This week’s Guest Article comes from our friend, @blacktoolpower (l) and our editor Drummond Moir (r). In anticipation of our book’s imminent release, these two donned their lab coats and headed out to the streets of London to assess the state of Rule Compliance in the city’s commuter crowd. Always remember: leave this kind of inspection to professionals and should you find yourself in such a position, take special care to observe Rule #43.
Yours in Cycling, Frank
—
Friday 24th March was a day of reckoning for the cyclists of London. In anticipation of the imminent publication of The Rules: The Way of the Cycling Disciple, we took to the streets, vigilante-style, to assess whether the Cycling population of the capital were Rules Compliant, or Rules Violators.
We were ruthless. We were professional. No fool was suffered gladly.
Do Not Complain If, During Guerilla Bike Inspections, You Get a Cold.
It was rather wet. And cold. And I didn’t have a jacket. But to complain of the subsequent pestilence would be to fail, pure and simple. To Cycle is to suffer; to seek out Rules Violators during the coldest Spring in over 30 years is sheer bravery and dedication. What sort of Bike Inspector would I be if I couldn’t follow that most basic and fundamental of Rules, Rules #5?
Do Not Fear the Common Man
I had minor reservations about Dr. Spackman’s wellbeing should our benevolent intentions during assessment be misconstrued. Fortunately, I was being over-cautious. From the very first Cyclist we flagged down, to the final pair of socks we measured, London’s Cyclists were as accommodating and as friendly as we could have hoped. Rule #43 was adhered to at all times.
Do Not Succumb to Wrath, or to Despair
There were moments of pain. Of hopelessness. Of despondency tinged with impotent fury.
So many EPMSs!
But Dr Spackman and I pressed on, strengthened by sheer conviction in our mission.
[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Rule Inspection/”/]
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Is that a LeMan cycle captured in the wild in London that I see?
I live near a college campus and have to witness horrid bikes in baaaaad shape on a daily basis. Most will have a few thousand dollars in computers/music machines/phones/sunglasses on hand...and be riding a bike with fully unreliable parts that they treat like shite. Makes me sad.
I also want to know why the folks who convert older road bikes to "fixies" almost universally choose a bicycle that is two sizes two big. Hacked off derailleur hangers and 2 cm of seatpost seem to be the norm.
And nice timing for this.
I was out this morning on a ride, determined to climb the steepest local summit Pantani-style. Halfway up, as I turned one of the cutbacks (a minor cousin of a switchback), I approached a woman walking her bike up the hill. I slowed to ask if she was okay, then if she was getting all her gears. "That's the problem." I slowed and talked to her, the steered her onto a sideroad cut into the climb. She was shifting purely by guessing, having no idea how to send her chain in/out at the front or the back, no clue about FD/RD function. I did my best to help her out, being in my V-jersey. At one point I thought she was going to snap on me. Why are people so averse to even the shortest tutorial on shifting? I've had friends, family, and strangers refuse to listen to the basics about shifting, as if it is below them. Maybe drivers/non-cyclists think bike mechanics is below them?
I sorted her out the best I could, then we finished the rest of the climb together, me offering advice but trying not to be preachy. She calmed down and got it, thanked me, and I wished her luck.
I was impressed an older woman on a hybrid and in sandals would take on such a challenge but, my gosh. Nothing wrong with figuring out how to shift before taking on such a climb.
@blackpooltower
Classic. Perhaps too clever to be an accident..?
And Drummond? I always wondered what Where's Wally did for a day job.
@strathlubnaig You're right,. In Paisley you'd be lucky to get away with the most terrifying death stare ever.
@Ron And you win the Rule 3 merit badge for the week. Well done!
@Steampunk
Couldn't agree more.
-Dinan
the Rules polizia........great idea.
Read the teaser last night,going to be a cracking read. Not sure i have ever seen mr Kelly smile though even in retirement.
@blackpooltower
It just makes you sound more impressive. And I mean, look at the size of you! You're a giant, assuming Drummond isn't a pygmee.
Fan-fucking-tastic! I wouldn't have the Jacob's to do that in Portland.
(replace "walking" with "riding").
@scaler911
I think with the US release we need to do one in Seattle, Portland, SFO, and NYC.