At work or at rest, it’s leg day. Photo: Tom Boonen

The proclamation is heard in the office, on social media, at the bar with friends; “It’s leg day.” When someone utters “it’s leg day” the accompanying tone of resentment and even dread is usually followed by an audible “ugh”. This exasperation belies one fact, the person making the utterance is not a cyclist. It’s likely they are a part of the Crossfit cult or on a fitness regimen to tone up and look good in a swimsuit. My immediate thought is, no shit it’s leg day, isn’t every day leg day?

As Cyclists, we cultivate our legs ritualistically. They provide the power that propels us deep into the pain cave, to freedom and to exaltation. Sure, we can talk about building the engine that is our heart and lungs. We do intervals, hill repeats, and sprints to increase aerobic capacity but the act of pushing on our pedals is what makes us move. It is our guns and our guns only that provide the visual evidence of our deposits into the V-Bank. The following is a simple list of acts the Velominati partake in that demonstrate that Every Day is Leg Day:

  • Shaving ( Rule #33 )
  • Crisp and clean tan line cultivation ( Rule #7 )
  • Not taking the stairs when the elevator goes to the 2nd floor
  • Recovery Days
  • Getting a Happy DeVlaeminck
  • Not lifting weights, grocery bags, or small children if it can be avoided
  • Gun-oriented narcissism
  • Riding bikes at the exclusion of any other form of exercise except sex (in which case you’ve gone Post-race Kelly and it’s a recovery day and therefore, Leg Day)

The Pros go to great lengths in not using their legs to power anything but their bicycles. Coppi used to have his soigneur carry him up flights of stairs to the hotel room. Hincapie would make sure his phone, remote, and other personal needs were at arms’ length on Recovery Days so he wouldn’t have to get off the couch. I wonder if he looked for apartments in Gerona with the toilet in the living room.

Of course most of us are endomorphs who look to be prepubescent boys with bald legs, baby smooth faces, and farmer’s tans. But our legs, our legs are bronzed and chiseled works of effort that would inspire Michelangelo and be worthy of any swimsuit edition (as long as it focuses on the waist down). So regardless of our buggy-whip arms and pencil-necks, let’s celebrate. The next time you hear someone bemoan their own personal leg day hell, remember that for you as well it is leg day. Take pride in the fact that you are a Velominatus and that for you, Every Day is Leg Day. Because on that day, regardless of the day of the week or where on your training calendar it lands, you have done something to honor your pins.

Marko

Marko lives and rides in the upper midwest of the States, Minnesota specifically. "Cycling territory" and "the midwest" don't usually end up in the same sentence unless the conversation turns to the roots of LeMond, Hampsten, Heiden and Ochowitz. While the pavé and bergs of Flanders are his preferred places to ride, you can usually find him harvesting gravel along forest and farm roads. He owes a lot to Cycling and his greatest contribution to cycling may forever be coining the term Rainbow Turd.

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  • @marko

    @The Oracle Tell her we have a great track record with Keepers Tours and Cogals. So far there's only been one documented instance of stalking.

    The PDX Cogal. It's how Frank, G'rilla and I became friends.

  • @The Oracle

    @wiscot

    @RedRanger

    @The Oracle Im in the Wausau area now. get thee a bike and hitch a ride with me

    Red, I just signed up and live in West Bend. Let's keep in touch and save me a spot in da van! Happy to pitch in on fuel of all types.

    How to describe the weekend to others so they don't think I'm crazy? I'm not sure: Spending the weekend riding 104 miles on bad roads with no support., traveling and staying with men who shave their legs I met on the internet. What could be more fun?

    Trust me, tha is exactly how my wife is going to hear it.

    I have presented myself as a pretty easy target; I've been to more events like this than anyone else, and so far every single person has been ultra cool - not one nutjob.

    Actually, that's not really true. Everyone of us I've met is a nutjob, but in the most delightful way. No serial killers yet. Not even any douchebags.

  • @ChrisO

    @Kyle

    That's my wedding anniversary weekend. My attendance would likely result in a similar fate.

    Absolutely no excuse. I refer the honourable gentleman to the Caledonian Cogal on which my beloved Velomissus and I will celebrate our 20th anniversary.

    You really do get the highest marks possible for that. It should be mentioned more often how strictly you and your family embrace Rule 11.

  • @John

    @wiscot When and where in WI is the Cheesehead Roubaix? Damn, it's 40 F today. Summer has arrived.

    well it's safe to say Autumn is still a little way off down here in South Australia, 42 C was the highest temp recorded during yesterday's 120k hangover recovery session...

  • All this talk of the Cheesehead Roubaix reminds me that the Dairy Roubaix is coming up soon. April 19th in western WI. Check it out.

  • @frank

    @ChrisO

    @Kyle

    That's my wedding anniversary weekend. My attendance would likely result in a similar fate.

    Absolutely no excuse. I refer the honourable gentleman to the Caledonian Cogal on which my beloved Velomissus and I will celebrate our 20th anniversary.

    You really do get the highest marks possible for that. It should be mentioned more often how strictly you and your family embrace Rule #11.

    Absolutely Frank - possibly some sort of permanent Sean Kelly icon just for me, or a little blue plaque.

    But while I sense your sarcasm what can I say - Rule #1, Rule #2 and Rule #3 apply here and I am simply instructing them. If people want to come on here complaining about being pussy-whipped into not riding their bikes they really need to either re-think their lives or obey the Masturbation Principle.

    Noting of course that strict application of Rule #11 might result in Principally Masturbation.

  • @Deakus

    Nothing wrong with waxing over shaving - did it for around 5 to 7 years, only stopped cause I moved to a workplace without any surrounding beautians. Found it to be quick (35mins after they know you), pain-free (after about 6 months the follicle bulb gets smaller) and lasted around a month.

    Develop a relationship with a specific beautician - they get comfotable with you and you get better service. Cyclists make good customers - the muscles (especially if flexed) and low body fat percentage means the skin is much tighter than a womans and the waxing is easier as hair comes out easier with a tighter 'canveas' to come off.

    Hope this helps

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