It is so deeply entangled at this point, I can no longer tell the threads from one another. The strands once ran cleanly from one bicycle to the next, linking a discrete sequence of events, considerations, wants, and desires. But then, 15 years ago, a strong force entered my life and I was forced to find alternate means of justifying the acquisition of new machines and kit.
Finding a partner to spend your life with is an incredible experience; to discover the half of you that was missing and feel it join to its mate to become whole is something that defies description. But it doesn’t make buying another bike any easier. If your partner isn’t a Cyclist, there will be endless debating over ancillary details like explaining why already having a bike doesn’t preclude needing the machine in question, or why the existing stable can’t fulfill the purposes of the proposed new steed. Then – should the case have been made and the principle of the purchase agreed to – there will come the maddening discussions of budget and the prioritization of food or clothing over the bike. Suffice to say, being in a relationship with your life’s partner is worth it, but only just.
Partnering with a Cyclist is messier still. While food and clothing are quickly rank ordered at the bottom of the priority stack, there is the introduction of quantities of bicycles on the already-stretched budget. As the VMH happily supports and participates enthusiastically in the selection of wheels and kit, the knowledge will be creeping in that this acquisition only emboldens her for her own Rule #12 endeavors; n + 1 slips to n + 2.
It happened smoothly, without me noticing. Happy to have justified and gained budget approval for my original Bianchi EV2, I scoured the farthest reaches of the primordial Interwebs to stretch my budget to the maximum. I emerged from the other side with a full Dura-Ace 9-speed equipped racing machine, at which point I had no alternative but to accept that her steel Bianchi needed more than fresh bar tape in order to stand up against my lovely new steed.
She approved her own budget (I hold a seat on the finance committee but do not have a controlling vote) and emerged from a much shorter process with a Camapa Record 10spd equipped EV4. That’s two EV’s more than mine. Her superior machine meant that I had room to make upgrades while flying unnoticed under the radar; lighter wheels, better pedals, saddles, and stems flowed on and off my prized EV2 for several years until finally she had to admit I was due for a more substantial upgrade.
I have found, through this process, that the secret to a happy partnership is to keep the VMH in a slightly better bike than mine at all times. My upgrades stay one step behind, which gives me room to fiddle with my kit while her machines jump in leaps and bounds. Should I find myself unable to justify my own new upgrades, I approach the Committee with the suggestion that she requires an upgrade – a proposal which is approved without exception or opposition. She always lays claim to the best and lightest machines and I get to build and kit out twice as many nice bikes.
I know I’m not the only one taking this approach; Gianni’s VMH got a full Carbone climbing rig and months later he was throwing a leg over his own new steed. My mom recently acquired a 6.5 kilo Redline gravel machine which I’m sure will precede my dad’s next bike. Keeper Jim kitted his wife Jess out with a beautiful carbone rig only to Twitter his way into his own a short time later. All the more reason to marry a Cyclist.
Oh, the web we weave. And if any of you even mentions the word “tandem”, I’m banning you for a week.
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Doesn't the lead photo violate proper leaning protocol?
I would just like to say (and gloat) that my VMH is awesome. Having lived the N+1 rule by cobbling together some spectacularly awful bikes that are made entirely of found parts. I have a couple of mountain bikes I truly love (yes, I am a hairy-legged mountain biker), a couple of commuters for her and the rest... well... bike shaped objects.
Life's circumstances saw me in a job I didn't enjoy.
Long story short. She bought me a bike shop.
I've posted that on this blog before, but now we're in and operational. I'm working longer hours, for less pay. And I love it.
Part of the lead-in process of buying a bike shop is fantasising over the demo bikes I can award myself. Carbon, XTR (or Dura-ace depending on the steed). Exotic brands (nahh, I need to represent the brands on the floor).
Now, we're operational, and I'm concerning myself with not fucking up a well running business. I'm still riding the same middle-of the road (but nevertheless awesome) Giants, and the fantasy steeds have not materialised.
I have discovered that replacing and/or parting with these bikes is nowhere as easy as I thought. I have formed relationships with them, and lived so many memories. In particular, one crappy Giant Yukon I have had for and ridden nearly every day 8 years. When I bought the Anthem, road tyres went on to the Yukon. It became my commuter and I rode it more than ever. Now I'm going to replace it.
It's odd. This is not the same exotic machinery as is represented on the pages of this brilliant blog, I weight it the other day. 16.7 kilos. However the emotions are the same I am sure. These are my bikes and we have grown together. Now it is time for a change.
I need to find something worthy, and suited to me. Replacing the off-road racer is easy, but I am having a heck of a time finding a suitable heir to the bike I have ridden every day.
@Gianni
I wondered the same thing. "Did Frank's 8 brothers stay at his house last weekend?"
@Rob C I feel your pain. The VMH has no love for the bicycle. Bought her a commuter bike that she hasn't ridden to work in 2 summers. She loves her garden, and, truth be told, I love fresh veggies by the plate-full after I return from a ride. At our house N + 0...but I'm allowed one REALLY nice road bike.
@Days
Dont be shy - no harm in telling people where your shop is. You may find a customer.
As for wives and bikes, mine can pick when i introduce a new frame (admittedly trying the "I have had this for years" on a new TT bike was always going to be a stretch) but she has NFI when it comes to new wheels, etc.
Anyway, I am not afraid to drop $$ on bike gear, because she isnt afraid to load up on new tennis gear at the drop of a hat. "I have to get a new racquet because Coach Troy (or Traysen or Lleyton or whatever the fuck the permatanned mofo is named) told me I need one. He has changed my grip and everything. He made us work so hard today. My legs are so sore."
I am not even sure she is talking about tennis half the time.
@Mike_P
Easy. They get your hand-me-downs!
@roger
I have no idea what make it was, just fairly sure it had red bar tape. I was to shelled to really take notice.
I thought the race was amazing. It was the first race I had ever entered, but having 14 team mates helped. I managed to finish a whopping 138th. The last climb was brutal, and left me completely empty. The last 5k probably took me 20 minutes going downhill.
Overall, it was an amazing time, we only had one case of angry driver the whole ride. I will defineatley do it next year, hopefully not being to fat to climb.
@kixsand
Sorry, I don't follow. I was with you until you mentioned "logical argument" at which point you threw out "whim" and "fancy" And you lost me.
@frank
well said frank, lets have some fun making our bikes look totally rad on what ever budget you can manage.
@roger
You have a job? Pray tell. I thought "work" was from 7:30-7:45. AM.
Fair enough, but all the same it shouldn't make you feel any taller.