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Every Day is Leg Day

At work or at rest, it’s leg day. Photo: Tom Boonen

The proclamation is heard in the office, on social media, at the bar with friends; “It’s leg day.” When someone utters “it’s leg day” the accompanying tone of resentment and even dread is usually followed by an audible “ugh”. This exasperation belies one fact, the person making the utterance is not a cyclist. It’s likely they are a part of the Crossfit cult or on a fitness regimen to tone up and look good in a swimsuit. My immediate thought is, no shit it’s leg day, isn’t every day leg day?

As Cyclists, we cultivate our legs ritualistically. They provide the power that propels us deep into the pain cave, to freedom and to exaltation. Sure, we can talk about building the engine that is our heart and lungs. We do intervals, hill repeats, and sprints to increase aerobic capacity but the act of pushing on our pedals is what makes us move. It is our guns and our guns only that provide the visual evidence of our deposits into the V-Bank. The following is a simple list of acts the Velominati partake in that demonstrate that Every Day is Leg Day:

Shaving ( Rule #33 )
Crisp and clean tan line cultivation ( Rule #7 )
Not taking the stairs when the elevator goes to the 2nd floor
Recovery Days
Getting a Happy DeVlaeminck
Not lifting weights, grocery bags, or small children if it can be avoided
Gun-oriented narcissism
Riding bikes at the exclusion of any other form of exercise except sex (in which case you’ve gone Post-race Kelly and it’s a recovery day and therefore, Leg Day)

The Pros go to great lengths in not using their legs to power anything but their bicycles. Coppi used to have his soigneur carry him up flights of stairs to the hotel room. Hincapie would make sure his phone, remote, and other personal needs were at arms’ length on Recovery Days so he wouldn’t have to get off the couch. I wonder if he looked for apartments in Gerona with the toilet in the living room.

Of course most of us are endomorphs who look to be prepubescent boys with bald legs, baby smooth faces, and farmer’s tans. But our legs, our legs are bronzed and chiseled works of effort that would inspire Michelangelo and be worthy of any swimsuit edition (as long as it focuses on the waist down). So regardless of our buggy-whip arms and pencil-necks, let’s celebrate. The next time you hear someone bemoan their own personal leg day hell, remember that for you as well it is leg day. Take pride in the fact that you are a Velominatus and that for you, Every Day is Leg Day. Because on that day, regardless of the day of the week or where on your training calendar it lands, you have done something to honor your pins.

Marko

Marko lives and rides in the upper midwest of the States, Minnesota specifically. "Cycling territory" and "the midwest" don't usually end up in the same sentence unless the conversation turns to the roots of LeMond, Hampsten, Heiden and Ochowitz. While the pavé and bergs of Flanders are his preferred places to ride, you can usually find him harvesting gravel along forest and farm roads. He owes a lot to Cycling and his greatest contribution to cycling may forever be coining the term Rainbow Turd.

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View Comments

norm says:

Mar 6 2014 at 8:12 am

@VeloSix

@norm

@Ron

Crossfit. I went off my meds a few weeks back & I'll try to remain calm. But, paying good money to go throw a tire around downtown city blocks? Good lord, exercise scams never cease.

The military fitness craze is big where I live. Big groups of people being shouted at and humiliated in the park by ex-soldiers wearing camo. I just don't get it.

This is an activity they volunteer for? And they wear camo? Sounds like Rambo wanna bees to me....

They don't just volunteer, they pay for the privilege. the soldiers wear the camo. I realise this makes no sense but its massive.
norm says:

Mar 6 2014 at 8:18 am

@KW just say you're doing it then do it. Weeks of discussion beforehand will just make into a bigger deal than it is.

My wife was generally bemused but luckily she has a long list of other things to be pissed off with me about so what I do with my legs soon became a non issue.

If it helps tell her that you've been getting advice off a group of strange men on the Internet. That should help...
Deakus says:

Mar 6 2014 at 8:19 am

@KW

I forgot to mention that Mrs. KW is currently pregnant with our first Velominipper, which lends another level of peril to the situation. Given her feelings about the chest hair (loves it) and the goatee (don't you dare shave it), I shudder to think of her reaction to possible leg baldness.

On the bright side, I am fortunate not to be carrying a shag carpet on the guns. It is light both in density and color. From a distance, you might not even see it. If you're on my wheel you might notice it, but you'd have to catch my wheel first.

Does she shave her legs? Equal Rites!
norm says:

Mar 6 2014 at 8:21 am

@Chris

@norm If you're a short arse like me then you've got to work quite hard to pull the defeat leg warmers up high enough to maintain a sensible looking gap between warmer and sock.

Bib tights for commuting, bibs and leg warmers for cycling.

Yeah, really long, even if you're tall. I actually thought they'd sent leg warmers by accident.
KW says:

Mar 6 2014 at 8:45 am

@norm

@KW just say you're doing it then do it. Weeks of discussion beforehand will just make into a bigger deal than it is.

My wife was generally bemused but luckily she has a long list of other things to be pissed off with me about so what I do with my legs soon became a non issue.

If it helps tell her that you've been getting advice off a group of strange men on the Internet. That should help...

This!

@Chris

@KW By all means heed @ChrisO's advice and take the uncompromising route but bear in mind that he's been banished to a distant desert land so he is in effect subject to a fairly permanent Withholding Notice (hence the fact that he now keeps his bike in his bed).

Also, this. Although, as shitty as this winter has been, that doesn't sound so bad.

@Otoman

@KW don't ask permission. They're your legs, it's your hobby. If you want to grow a beard, shave your legs, shave a Mohawk in, just fuggin' do it.

Spoken like a true bachelor.
Mike_P says:

Mar 6 2014 at 8:47 am

@Buck Rogers

Jesus, Mary and Joseph look at those FUCKIN legs. Unbelievable the pain that they have endured and doled out. They're like Musashi's fucking daisho or something. Just awesome.

Whose fucking what??
Mike_P says:

Mar 6 2014 at 8:55 am

@KW

I forgot to mention that Mrs. KW is currently pregnant with our first Velominipper, which lends another level of peril to the situation. Given her feelings about the chest hair (loves it) and the goatee (don't you dare shave it), I shudder to think of her reaction to possible leg baldness.

On the bright side, I am fortunate not to be carrying a shag carpet on the guns. It is light both in density and color. From a distance, you might not even see it. If you're on my wheel you might notice it, but you'd have to catch my wheel first.

7 years ago my VMW agreed to my gun shaving for the first time, against what she thought was her better judgement. Last weekend she was moaning at me about the hairy state of my legs and how spring was almost here and I needed to get the razor out. Merckx bless her!

Do it, deal with it, love it, unless you think it may bring on early Velominipper appearance in which case wait until he/she is born, at which time your poor wife will have enough to worry about that your guns will be the least of it.
PeakInTwoYears says:

Mar 6 2014 at 9:34 am

@Mike_P

@KW

I forgot to mention that Mrs. KW is currently pregnant with our first Velominipper, which lends another level of peril to the situation. Given her feelings about the chest hair (loves it) and the goatee (don't you dare shave it), I shudder to think of her reaction to possible leg baldness.

On the bright side, I am fortunate not to be carrying a shag carpet on the guns. It is light both in density and color. From a distance, you might not even see it. If you're on my wheel you might notice it, but you'd have to catch my wheel first.

7 years ago my VMW agreed to my gun shaving for the first time, against what she thought was her better judgement. Last weekend she was moaning at me about the hairy state of my legs and how spring was almost here and I needed to get the razor out. Merckx bless her!

Do it, deal with it, love it, unless you think it may bring on early Velominipper appearance in which case wait until he/she is born, at which time your poor wife will have enough to worry about that your guns will be the least of it.

Just shave. I mean, really. You're about to become a parent? And you're worried about shaving your legs?

You're about to be given something to worry about.
unversio says:

Mar 6 2014 at 10:00 am

@KW

On the bright side, I am fortunate not to be carrying a shag carpet on the guns. It is light both in density and color. From a distance, you might not even see it. If you're on my wheel you might notice it, but you'd have to catch my wheel first.

[ Yoda voice ] "Do. Or do not. Otherwise fuck it!"
frank says:

Mar 6 2014 at 10:39 am

@Ron

Crossfit. I went off my meds a few weeks back & I'll try to remain calm. But, paying good money to go throw a tire around downtown city blocks? Good lord, exercise scams never cease.

I totally see your point, but given the obesity situation around here, I'm just happy to see people working out. There is one around the corner from where I live and some people just have to sign up for something in order to find the motivation to get a workout.

Not my cup of tea, but if it gets some people active, then I don't have an issue with it.