Every Day is Leg Day
The proclamation is heard in the office, on social media, at the bar with friends; “It’s leg day.” When someone utters “it’s leg day” the accompanying tone of resentment and even dread is usually followed by an audible “ugh”. This exasperation belies one fact, the person making the utterance is not a cyclist. It’s likely they are a part of the Crossfit cult or on a fitness regimen to tone up and look good in a swimsuit. My immediate thought is, no shit it’s leg day, isn’t every day leg day?
As Cyclists, we cultivate our legs ritualistically. They provide the power that propels us deep into the pain cave, to freedom and to exaltation. Sure, we can talk about building the engine that is our heart and lungs. We do intervals, hill repeats, and sprints to increase aerobic capacity but the act of pushing on our pedals is what makes us move. It is our guns and our guns only that provide the visual evidence of our deposits into the V-Bank. The following is a simple list of acts the Velominati partake in that demonstrate that Every Day is Leg Day:
- Shaving ( Rule #33 )
- Crisp and clean tan line cultivation ( Rule #7 )
- Not taking the stairs when the elevator goes to the 2nd floor
- Recovery Days
- Getting a Happy DeVlaeminck
- Not lifting weights, grocery bags, or small children if it can be avoided
- Gun-oriented narcissism
- Riding bikes at the exclusion of any other form of exercise except sex (in which case you’ve gone Post-race Kelly and it’s a recovery day and therefore, Leg Day)
The Pros go to great lengths in not using their legs to power anything but their bicycles. Coppi used to have his soigneur carry him up flights of stairs to the hotel room. Hincapie would make sure his phone, remote, and other personal needs were at arms’ length on Recovery Days so he wouldn’t have to get off the couch. I wonder if he looked for apartments in Gerona with the toilet in the living room.
Of course most of us are endomorphs who look to be prepubescent boys with bald legs, baby smooth faces, and farmer’s tans. But our legs, our legs are bronzed and chiseled works of effort that would inspire Michelangelo and be worthy of any swimsuit edition (as long as it focuses on the waist down). So regardless of our buggy-whip arms and pencil-necks, let’s celebrate. The next time you hear someone bemoan their own personal leg day hell, remember that for you as well it is leg day. Take pride in the fact that you are a Velominatus and that for you, Every Day is Leg Day. Because on that day, regardless of the day of the week or where on your training calendar it lands, you have done something to honor your pins.
I remember the first time shaving the guns: hacking away, blood trickling down my legs. They looked like raw chicken. (Remember, this was Scotland around 1980 – not much sun to get tan lines). Parents were horrified. “But everyone else does it!” I protested. Eventually they just gave up on trying to persuade me otherwise. First pair of black lycra skin tights didn’t go down too well either. We compromised on that: on the bike = ok, around the house = no.
The thought of having fully hairy legs appalls me to this day.
@Chris
Shit I forgot about the withholding notice! Ignore all my advice, tread very carefully as @Chris advises. Time spent figuring what will really really make her happy will be time not spent defending yourself or begging to be allowed in the bed again!
@KW
Unannounced your legs were shaved while participating (you were selected) in a science study (specifically chosen) that measured the adverse effects of shagginess within a road cycling (followed by beer) environment. The attending lab nurse (oh hell) of the study prepared you (shaved you) and monitored your results — perfect!
@unversio If I announced that someone else had shaved my legs, I’d be facing much worse than a Withholding Notice.
I forgot to mention that Mrs. KW is currently pregnant with our first Velominipper, which lends another level of peril to the situation. Given her feelings about the chest hair (loves it) and the goatee (don’t you dare shave it), I shudder to think of her reaction to possible leg baldness.
On the bright side, I am fortunate not to be carrying a shag carpet on the guns. It is light both in density and color. From a distance, you might not even see it. If you’re on my wheel you might notice it, but you’d have to catch my wheel first.
@KW Are you man or mouse… do it and then if she has a problem with it tell her they’re YOUR legs and to stop objectifying you.
Apparently some preversions of Chris and Mrs Chris make his furry lower limbs an integral part of their marital relations. That’s between them and their webcam friends.
But unless you and your VMH share a mutual fantasy involving Chewbacca role play then I don’t see where your hairy gams come into it.
Speaking as a man who has persuaded his Mrs to go on a Cogal for our 20th wedding anniversary I claim expert judgement in these matters.
@KW nothing to lose, everything to gain.
@KW don’t ask permission. They’re your legs, it’s your hobby. If you want to grow a beard, shave your legs, shave a Mohawk in, just fuggin’ do it.
@KW By all means heed @ChrisO‘s advice and take the uncompromising route but bear in mind that he’s been banished to a distant desert land so he is in effect subject to a fairly permanent Withholding Notice (hence the fact that he now keeps his bike in his bed).
@ChrisO
Apparently some preversions of Chris and Mrs Chris make his furry lower limbs an integral part of their marital relations. That’s between them and their webcam friends.
You mean GCHQ and the NSA, right?
@VeloSix
They don’t just volunteer, they pay for the privilege. the soldiers wear the camo. I realise this makes no sense but its massive.
@KW just say you’re doing it then do it. Weeks of discussion beforehand will just make into a bigger deal than it is.
My wife was generally bemused but luckily she has a long list of other things to be pissed off with me about so what I do with my legs soon became a non issue.
If it helps tell her that you’ve been getting advice off a group of strange men on the Internet. That should help…
@KW
Does she shave her legs? Equal Rites!
@Chris
Yeah, really long, even if you’re tall. I actually thought they’d sent leg warmers by accident.
@norm
This!
@Chris
Also, this. Although, as shitty as this winter has been, that doesn’t sound so bad.
@Otoman
Spoken like a true bachelor.
@Buck Rogers
Whose fucking what??
@KW
7 years ago my VMW agreed to my gun shaving for the first time, against what she thought was her better judgement. Last weekend she was moaning at me about the hairy state of my legs and how spring was almost here and I needed to get the razor out. Merckx bless her!
Do it, deal with it, love it, unless you think it may bring on early Velominipper appearance in which case wait until he/she is born, at which time your poor wife will have enough to worry about that your guns will be the least of it.
@Mike_P
Just shave. I mean, really. You’re about to become a parent? And you’re worried about shaving your legs?
You’re about to be given something to worry about.
@KW
[ Yoda voice ] “Do. Or do not. Otherwise fuck it!”
@Ron
I totally see your point, but given the obesity situation around here, I’m just happy to see people working out. There is one around the corner from where I live and some people just have to sign up for something in order to find the motivation to get a workout.
Not my cup of tea, but if it gets some people active, then I don’t have an issue with it.
@KW
Shave them, endure the ridicule until she comes around and starts realizing how hot your guns look clean shaven. Their threats of divorce etc are exaggerated.
The next step is for her to find hairy legs gross.
@Deakus
Withholding Notice? We’re Cyclists for fucks sake. Going Pre-Race Kelly is just part of the job. Deal with it.
@frank
Except its not Pre-Race Kelly. Its Post-33 Kelly. Which is another thing altogether. Unless you’re already long term married. Which is a form of Pre-Race Kelly, only more enduring.
@KW Our son is in the bathroom shaving….his legs.
It all ended well for Dave, though.
@KW Given the current state of Wisconsin weather, you could be wearing tights/leg warmers until the blessed event. Shave them once the nipper arrives. She’ll be too tired/busy to notice.
On the topic or riding in Wisconsin, I’ve committed to the Cheesehead Roubaix. Who else is in?
@KW
I remember the first time I did, and it was with a great deal of trepidation and self doubt. But I had overstated it, and indeed my wife, who some time before had said she would laugh if I ever did shave the guns, didn’t laugh, and indeed had her switch turned on by their appearance from beneath the veil.
It seems in modern day relationships there is some supposed fear of your other half, in particular the withholding notice. To be honest, if your partner is going to stop you doing something you want to do, that in no way harms them, then I’m not sure they really care for you as much as they do their own thoughts and opinions. And if you are happy to forgo some of your independence, good for you.
I would tell her (not ask) that you are going to shave, go do it, then just go about your business, situation normal. In fact, as a Velominatus, shaving your guns restores balance to the universe, so you are doing the world a favor.
And besides, if you get put on ‘withholding notice’, that just gives you more spare time to ride or fondle your bikes in the dungeon. The best thing is, if you fondle them right, then they comply with the principle of silence, rather than wanting to stay up all night cuddling…
@norm
Ah, yes… pay to be yelled at and belittled by big hulking athletic guys in camo….
I will instead seek the solace of a long, hard, grueling climb when I want punishment.
In the end shaving is not a big deal. If you keep thinking it as a big deal, then it will remain a big deal. “Fuhhgeddaboutit!”
@frank
Amen. We have a standing order to not discourage anyone out exercising when we’re riding (i.e. doing the superior activity) no matter how obese or ridiculous they appear.
Now as to the fat bastards out for a smoke…
@KW
Think of it this way, both of my young daughters have seen me shave my legs for the last 3-4 years and thus are unaware that cyclists don’t shave their legs. If you have a girl now or in the future, we’ll be raising a whole new generation of VMH who expect, even demand, that their VMHusbands are clean-shaven.
Thanks to all for your words of wisdom/encouragement/beratement. I will take it all under advisement.
@Beers
I’ll have to take that one up with my therapist…
@Kyle
Nipper’s not due til September, so that would mean an entire season of inaction on my part. We’ll see how it goes…
I’m planning on being there for the Cheesehead Roubaix. That is, if I can ever get some goddamned road miles in before then. But, as @wiscot said, this weekend’s looking pretty hopeful.
That has to be one of the longest streams of advice I’ve seen here for quite some time.
@KW we’ll be looking forward to confirmation of your clean shaven status.
@frank
Very excellent point. There are just plenty of things I enjoy doing that involve exercise, so it’s hard for me to understand doing something you dread and paying for it. But yes, as long as it gets them moving.
I’m sure someone has come up with one and I’m not a tech fella and I don’t even own a very smart phone…but there must be something like Strava to get people exercising & competing with mates/co-workers/family members, right? (off the bike stuff – walking, jogging, movement)
Great read Marko.
Heading to the shower last night, I asked my flatmates if they needed to use the toilet before I took over the bathroom. My female flattie then asked, without any condescension, “are you shaving your legs?” She knew that I might be a while in there…
@KW
I’m in for the Cheesehead Roubaix, boys. See you there. I think we can get a nice group going.
@KW,
One of the wisest pieces of advice I’ve ever been given is this, “It is far better to beg forgiveness than to ask for permission.” After riding for several years Chewbacca-style, I began shaving after being punished for straying from the road on an MTB with a nasty case of poison oak. It’s no bullshit that caring for abrasions is much less painful when shaven. My girl didn’t even notice for probably a month. Just pull the trigger & don’t sweat it. You’re about to have a kid together, so you’ll both have fatter fish to fry & you’re probably not getting any play for awhile to give her an opportunity to notice anyway. It’s not as though you’re thinking of taking up snorting coke or shooting heroin is it??
Just been given the go ahead from the better half to shave my legs (I showed her this thread) and I’m racing for the first time at the end of the month. I may however have to race cyclocross during the winter to be allowed to keep shaving all year around (a small yet incredibly painful price to pay?!).
Greetings Velominati, I’m new in these parts. a short intro, I’ve been on the bike a few years now. I’ve been lurking, laughing and learning from this site for a while recently, gradually ticking off compliance of rules.
@KW
I decided yesterday to commit properly to cycling with Rule #33. Many hours in the saddle today and the appearance of tan lines already – March in the uk. My joy of cycling has gone up significantly.
@frank
I went to see Rocky Horror Picture Show during the week….sooooo….is it ok to wear fishnet stockings and a garter belt under my bib shorts?
I realise that the G string is a no no due to the no undie rule.
It’s no wonder this convo turned largely into to shaving. Fair enough, discussions take on their own life around here and shaving is certainly part and parcel for Velominati. That said, it’s also about the negative space between training and living our lives. The thought we put into our guns when we’re not riding. Also reveling in the pain we put our legs through that everybody else who exercises seems to loathe. Maybe the sequel will be “No Day is Arm Day.”
My problem is that on days I take off to work on other things, I spend time dwelling on that negative space. Just like chasing a break you don’t need to, this is wasted energy.
When you have to take some days off the bike, how do you just let it go? Focus on the next ride? Realize your passion for cycling ain’t goin’ nowhere?
Or, is this about the Hunger. Just put that fire into the task at hand, whether it is training in the saddle or churning out a project?
This–the site, the articles, and many of the comments–is about metacognition. In my opinion.
Yes, “it’s all about the bike.” That is said in the same way a meditation practitioner is told that it’s all about the breath. It is. And it isn’t.
http://youtu.be/W6_m0J8kPvA
Cross fit, doesn’t look all that bad to me
@VeloSix
My laughed the first day as I just did it ! No questions asked. Now we share the same beautician !
Its what we do, part of the sport and the ritual.
She either supports you or she doesnt.
@Ron
Strava can record running, skiiing, walking, hiking & whatever else the weird ones who don’t ride do.
@Rom Wouldn’t it have been better to go as Rocky and just source some gold bibs and golden slippers?
@Darren H
Well, awesome if you’re going to carry over into ‘cross if just for the sake of being Rule #33 compliant. But I’ll say this, once you start, you’ll keep them smooth regardless of the time of year for a couple reasons. One: it’s rad. Two: there’s a point, somewhere around day 4-5 (depending, and relative to how fast your facial hair grows) where you have to shave. You must shave. Because that shit growing back itches like a million skeeter bites.
Many moons ago, I got smacked on a ride by a inattentive motorist, and it resulted in me having a lacerated Achilles tendon. I got some sutures and a walking cast. 1 week into it, my orthopedist caught me in a ER room (where I was working) with a cast saw, hacking off the cast. I couldn’t take the itching anymore. Had to get the afflicted gun smooth again.
@Deakus
You think your missus will give you shit for shaving ? Try two teenage daughters….
@Mikael Liddy
Walking is not exercise, it’s just how this bi-pedal animal gets from place to place.
@Lukas
Well there is an ongoing joke within our cycling group that I was going to get some gold Lycra shorts like Kylie Minogue after the report that the British track cycling team were using hot pants to keep their muscles warm between races