The proclamation is heard in the office, on social media, at the bar with friends; “It’s leg day.” When someone utters “it’s leg day” the accompanying tone of resentment and even dread is usually followed by an audible “ugh”. This exasperation belies one fact, the person making the utterance is not a cyclist. It’s likely they are a part of the Crossfit cult or on a fitness regimen to tone up and look good in a swimsuit. My immediate thought is, no shit it’s leg day, isn’t every day leg day?
As Cyclists, we cultivate our legs ritualistically. They provide the power that propels us deep into the pain cave, to freedom and to exaltation. Sure, we can talk about building the engine that is our heart and lungs. We do intervals, hill repeats, and sprints to increase aerobic capacity but the act of pushing on our pedals is what makes us move. It is our guns and our guns only that provide the visual evidence of our deposits into the V-Bank. The following is a simple list of acts the Velominati partake in that demonstrate that Every Day is Leg Day:
The Pros go to great lengths in not using their legs to power anything but their bicycles. Coppi used to have his soigneur carry him up flights of stairs to the hotel room. Hincapie would make sure his phone, remote, and other personal needs were at arms’ length on Recovery Days so he wouldn’t have to get off the couch. I wonder if he looked for apartments in Gerona with the toilet in the living room.
Of course most of us are endomorphs who look to be prepubescent boys with bald legs, baby smooth faces, and farmer’s tans. But our legs, our legs are bronzed and chiseled works of effort that would inspire Michelangelo and be worthy of any swimsuit edition (as long as it focuses on the waist down). So regardless of our buggy-whip arms and pencil-necks, let’s celebrate. The next time you hear someone bemoan their own personal leg day hell, remember that for you as well it is leg day. Take pride in the fact that you are a Velominatus and that for you, Every Day is Leg Day. Because on that day, regardless of the day of the week or where on your training calendar it lands, you have done something to honor your pins.
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@KW
Shave them, endure the ridicule until she comes around and starts realizing how hot your guns look clean shaven. Their threats of divorce etc are exaggerated.
The next step is for her to find hairy legs gross.
@Deakus
Withholding Notice? We're Cyclists for fucks sake. Going Pre-Race Kelly is just part of the job. Deal with it.
@frank
Except its not Pre-Race Kelly. Its Post-33 Kelly. Which is another thing altogether. Unless you're already long term married. Which is a form of Pre-Race Kelly, only more enduring.
@KW Our son is in the bathroom shaving....his legs.
It all ended well for Dave, though.
@KW Given the current state of Wisconsin weather, you could be wearing tights/leg warmers until the blessed event. Shave them once the nipper arrives. She'll be too tired/busy to notice.
On the topic or riding in Wisconsin, I've committed to the Cheesehead Roubaix. Who else is in?
@KW
I remember the first time I did, and it was with a great deal of trepidation and self doubt. But I had overstated it, and indeed my wife, who some time before had said she would laugh if I ever did shave the guns, didn't laugh, and indeed had her switch turned on by their appearance from beneath the veil.
It seems in modern day relationships there is some supposed fear of your other half, in particular the withholding notice. To be honest, if your partner is going to stop you doing something you want to do, that in no way harms them, then I'm not sure they really care for you as much as they do their own thoughts and opinions. And if you are happy to forgo some of your independence, good for you.
I would tell her (not ask) that you are going to shave, go do it, then just go about your business, situation normal. In fact, as a Velominatus, shaving your guns restores balance to the universe, so you are doing the world a favor.
And besides, if you get put on 'withholding notice', that just gives you more spare time to ride or fondle your bikes in the dungeon. The best thing is, if you fondle them right, then they comply with the principle of silence, rather than wanting to stay up all night cuddling...
@norm
Ah, yes... pay to be yelled at and belittled by big hulking athletic guys in camo....
I will instead seek the solace of a long, hard, grueling climb when I want punishment.
In the end shaving is not a big deal. If you keep thinking it as a big deal, then it will remain a big deal. "Fuhhgeddaboutit!"
@frank
Amen. We have a standing order to not discourage anyone out exercising when we're riding (i.e. doing the superior activity) no matter how obese or ridiculous they appear.
Now as to the fat bastards out for a smoke...
@KW
Think of it this way, both of my young daughters have seen me shave my legs for the last 3-4 years and thus are unaware that cyclists don't shave their legs. If you have a girl now or in the future, we'll be raising a whole new generation of VMH who expect, even demand, that their VMHusbands are clean-shaven.