Every Day is Leg Day
The proclamation is heard in the office, on social media, at the bar with friends; “It’s leg day.” When someone utters “it’s leg day” the accompanying tone of resentment and even dread is usually followed by an audible “ugh”. This exasperation belies one fact, the person making the utterance is not a cyclist. It’s likely they are a part of the Crossfit cult or on a fitness regimen to tone up and look good in a swimsuit. My immediate thought is, no shit it’s leg day, isn’t every day leg day?
As Cyclists, we cultivate our legs ritualistically. They provide the power that propels us deep into the pain cave, to freedom and to exaltation. Sure, we can talk about building the engine that is our heart and lungs. We do intervals, hill repeats, and sprints to increase aerobic capacity but the act of pushing on our pedals is what makes us move. It is our guns and our guns only that provide the visual evidence of our deposits into the V-Bank. The following is a simple list of acts the Velominati partake in that demonstrate that Every Day is Leg Day:
- Shaving ( Rule #33 )
- Crisp and clean tan line cultivation ( Rule #7 )
- Not taking the stairs when the elevator goes to the 2nd floor
- Recovery Days
- Getting a Happy DeVlaeminck
- Not lifting weights, grocery bags, or small children if it can be avoided
- Gun-oriented narcissism
- Riding bikes at the exclusion of any other form of exercise except sex (in which case you’ve gone Post-race Kelly and it’s a recovery day and therefore, Leg Day)
The Pros go to great lengths in not using their legs to power anything but their bicycles. Coppi used to have his soigneur carry him up flights of stairs to the hotel room. Hincapie would make sure his phone, remote, and other personal needs were at arms’ length on Recovery Days so he wouldn’t have to get off the couch. I wonder if he looked for apartments in Gerona with the toilet in the living room.
Of course most of us are endomorphs who look to be prepubescent boys with bald legs, baby smooth faces, and farmer’s tans. But our legs, our legs are bronzed and chiseled works of effort that would inspire Michelangelo and be worthy of any swimsuit edition (as long as it focuses on the waist down). So regardless of our buggy-whip arms and pencil-necks, let’s celebrate. The next time you hear someone bemoan their own personal leg day hell, remember that for you as well it is leg day. Take pride in the fact that you are a Velominatus and that for you, Every Day is Leg Day. Because on that day, regardless of the day of the week or where on your training calendar it lands, you have done something to honor your pins.
Working thru small issues with the Turbomatic 5 saddle, so every day is crotch day for the time being.
“Not taking the stairs when the elevator goes to the 2nd floor.” Like this one. They closed down our elevator at work last year so everyone had to take the back steps up to the second floor. You would have thought it was to the top of Empire State Building the way some of them acted. Some of them were older, but it’s two flights!
I’m sure I saw Hinault mowing his lawn a couple of days before a TdF on tv years ago. That would’ve been his recovery day.
A-Merckx ! Fantastic article @Marko.
Nice! I’ve always liked leg days, even when they included lifting weights for other sports.
Sadly, I’ve had to switch leg day to every-other-day, but hopefully this will only be for a few weeks.
Crossfit. I went off my meds a few weeks back & I’ll try to remain calm. But, paying good money to go throw a tire around downtown city blocks? Good lord, exercise scams never cease.
Advice needed re legs: is it permissible for a male cyclist to wear women’s (thick, black, 40 denier) tights, in lieu of lycra; underneath bibshorts?
No. Why?
Indeed every day is leg day. I can’t seem to get the VMH to carry me around the house though.
@Richard Johnson
@Richard Johnson
Two words, Embrocation, Embrocation.
@Richard Johnson Yes, absolutely without a doubt.
Just don’t go outside and don’t feel any obligation to tell us about it.
Refer to the masturbation principle.
@Richard Johnson
Good Lord, did you actually just ask that question? No, nothing goes under, or over bib shorts! Go and buy some propper leg warmers and quit doing things by halves.
I was telling the VMH how the Pro’s get it so good. How they get daily massages and their only activities are eat, sleep, train and recover. She quips “It’s the same with you. After your ride on Saturday you come home and are useless for the rest of the day. You don’t want to do any work around the house and just sit on the couch all day.”
She’s right….
@Puffy
Do questions fall under the masturbation principle?
@scaler911
Considering I outweigh mine by about 40kg, me neither. The dogs are useless for this purpose as well and don’t get me started on the cat or the inlaws.
@Puffy She may indeed be. And so are you. Way to make Saturdays leg day.
@marko
Chicken and the egg. The question is OK, obviously our new Pedalwan @Richard Johnson is in need of guidance.
The correct answer, of course, is @Puffy‘s. What falls under the MP is the pontification of how often this happens. Chris’s answer is enough, no further discussion required.
@Richard Johnson
Beauty Marko. Every day is leg day. So true. My general state of well being as a cyclist and human is directly reflected in the state of my legs and their shavedness, if you will. When I’m injured/sick/fat/depressed or any combination of those, my legs start to get fuzzy. Only serious cyclists shave their legs. So every mini-come back I make starts with a vicious leg shaving, then I’m back, baby!
Speaking of the unspeakable… if emoticons are banned, gifs must be also on the shitlist.
This isn’t Gawker people.
@Gianni
actually I shave my legs during time off (sickness injury etc) in order to still feel like a cyclist. I find it cheers me up and makes me feel like coming back is right around the corner.
preach Marko, preach.
Btw people I don’t know where to put this so hopefully people see it here, the channel Bein have highlights this weekend on Saturday and Sunday of both Strada Bianchi and Roma Maximus. I was lucky enough to meet the young Mr Moser in January, nice kid. I hope he can repeat!
@paolo
Roma Maxima…not Maximus. My Latin does not extend past semper ubi sub ubi.
@ChrisO
Yeah, you are correct sir.
@paolo
Cool. Thanks for the heads up. I actually get that channel for free. That must be an oversight of our Overlords Time Warner/Comcast.
Er…OK…I am going to ask this question with dread in my soul. It is probably one of those questions that has been debated ad nauseum or it is the devil that dare not speak its name but…it is probably like looking at a puddle you wanted to jump in as a child and thinking “It can’t really be that deep right?”
Waxing?
Context: New VMH after knocking me sideways with “Why don’t we sit in Saturday get a crate full of beer and watch the 6 Nations Rugby” (I nearly spat my tea out in surprise!…soon followed by admiration warming in the cherished sense of buddydom) then proceeded a couple of days later to say “You don’t need to shave your guns, I can wax them for you”.
In the interests of full and frank transparency I conceded and they are looking absolutely magnificent (for untanned winter legs mind you).
Please tell me I have not sinned….to have someone sit there and do it all for you with a beer in hand and for free….I mean c’mon people?
@Deakus Just go with it Man! Nothing wrong with this. I can tell you from a beautician that she gets a lot of cyclist, and shit sandwich cyclist before events a wax over.
I got a wax proposal years ago from a willing girlfriend. Mind you it took two days to do with 1/2″ hair length. Needed overnight to get over the pain to get through the next days waxing of the other leg. Rule V here.
With that in mind, stay away from the Brazilian waxing!
I’ve only waxed once, and sticking with my Gillette. Great fun waxing though with a partner!
As long as there is no particular rule infraction I have to say I am mighty impressed. Two sets of guns done from scratch in about an hour and half. Stunning job with no missed patches and relatively speaking little pain. She even rubbed them down with some kind of balm which I am assuming has Baxter like qualities – no rash or redness and the smell of tea trees. Beer and chat too!
All round, I think I am a convert…
@Deakus before and after pics?
@frank
This is simple to fix: wheeled office chair, dogs, leashes, no problem.
@sthilzy
Er…I had a beer in one hand and a dame in the other…there was no capacity for pics…I would say Ill go for it next time but you tell me which one I should put down to pick up the camera…I mean…seriously?
Besides, photos of winter legs are just plain wrong…Ill pop one up once the tan lines have been revived.
While it’s always a leg day, I love the feeling 3 days after doing a harder or longer ride than normal. After 1 day my legs feel tired and hot. After day 2 they feel dull and heavy. On the 3rd day they feel strong and fast again. Then the process starts again: eat sleep ride repeat.
@Ron
The military fitness craze is big where I live. Big groups of people being shouted at and humiliated in the park by ex-soldiers wearing camo. I just don’t get it.
@Richard Johnson The de feet knee warmers are long enough to almost cover your whole leg I’d go for those. if you are wearing shorts.
I’ll say it quietly but I wore one piece bib longs / tights through the worst of winter this year. I don’t see the point in leg warmers that you aren’t going to take off during a ride, they are too much of a faff for me.
@norm If you’re a short arse like me then you’ve got to work quite hard to pull the defeat leg warmers up high enough to maintain a sensible looking gap between warmer and sock.
Bib tights for commuting, bibs and leg warmers for cycling.
@Deakus
Judi Dench waxed your legs ?
If your guns are sprouting hair, it’s an early warning sign that something in life has run off the rails, and that corrective measures are required posthaste.
Corrective measure #1 is to shave every square millimeter and immediately apply a Rule V ride.
Corrective measure #2 is to repeat measure #1 obsessively until proper tan lines are observed.
Works every time.
@ChrisO
Now you mention it…perhaps I should have dropped Judi in favour of the camera but to be honest I was mostly interested in getting smooth guns and probably pretty stunned that anyone would want to wax my guns for free whilst feeding me beer….I think “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth” springs to mind!
@Richard Johnson
You’re new here, so here’s a hint: don’t take the response to your query too hard. Taking the piss out of ourselves is the point. Welcome.
Rule of thumb: if it fails to help you Look Fantastic, it’s unwise. If you’re operating under Velominatus Budgetatus rules, I empathize – compromises must be made when funds are dear.
@Gianni It’s been months now since I’ve ridden my bike except for trainer sessions. Shaving gets me through the winter. And not a day goes by I don’t think about getting my guns back to their former gloryish.
@Deakus This sounds like some sort of cyclo-erotica treatment. I’m not sure what to think other than, combined with the beer and rugby suggestion, you’ve just pulled off a successful break-away in the VMH race. Hopefully it sticks.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph look at those FUCKIN legs. Unbelievable the pain that they have endured and doled out. They’re like Musashi’s fucking daisho or something. Just awesome.
@marko
Tell me about it. I was taking care of the guns last night when I realized – shock/horror – that my legs are almost the same color all over. The tan lines are barely visible. Other than a weatherbeaten face, the same goes for the arms too. Mind you, supposed to be high 20s/low 30s this weekend – that’s good ridin’ right there!
I have a question for my fellow Velominati. I know this has been covered in other places, but fuck if I’m gonna take the time to search. That sounds a lot like work, or akin to reading an article.
I have yet to convert to the shaved guns (yeah, yeah, 50 lashes with a spare tube), but have been seriously contemplating it for this season. I’d like to hear opinions (fairly serious ones, too) on how to go about broaching the subject with Mrs. KW. Mostly, she thinks I’m a bit off the reservation when it comes to the bike, and I know exactly what she’ll say if I bring it up.
Any helpful hints?
@marko
I will try and pull a Jensy…if you guys give me 200m I am away and you are not catching me. Otherwise a new height has been set for the VMH performance bar and I am pleased to be the one to stress test it…
@KW
This is not an opinion, but I’ll share it with you anyway. Shave the guns! They look more awesome, smooth and hard!
@KW Best to get this “new” cut started with an electric body shaver.
@antihero
Finally had a ride the weekend before last, first since November, without leg or knee warmers. Later, while showering post ride, I discovered the tan lines were clearly established. Cultivation must now carry forth….
@KW
There is no way to deal with this delicately. She will either laugh or cry, in either case her response has already been pre-ordained. You will get as much flack for suggesting it as you will for doing it. You will already know if this is likely to be the last straw….but if it is not likely then go ahead do it and wait for her to find out in the bedroom….who knows, you may be in for a good night! (necessary to insert the correct emoticon here but fear flogging with a mini pump so will tow the line.)
@norm
This is an activity they volunteer for? And they wear camo? Sounds like Rambo wanna bees to me….
@Deakus
Hell, my VMH giggled the first day… now just asks, “did you leave me any hot water?”
@KW No serious advice from me I’m afraid as I’ve failed miserably to convince Mrs. Chris that Rule #33 is anything other than a dangerous perversion. I suspect that I’d have to resort to bribery of an exceedingly expensive metastable allotrope of carbon nature to sway her view. Not that she runs the show…
You know your Missus better than anyone here, hopefully, so you should know how to best get her onside but I generally find that these things will come down to a compromise. Given that you can’t compromise on the shaving thing (just below the knees?) you’ll have to work out what she might want.
One thing I wouldn’t do is, go for it without discussing, I did and was issued with a Withholding Notice until a decent growth had been achieved.