Bikes leaning at the gite, waiting to hit the cobbles on Keepers Tour 2013.
There are always at least two ways to accomplish any task: properly and improperly. Drinking beer from a glass, not the bottle; carrying a full umbrella instead of a miniature fold-up; stirring your gin martinis, not shaking them; wearing french cuffs with a suit, not button cuffs. The Velominatus, of course, is drawn towards doing things Properly, even when doing so comes at the expense of convenience.
While its true that doing something correctly may not always be the same as doing something the easy way, when it comes to the practice of leaning one’s bicycle against a wall, doing so properly is is maddeningly easy. Bicycles have wheels and wheels are what enable the mode of forward locomotion that brings us such pleasure. The fine print indicates, however, that these wheels are not biased towards forward motion. On the contrary, wheels are quite happy to roll in any direction they please, provided gravity or an external force provide ample reason to do so. And, despite being more than sturdy enough to bound down a cobbled farm track at high speed, bicycles are rather delicate things not suited for rolling off unsupervised. Derailleur hangers are easily bent, paintwork is easily scratched, and bar tape and saddles easily scuffed when wheels start unexpectedly rolling and steeds fall over.
For this reason, it is critical that one practices safe leaning:
When leaning your loyal steed against a well, care must be taken to lean the bike by its saddle and by its inside hood. There are several reasons for this including the notion that neither the saddle (made of lightly padded leather) nor the hood (made of rubber) are as wont to slip as is the frame. Leaning it by the hood also ensures the front wheel is pointing parallel to the wall, not away from it, offering an additional bit of insurance against an errant roll-away. Should one be leaning their bicycle against something too low to make saddle contact, the rear wheel and hood makes for a viable alternate.
Lean the machine with the mechanicals facing out. This will help avoid inadvertently crushing the derailleur against the wall and bending the rear derailleur hanger. That said, among Keepers polled, only one (who, in order to protect Brett’s identity, shall remain anonymous) made the case that keeping the mechs facing inward protects them from being brushed up against. Use your discretion here, but if leaning in, make sure ample space is left to prevent contact with the drivetrain and the wall.
When leaning a group of bikes against the wall, lean them all in the same direction such that the front wheel of the bike to the left overlaps with the back wheel of the bike to the right. This allows for a compact stacking of machines, prevents tangling of bars or other forms of damage-inducing fraternization between bikes, and allows any of the bikes to be removed from its place in the line without moving adjacent machines. While point two allows for the choice of facing in or out, when leaning groups of bikes against the wall, care will be taken to lean them all in the same direction and in this case facing mechanicals out will help prevent accidentally catching a wheel in a derailleur.
If leaning a bike against something smaller than a wall, the safest way to do so is to lean it only by the rear wheel, ensuring ample lean is given and that the orientation of the bicycle is chosen to minimize likelihood of the machine suddenly making a break for it. Leaning it against just the saddle is also an option should a stable leaning point be available. Under no circumstances is one to lean the bike by any part of the frame.
If your bicycle should begin to fall or to move in any way, you are to drop whatever you are doing and use your own or a nearby companion’s body to arrest the fall and prevent damage of any sort to the machine. You should be willing to sacrifice personal injury by way of means to this end. Be it your child or your bong, drop that thing and make haste to rescue your machine. Rule #4, fucktards.
Vive la Vie Velominatus.
frank
The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking.
As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it.
Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen.
Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.
I'm assuming you've tried them, then? Their extra slim fit is similar to Banana's fitted shirts - slim enough for me (5'11", 32/33" waist, 160 lbs, and not muscular up top at all). If you want slimmer, then you might as well wear a jersey instead and stuff some high calorie snacks in the rear pockets. As Chris says, don't buy them full price, but they offer deals all the time (I bought a shirt and got a free tie for $50).
From where I'm standing, fashion "sense" these days seems to be a race to the bottom. The one nice thing is that it's incredibly easy to look good because so many people dress like bums.
@Ron One thing about ISPs is that they increase the cost of freight considerably because you need to ship a bigger box. Had that with Fuji Track Pros in NZ for a couple years when the Al frames had ISPs, and they were too expensive to bring into the country. Matters less to companies like Look and Time, which might still do it, but for mass producers of frames, you need a more compelling argument for it.
Never thought about this aspect. Thanks for the info!
My housemate just brought home an unwanted bike rack. Oh boy, now I need to build my bike shed, can just have all the steeds lined up, one after the other. Talk about a good starter for a bike workshop! It allows you to lean your bike by the rear wheel against a vertical bar, while it also cups the wheel between two flat bars.
I'm assuming you've tried them, then? Their extra slim fit is similar to Banana's fitted shirts - slim enough for me (5'11"³, 32/33"³ waist, 160 lbs, and not muscular up top at all). If you want slimmer, then you might as well wear a jersey instead and stuff some high calorie snacks in the rear pockets. As Chris says, don't buy them full price, but they offer deals all the time (I bought a shirt and got a free tie for $50).
I haven't tried them no, which makes my post seem rash perhaps. The problem is I need a 15.5" neck but their shirts in that size are meant for a much larger chest. Even extra slim fit would have extra allowance on the chest size, so chances of it fitting are very "slim". Not even in the ballpark for tailoring probably.
@frank one thing with the sweater though is that you'll want a barrel/button cuff on your shirt to ensure you don't end up stretching the sleeve ends of the sweater...
I'm assuming you've tried them, then? Their extra slim fit is similar to Banana's fitted shirts - slim enough for me (5'11"³, 32/33"³ waist, 160 lbs, and not muscular up top at all). If you want slimmer, then you might as well wear a jersey instead and stuff some high calorie snacks in the rear pockets. As Chris says, don't buy them full price, but they offer deals all the time (I bought a shirt and got a free tie for $50).
I haven't tried them no, which makes my post seem rash perhaps. The problem is I need a 15.5"³ neck but their shirts in that size are meant for a much larger chest. Even extra slim fit would have extra allowance on the chest size, so chances of it fitting are very "slim". Not even in the ballpark for tailoring probably.
I've had Tyrwhitt shirts and also slim fit from Thomas Pink - the Pink ones are a little narrower and fitted I thik so maybe try them. It still won't be the same as a tmade-to-measure shirt, however the TP slim-fit are the only off-the-peg shirts I can wear under a tailored suit.
CT used to be really brilliant online - great deals and super-fast orders - but I stopped using them after their service fell away dramatically and I had a couple of frustrating experiences with ordered items not being available and so on. I must have been one of their fairly early online customers, I guess around 1999-2000, and in those days they outshone anything else in terms of online shopping experience. They seemed to change their whole philosophy and setup, I assume to meet bigger demand and expansion, which was a pity. The quality has always been good though.
I only have to wear a suit to weddings, funerals and court appearances and I try to keep all three of these events to a bare minimum.
So, I have nothing to add to this conversation other than the last time i bought a suit there was a fancy, well lit, octagonal mirrored changing room. I ended up spending more time admiring the guns from all angles than looking at the suit. They looked fabulous.
@DerHoggz I've had success with Calvin Klein extra slim fit. I have a whole closet full of them.
Not sure if they come in French cuffs but I like the idea.
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@DerHoggz
I'm assuming you've tried them, then? Their extra slim fit is similar to Banana's fitted shirts - slim enough for me (5'11", 32/33" waist, 160 lbs, and not muscular up top at all). If you want slimmer, then you might as well wear a jersey instead and stuff some high calorie snacks in the rear pockets. As Chris says, don't buy them full price, but they offer deals all the time (I bought a shirt and got a free tie for $50).
From where I'm standing, fashion "sense" these days seems to be a race to the bottom. The one nice thing is that it's incredibly easy to look good because so many people dress like bums.
@minion
Never thought about this aspect. Thanks for the info!
My housemate just brought home an unwanted bike rack. Oh boy, now I need to build my bike shed, can just have all the steeds lined up, one after the other. Talk about a good starter for a bike workshop! It allows you to lean your bike by the rear wheel against a vertical bar, while it also cups the wheel between two flat bars.
@frank So is a MAVIC Tshirt.
Curse your clip-art.
@Tartan1749
I haven't tried them no, which makes my post seem rash perhaps. The problem is I need a 15.5" neck but their shirts in that size are meant for a much larger chest. Even extra slim fit would have extra allowance on the chest size, so chances of it fitting are very "slim". Not even in the ballpark for tailoring probably.
@frank one thing with the sweater though is that you'll want a barrel/button cuff on your shirt to ensure you don't end up stretching the sleeve ends of the sweater...
@DerHoggz
I've had Tyrwhitt shirts and also slim fit from Thomas Pink - the Pink ones are a little narrower and fitted I thik so maybe try them. It still won't be the same as a tmade-to-measure shirt, however the TP slim-fit are the only off-the-peg shirts I can wear under a tailored suit.
CT used to be really brilliant online - great deals and super-fast orders - but I stopped using them after their service fell away dramatically and I had a couple of frustrating experiences with ordered items not being available and so on. I must have been one of their fairly early online customers, I guess around 1999-2000, and in those days they outshone anything else in terms of online shopping experience. They seemed to change their whole philosophy and setup, I assume to meet bigger demand and expansion, which was a pity. The quality has always been good though.
I only have to wear a suit to weddings, funerals and court appearances and I try to keep all three of these events to a bare minimum.
So, I have nothing to add to this conversation other than the last time i bought a suit there was a fancy, well lit, octagonal mirrored changing room. I ended up spending more time admiring the guns from all angles than looking at the suit. They looked fabulous.
@DerHoggz I've had success with Calvin Klein extra slim fit. I have a whole closet full of them.
Not sure if they come in French cuffs but I like the idea.