Cultural Immersion
I’ve been lucky enough to do quite a bit of travelling in my life. As a family, we travelled all over Europe when I was just a lad, and recently I’ve had the opportunity to visit more exotic places like India and Hawaii. What I’ve learned from my travels is that the key to a great experience is to leave your predispositions on the airplane and commit completely to the culture; eat like the locals eat, travel like the locals travel, and – provided you’re skiing in France – wear a fart bag.
One of the things I learned very quickly is how much people appreciate travelers who make a genuine effort. Americans get a bad wrap by Parisians for bustling about in their “Born in the USA” leather jackets by Wilsons and asking random people where the nearest McDonalds is and, when they find one, spending an inordinate amount of time holding up the line while trying to order a Quarter Pounder. To be fair, these people should get a bad wrap anywhere including back here in the US of Fuckin’ A. While every culture is different, I find that by and large, if you simply make an effort and show a some respect for the local culture, people will be very accepting of you.
But everywhere you go is different, of course. In Europe, they like it when you speak the language or admire the beauty of the country. In India, they love it when you show enthusiasm for how batshit crazy the place is. This particular anecdote will ring louder for the software developers in the audience, but one afternoon while I was in India, I was chatting with a manager at my old company and remarked how amazing it was that given the hierarchical structure of their culture, that the traffic is so chaotic. “In most things, we use the Waterfall method. In driving, we use the Agile method.”
On the other hand, the Dutch just like to prove that they know something you don’t, so all you have to do in the Netherlands is ask questions. Don’t overdo it, though; the Dutch don’t suffer fools lightly. For example; I am fluent in Dutch but don’t spend enough time there to understand the rail system the way they do. So, I rarely ask for help with the trains in Dutch; if I do, they treat me like I’m one step left of an amoeba. If I ask in English, I’ll be politely guided through every step of the process. After all, it would be impossible for an American to understand that intricacies of their highly sophisticated system.
The French, I’ve come to understand, only resent people who don’t try to speak French. You don’t have to speak much of it or speak it very well; just make an effort, and they will be fine. I’ve never had a single experience with the “disdainful French”; in fact, I’ve had more than a few discussions with wait staff at restaurants who insist on speaking (a very broken) English to me, and I insist on speaking (a very broken) French in response. This particular case is more polite than it is effective.
French is perhaps the most glorious sounding language on the planet; I’d love to speak it fluently, but am only conversant at infant-level French. Nevertheless, I find it very important to familiarize myself with the most important phrases I’ll need when travelling there. In an effort to lend some assistance to those in the community who are joining us in Lille for Keepers Tour 2013 this year, I offer the following Quick Start Guide. And, always remember Rule #89.
A general expression of surprise:
Qu’esque c’est le fuck avec ça?
An acknowledgement of someone’s not inconsiderable skill on the bike:
Pas bad.
You can close down a misunderstanding with a simple phrase like,
C’est la meme chose thing.
Being amenable with a choice,
Je suis OK avec that.
Asking a mate how s/he is doing:
Qu’esque c’est up?
When intimidating your riding mates:
Laisse tomber le hammer.
Finally, when referring to whomever wins Roubaix this year,
Il est une homme bad ass, n’est pas?
See you on the flip side in France. Vive la Vie Velominatus.
Great subject Frank and you’ve hit all the fine points of the parlay-voo with our French cousins. I think there is a full-length roadie French phrase book in the making there.
An important linguistic distinction is that the French alphabet contains a double-V, while ours sadly has only a compact-running double U.
So have a great trip Keepers of the Tour, and for all you tobacco lovers, remember that the French love to be asked:
peux-tu me faire une bonne pipe?
@brett
Oh no! N’est pas composter votre billet, mon ami? Vous ete a dumbass.
@xyxax
Sweetness! Well played! C’est chouette, ça!
@Peakin: you’re lucky you weren’t in Glasgow!
@Frank and @rest of those soon to be enroute en cobbles: bon voyage!
@Frank
Can’t help myself… Maybe your Dutch brethren would gaze upon you with heightened respect if you were to spell “amoeba” correctly.
Viva las duchas vaginales!
@Steampunk
Merckxi beaucoup, M. Vapeurpunk. On n’est pas con, nous.
Je mange bien.
@G’rilla
Je vais apporter de la bière,
More in the spirit of ‘two nations divided by a common language’…
We lived in the US for a while, in New Jersey while I was working in New York.
My accent is mixed but my wife’s is perfectly upper middle class English, and until we went to the US she was a BBC radio presenter, so she’s pretty clear and understandable. Or so she thought.
She would frequently be asked if she was from ‘out of state’, clearly by people who conceived that maybe they spoke like that in California or somewhere unimaginably exotic, like Minnesota.
But the piece de resistance was when it came time to leave and we wanted to sell our car so decided to just take the hit and sell it to a dealer for cash. It was a five or six year old Ford Taurus station wagon.
My wife went into the dealer’s office and said “Hello. We have a 1995 Ford Taurus station wagon to sell – would you be interested ?”
“Sorry ma’am ?”
“We have a 1995 Ford Taurus station wagon we want to sell.”
“I’m sorry, can you repeat that.”
Now slightly exasperated and considering acting or signs “We have a 1995 Ford Taurus station wagon and we want to sell it.”
“No, I’m sorry ma’am, I didn’t get that. Are you saying it in English – I only speak English.”
“I am speaking English… you are speaking American.”
At which point she marched out.
keep on butchering my language guys… it’s (kind of) funny.
@wiscot
I can’t tell if you’re doing Scots or American South. Either way, it makes me crave moonshine.
@spankles
HOLY SHIT! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM. Fuckness is in the Lexicon, but no one knows its origin. A tale for another day.
@Spun Up
I spelled it right, but the keyboard couldn’t keep up with the blazing speed of my fingers and needed to skip a letter in order to catch up.
@frank
Get off the fucking computer and get on the train to Lille!
I took great delight when my new neighbour from the deep south introduced herself as “A-merkin” http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=merkin
@brett
Dis you get to the Three Days de Panne Brett?
Bloody exciting racing – they were just down the road at Oudenaarde yesterday – the Manx mouth put in a blistering sprint win after the longest lead out in history by OPQ
Two efforts today, short race and a Postlogue I believe, not sure where
@Dr C That OPQS train was smashing it yesterday. The aerial shots showed how much pain they were dishing out on the rest of the peloton. Slightly mistimed maybe, they’d burnt all their matches well before the sprint but maybe it was try and keep Sagan and the Cannondale boys from getting back on. Cav was left to do his own thing for a bit. Strong work though.
@Chris
Sagan let them go as he knew he wasn’t going to start today. Sagan’s doing the RvV on Sunday and Cavendouche isn’t.
@the Engine That’s one of the benefits of watching these things without sound – you can make it all up to suit you own world view.
BTW have you got an alternative mode of transport to get to the Keepers Tour if the work shy, completely unionised, commie surrender monkeys at the ports extend their strike into next week?
Anybody know what language this is? (If you’re on anti-seziure meds, double up your dose, if you’re not, you will be after this)
@Chris
I’m taking the Tunnel – only time I’ll be directly relying on communists
@scaler911 Estonian – which I only worked out from the TV station ident and confirmed by following the link to the domain name, not by any linguistic ability.
Oh, and that’s quite a video BTW. How the fuck did you find that ?
@ChrisO
This is priceless!
@Mike_P
Welcome aboard, Mike!
-Dinan
@Buck Rogers
That’s life in New York/New Jersey. I lived in the Bronx for a time during graduate school. First time I went to the corner bodega to pick up some beers, the newly-minted New Yorker (of recent Dominican ancestry) behind the counter carded me. After inspecting my ID for a few minutes, he looked up and said, “Wisconsin? What country is that in?” My guess is that U.S. geography was not his strong suit during his citizenship classes.
@ChrisO
@cyclops posted it on the Book of Faces. Crazy, crazy shit going on in that video. Awesome.
@scaler911
Fully.
boingboing.net refers to the act, Winny Puhh (Winny the Pooh, of course), long established in Estonia, as a “highly theatrical Estonian punk/metal/WTF band.” WTF, indeed. They were doing that thing they do live on Estonian TV in the finals for the contest to get on Eurovision 2013. They came in second at losing, sadly.
@scaler911
@scaler911
Wow. I haven’t decided if this is completely fucktarded or the most awesome thing I have ever seen…
Frank,
I’ve just read this post while sitting in a little bar opposite Gare Lille Flandres, immersing myself in the local culture while enjoying a Leffe or two (Ok, it’s Belgian, but close enough).
Looking forward to meeting you and all the other Cobbled Classics crew tomorrow.
@PeakInTwoYears
Fuck. Estonia does offer a good pair of Campagnolo rims available on Ebay at the moment though.
@unversio
Hit it! My VMH stayed in Latvia and Estonia for a while. Loved it.
On that basis, I say hit it.
@Nick Orloff
Awesome! If you want to catch up tonight, drop us an email… we’re 3 beers in and counting.
@scaler911
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?! I didn’t know Chewbacca’s cousin was in a band. At least they have matching kits.
@oldnweak More like an Ewok or a wrestler from Nacho Libre.
@Nick Orloff enjoy the KT. Make sure you represent for Flinders!
The respect lesson is well taken. Fairly though, I’ve gotten to the point in my life that travelling to some of the 50 United States scares me because of their cultural conventions. Heck, just going to Spokane in the very red side of my home state of Washington now gives me pause. I used to live in Spokane; now the idea of visiting George Nethercutt’s home district makes me want to cry like a little girl.
I can say that I am quite cosmopolitan though. I’ve travelled internationally, having been to Canada. I think that counts. And I did cross over to Mexican airspace once, just to say I did it.
@scaler911
Rule #50 violation surely?!! Or is full face hair compliant…
The Café Roubaix Arenbergs survived the first test on the Cobbles. Happy to have spent the afternoon riding with Bretto like a couple of regular mates, which almost never happens on account of us living on different sides of Earth.
Damn, it feels good to be on these roads again.
wow – Velominati @ 1.00
@torrefie You guys are such celebrities now, having been in a Team Sky video for the better part of two seconds.
Have fun on the cobbles. If anyone wants to break a collarbone, this would be the best time.
@frank
I’m impressed by how the bike seems to be standing up on its own in that shot. The fucking meter of seat post must help it balance, like a broom on an open palm.
@torrefie
Whoa, cool! Thanks for sharing.
@biggles
It’s all the Kevin Bacon game. As Velominati we “know” Frank. Frank appears in a Sky video. Therefore we know the Sky pros. Two degrees of separation to top pros. Of course for Frank and theKeepers it’s just one degree, but then we always knew they were “special.”
@strathlubnaig
That’s an indication of how long since I tried to learn the language.
@snoov you are clearly a posh Dundonian. There is no noticeable trace of the ehs, pehs, whas, kens and the like. I’ve worked the city for a long time now and a broad accent still makes me grimace. Pot and kettle me being from Arbroath really.
@wiscot Oh, I feel so special right now.
Basically we’re now all world tour riders. Sort of. Kind of.
I’ve been lucky enough to do a decent amount of traveling thus far & I’ve always had a great time, never felt like I was being given the biznass by the locals. Australia, NZ, Japan, Vietnam, eastern Canada, Czech Republic, Croatia, always had a great time.
Being at least two months from peaking, I’m quite happy to sit this one out. Nevertheless, I’m still thrilled you lads are there & will be sending back such superb accounts. Have fun!
@frank
Rule #26, fer fuck’s sake.
@torrefie
Holy shit, we also feature at 0.40 and 1.25!
@brett
Love ya Work!
Just like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, even the Pros will be saying to each other “who are those guys?”
Who indeed. They are the mythological Velominati, rarely seen on hallowed roads but in the spring, when even the hardmen weep. Keep a keen eye out for the one they call Fronk, the tallest and most profane of the bunch, for he shall look at you and your bike and in an instant consider its worthiness and compliance with the rules. Fear his wrath upon mis-matched bottles or a saddlebag. Recumbents have been known to spontaneously combust upon his withering gaze. Feast your eyes children for soon they will scatter like leaves in the wind to all corners of the earth not to be seen for another year.
Sorry, it’s been a long day and I’m kinda giddy here. Also, in WI for the first time this year, there was sun AND warmth.