It is so deeply entangled at this point, I can no longer tell the threads from one another. The strands once ran cleanly from one bicycle to the next, linking a discrete sequence of events, considerations, wants, and desires. But then, 15 years ago, a strong force entered my life and I was forced to find alternate means of justifying the acquisition of new machines and kit.
Finding a partner to spend your life with is an incredible experience; to discover the half of you that was missing and feel it join to its mate to become whole is something that defies description. But it doesn’t make buying another bike any easier. If your partner isn’t a Cyclist, there will be endless debating over ancillary details like explaining why already having a bike doesn’t preclude needing the machine in question, or why the existing stable can’t fulfill the purposes of the proposed new steed. Then – should the case have been made and the principle of the purchase agreed to – there will come the maddening discussions of budget and the prioritization of food or clothing over the bike. Suffice to say, being in a relationship with your life’s partner is worth it, but only just.
Partnering with a Cyclist is messier still. While food and clothing are quickly rank ordered at the bottom of the priority stack, there is the introduction of quantities of bicycles on the already-stretched budget. As the VMH happily supports and participates enthusiastically in the selection of wheels and kit, the knowledge will be creeping in that this acquisition only emboldens her for her own Rule #12 endeavors; n + 1 slips to n + 2.
It happened smoothly, without me noticing. Happy to have justified and gained budget approval for my original Bianchi EV2, I scoured the farthest reaches of the primordial Interwebs to stretch my budget to the maximum. I emerged from the other side with a full Dura-Ace 9-speed equipped racing machine, at which point I had no alternative but to accept that her steel Bianchi needed more than fresh bar tape in order to stand up against my lovely new steed.
She approved her own budget (I hold a seat on the finance committee but do not have a controlling vote) and emerged from a much shorter process with a Camapa Record 10spd equipped EV4. That’s two EV’s more than mine. Her superior machine meant that I had room to make upgrades while flying unnoticed under the radar; lighter wheels, better pedals, saddles, and stems flowed on and off my prized EV2 for several years until finally she had to admit I was due for a more substantial upgrade.
I have found, through this process, that the secret to a happy partnership is to keep the VMH in a slightly better bike than mine at all times. My upgrades stay one step behind, which gives me room to fiddle with my kit while her machines jump in leaps and bounds. Should I find myself unable to justify my own new upgrades, I approach the Committee with the suggestion that she requires an upgrade – a proposal which is approved without exception or opposition. She always lays claim to the best and lightest machines and I get to build and kit out twice as many nice bikes.
I know I’m not the only one taking this approach; Gianni’s VMH got a full Carbone climbing rig and months later he was throwing a leg over his own new steed. My mom recently acquired a 6.5 kilo Redline gravel machine which I’m sure will precede my dad’s next bike. Keeper Jim kitted his wife Jess out with a beautiful carbone rig only to Twitter his way into his own a short time later. All the more reason to marry a Cyclist.
Oh, the web we weave. And if any of you even mentions the word “tandem”, I’m banning you for a week.
I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…
Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…
The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…
Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…
This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…
I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…
View Comments
@Marcus Hmm, that could explain why the Amazon man and the Ocado guy were having a punch-up outside our house last week.
Sadly if she's having an affair with the Wiggle chap then it is about to come to an end.
I am seriously annoyed with them at the moment - I order a whole Record gruppo, most of which was sent as requested by tracked courier to my office in Dubai. The one missing bit, the chainset, was sent later by regular post. Dubai has no postal delivery. The chances of it ever arriving are near zero, and even if it does I have to drive to the central post office and fight my way through queues and forms.
Wiggle have sent numerous apologies but won't do anything until 25 working days have passed. Their mistake, my problem. So I'm now an ex-customer, having spent a couple of thousand a year with them for the past few years.
Yes I know I should support my LBS but that's easier said than done in the UAE. Until recently there was only one decent shop (in Dubai, none in Abu Dhabi) and they charged exorbitant prices, along with a healthy dose of Attitude. Even the new LBS which supports our team was giving me a 'special' price which was about 50% higher than online. I've got a whole Record set for less than they would have charged for Chorus. Well, I say a whole group but...
When I bought my wheels and Powertap I got them locally and paid about 10-15% more. I don't mind that for the advantage of having a local supplier and someone to sort out problems, but there are limits.
My VMH is an accountant too, so there's no hiding expenses anywhere, but she is a very keen cyclist and due to my time constraints she rides more than me.
We have matching BMCs and both got DA C24s for Christmas.
She is certain her Red broset 2012MY BMC is almost worn out from her 56kg of power pounding and is keenly looking for a replacement in the near future.
To my shame I'm discouraging her from a new purchase so soon.
Also she's keen on nice kit, loving all white, so every order is a combined effort of non-essentials.
@Barracuda
This is also my modus operandi for the larger purchases. Sometimes the accounts committee seems to pick up on the changes and modifications, sometimes not.
Shock of my life came when I sold my downhill bike on ebay. I told a friend that I got a great price for it to which she retorted that the buyer had gotten himself a great deal given all the upgrades listed on the ebay advert.
@meursault
Well played - see you next week.(Insert smiley-winkey emoticon here..)
@Barracuda
Sweet! Getting those out on the road is truly something to look forward to. You've probably already discovered this, but their performance just may feel ever so slightly underwhelming at first, because the hubs seem to require a certain breaking-in period. Mine first got 'loosened up' after I did the first 300-or-so km on them - but now they are like Danish butter. Bliss.
I hope all those bikes are lined up because they are being exchanged for ones of the correct size! You gotta rethink that fit thing bud!
@Robert
At last... you know, all these years we've been looking at Frank's bikes but none of us has had the courage to say it. In fact I think most of us never even noticed.
"The Lord said unto Robert, Go thy way: for he is a chosen vessel unto me, to bear my name before the Velominati, and the children of Merckx:
For I will shew him how great things Frank must suffer for my name's sake.
And Robert went his way, and entered into the website; and putting his hands on his keyboard said, Brother Frank, the Prophet, even Johan, that appeared unto thee in the way as thou camest, hath sent me, that thou mightest receive thy bikefit, and your seat tube be filled with the Holy Post.
And immediately there fell from his eyes as it had been scales: and he received sight forthwith, and arose, and was re-sized."
Acts of the Velominati 9:18
Well the "get a proper size" comment came up later then usual.
@ErikdR
Funny you should mention that, my half dozen rides did feel sluggish and I was questioning whether I had indeed "upgraded " from the original Oval rims that addorned the Fuji, but some 300 kms in they are rolling pretty well. Phew, dodged a bullet there
My VMH started out as a runner. A few months into our relationship, she was injured and my younger brother abandoned his bike, so we fetched her a pair of shoes and got her on the bike. First time out included the obligatory can't-get-out-of-the-cleats spill, but she hardened up and rode the complete planned route with a bloody knee.
At 153cm and 44kg, we're having a tough time fitting her on the bike. Slamming the stem didn't do the job, so we're planning on a Deda Pista -30deg to get her lower. These days she rides from home to whereeverthefuck my team is training that day, and last weekend she arrived at the car with blood running down her legs and arms. "Oh, it's just a crash..." - nutter. We're planning her first century soon, as a warmup to a three-day, 600km tour across the country.
The only problem with such a VMH is, indeed, equipment. I'm not allowed to upgrade my aluminium road bike until she gets a better one (hers is, admittedly, crap - but one does not look a gift horse in the mouth...), and that pair of spare race-wheels that I had lying around suddenly became her new wheelset. On the other hand, waking up at 4am to the smell of fresh coffee and bread more than makes up for it.