It is so deeply entangled at this point, I can no longer tell the threads from one another. The strands once ran cleanly from one bicycle to the next, linking a discrete sequence of events, considerations, wants, and desires. But then, 15 years ago, a strong force entered my life and I was forced to find alternate means of justifying the acquisition of new machines and kit.
Finding a partner to spend your life with is an incredible experience; to discover the half of you that was missing and feel it join to its mate to become whole is something that defies description. But it doesn’t make buying another bike any easier. If your partner isn’t a Cyclist, there will be endless debating over ancillary details like explaining why already having a bike doesn’t preclude needing the machine in question, or why the existing stable can’t fulfill the purposes of the proposed new steed. Then – should the case have been made and the principle of the purchase agreed to – there will come the maddening discussions of budget and the prioritization of food or clothing over the bike. Suffice to say, being in a relationship with your life’s partner is worth it, but only just.
Partnering with a Cyclist is messier still. While food and clothing are quickly rank ordered at the bottom of the priority stack, there is the introduction of quantities of bicycles on the already-stretched budget. As the VMH happily supports and participates enthusiastically in the selection of wheels and kit, the knowledge will be creeping in that this acquisition only emboldens her for her own Rule #12 endeavors; n + 1 slips to n + 2.
It happened smoothly, without me noticing. Happy to have justified and gained budget approval for my original Bianchi EV2, I scoured the farthest reaches of the primordial Interwebs to stretch my budget to the maximum. I emerged from the other side with a full Dura-Ace 9-speed equipped racing machine, at which point I had no alternative but to accept that her steel Bianchi needed more than fresh bar tape in order to stand up against my lovely new steed.
She approved her own budget (I hold a seat on the finance committee but do not have a controlling vote) and emerged from a much shorter process with a Camapa Record 10spd equipped EV4. That’s two EV’s more than mine. Her superior machine meant that I had room to make upgrades while flying unnoticed under the radar; lighter wheels, better pedals, saddles, and stems flowed on and off my prized EV2 for several years until finally she had to admit I was due for a more substantial upgrade.
I have found, through this process, that the secret to a happy partnership is to keep the VMH in a slightly better bike than mine at all times. My upgrades stay one step behind, which gives me room to fiddle with my kit while her machines jump in leaps and bounds. Should I find myself unable to justify my own new upgrades, I approach the Committee with the suggestion that she requires an upgrade – a proposal which is approved without exception or opposition. She always lays claim to the best and lightest machines and I get to build and kit out twice as many nice bikes.
I know I’m not the only one taking this approach; Gianni’s VMH got a full Carbone climbing rig and months later he was throwing a leg over his own new steed. My mom recently acquired a 6.5 kilo Redline gravel machine which I’m sure will precede my dad’s next bike. Keeper Jim kitted his wife Jess out with a beautiful carbone rig only to Twitter his way into his own a short time later. All the more reason to marry a Cyclist.
Oh, the web we weave. And if any of you even mentions the word “tandem”, I’m banning you for a week.
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View Comments
@brett
If you're not pissing off the VMH then your not spending enough, get down your LBS NOW!
Holy fuck! I took one look at that lead photo and thought, "What is that?" then my mind perceived the saddle height and I thought, "My goodness, a look at the GodFather's stable?"
Nice work, Frank! Beautiful set of steeds. It warms my heart to know that there are others out there who love bikes & riding them as much (more!) than I do.
My VMH is very accepting of my pursuit, especially because I've realized that if I just talk about it a bit less, don't discuss new purchases, and just tell her how wonderful my ride was, she is happy.
Wait, we gotta rebuild on our hands? I just knew that 9-s 105 stuff wasn't gonna last. You always have to have better stuff, eh?
Keep up the strong work! VlVV.
@frank That's it? Nothing about the trunk bag? All that collective pump-beating over @Gianni's EPMS and nothing about LUGGAGE in a race? You're not helping in the ongoing battle of the ugly, heavy, un-aero trunk bag.
@frank should've whitewashed your wall before you took that pic...
@freddy
Excellent.
@wiscot
I really want an aero Campa post for the TSX, but it would require a gap of about 6cm of air to get enough extension. Seems structurally unsound that way.
@frank
Probably means it was sporting a Gianni-special EPMS and clip-on aero bars.
@mcsqueak
Perhaps it's been converted to a tandem.
@Beers
A-Merckx. Without the love (or chance at love) of a good woman men would get nothing of consequence done in this world. That said, we'd probably get to ride our bikes a lot more.
With the alternating of CogFather and VMH bikes it looks like some kind of code (dash,dash,dot,dash,dash,dot,dot,dot)
I keep on trying to upgrade or add to the VMHs stable but she's perfectly happy with the old touring road bike I got her for a mere $130. It's a nice bike, but a bit too big and I'd love to get her away from DTS. But, she likes it so I'll let it be. I even suggested she ride a mtn. bike we have sitting around so we could run the dog off road. She scoffed at even riding anything but her own bike.
Single cyclists. I was just pondering this because one of the cycling listserves I'm on offered a century on Monday. While I love riding my bike I thought, jaysus, you have a day off to spend with your VMH and eat some dogs and slaw...or go ride for the entire day. Who the fuck are these people doing that? Single or divorced I suppose. And I can only imagine how things will change with the n+1 humanoid arrives.