertheless, I find it very important to familiarize myself with the most important phrases I’ll need when travelling there. In an effort to lend some assistance to those in the community who are joining us in Lille for Keepers Tour 2013 this year, I offer the following Quick Start Guide. And, always remember Rule #89.
A general expression of surprise:
Qu’esque c’est le fuck avec ça?
An acknowledgement of someone’s not inconsiderable skill on the bike:
Pas bad.
You can close down a misunderstanding with a simple phrase like,
C’est la meme chose thing.
Being amenable with a choice,
Je suis OK avec that.
Asking a mate how s/he is doing:
Qu’esque c’est up?
When intimidating your riding mates:
Laisse tomber le hammer.
Finally, when referring to whomever wins Roubaix this year,
Il est une homme bad ass, n’est pas?
See you on the flip side in France. Vive la Vie Velominatus.
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And I'm from Dundee
@snoov Pas un problème, c'est toujours un rire.
@JohnB
I'm frae Montrose ken.
The only language I can speak with vague fluency is Arabic (seriously misspent youth) which will get you out of trouble in some of the dodgier parts of la belle France.
Jesus, the one time I was in Scotland my then wife and I stayed in a B&B in Edinburgh, and the man of the house was a retired BP ship's captain. One morning he spread this huge map of the city out on the floor and spent a half hour telling me where to go. I understood not one fucking word of it. Just nodded a lot and thanked him profusely. I did better with French and Italian, and my skills in those languages were roughly equal to those of toddler-age native speakers of those languages. "I want pasta/steak-frites/[whatever I was pointing at]." "I have to go potty." "I want more wine."
Fun grocery shopping moment in Edinburgh: the beer aisle is roped off. I assumed they'd washed the floor or something and didn't want any injuries, but the floor was dry so I stepped over and grabbed a six-pack. I turn around to find a red-faced matron staring darts into my very soul and crying out, "YE CANNA BUY BEER!! IT'S SOONDAY!!
@the Engine
Isn't there a Scottish football team nicknamed the Arabs?
@frank let's also not forget the most useful French phrase of all:
- parlez vous fuk-ness??
@wiscot
Thanks to google I just answered my own question. The Arabs are Dundee United. Why, I have no clue.
@PeakInTwoYears
You'll find the same treatment here in Indiana. Foreign dialect, red-faced matron scolding you "no alcohol sales on Sunday!". Except that it will be at the checkout counter, for all to see.
@PeakInTwoYears
Ah Scottish licensing - we go mental on weak beer if allowed to buy it before 12.00 particularly on a Sunday. Fortunately our alcoholics are too drunk/stupid to stash firewater in advance and therefore experience reality for a brief period most mornings. If that reality is Dundee the may Merckx have mercy upon their ruined livers.
@wiscot
The story goes that their pitch was so cut up by a rough winter that their groundsman used a liberal dose of fine sand to produce some sort of surface for their players to writhe in agony on when looking for a penalty. He used so much that Tannadice (for it was there) resembled a set for Lawarence of Arabia and their visiting support made the connection - hence "Arabs".