Winner on the road, loser in the mirror. Photo: Gian Mattia D’Alberto

Have you ever been told to take a good look at yourself? Usually it infers that you need to smarten up your ideas, get your shit together, shape up or ship out. If Viagra eyedrops had an advertising campaign, (or indeed existed), their tagline would be: “Take a long, hard look at yourself.”

Most Cyclists need to take a long hard look at themselves. Ourselves. We could do a lot better in the public relations sphere if we took more care to use our playgrounds, ie the roads, as road users rather than pseudo-racers. And we need to take a long, hard look at ourselves every time we kit up and head out the door for a ride. Because what you see in the mirror is what others see also, and we should present ourselves as smart, tidy and sensible, rather than walking fluoro billboards or wannabe Pros.

The mirror is one of the most overlooked pieces of a Cyclist’s kit, and one that needs to be looked into a whole lot more than I suspect it is, going by the rolling messes I see out on the roads on every ride. Of course I’m not endorsing a Rule #66 violation, no sir. Offensive attire isn’t exclusive to the slovenly who go shopping in their tracky pants and Crocs, or the mostly smartly-dressed professionals who top off their neat-pressed pants or skirts with a fucking sleeping bag. You’re not George Costanza, so don’t bother.

It shouldn’t be necessary to tell you how to dress for the ride; you should know that yourself. That’s why The Rules were forged; to educate, yet sometimes to berate is necessary. If you are too clueless to put a helmet on your head level, to wear clean and matching kit, or to buy a pair of socks that don’t expose your fucking ankles, you’re either a hopelessly sloppy individual or a completely lost cause. These are the type of people who go out to dinner with their partner or take long haul flights while wearing rolled-up denim shorts, boat shoes and a t-shirt. Even if you have such little respect for yourself, you, as a member of society, should at least show some for those who have to encounter you.

Let’s smarten things up people. I know for the main part I’m preaching to the converted here, but it’s our duty to spread the knowledge and help ourselves by helping others within our ranks. It’s easy. Pick and choose kit carefully, pre-plan well in advance so you don’t end up just throwing whatever isn’t dirty on, and make sure it’s all adjusted properly. And if you’re in with a show of winning a Monument, straighten up that goddamn helmet!

 

Brett

Don't blame me

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  • @Rules Be Damned

    The ride is always greater than the kit.

    Yes but there is absolutely no need for them to compromise each other.

    Casually deliberate is a tranquil medium.Trying too hard is just as wrong as not trying hard enough.

    The rider tricked out from top to toe in perfectly matched expensive gear or pro-team kit is just as much a douche as the grunge rocker with baggy shorts and hairy legs or the wannabe in an ill-fitting mismatched assortment drawn at random from the depths of a cupboard.

    When I was taught to tie a bowtie it was impressed upon me that it should never be perfect. If you want perfect buy a ready-made clip on. The slight imperfection  of one side being ever so slightly asymmetrical, for example, makes it clear that you have taken the trouble to do it yourself.

    Safe in the knowledge that I have put exactly the right amount of thought and effort into my kit and equipment I can then apply my tranquilo state to my ride.

  • @Rules Be Damned

    Lighten up and ride more. The ride is always greater than the kit.

    No dear, you lighten up, as it seems you don't get the wavelength -- or Brett, for the little I know him through the site -- if you think this advice is needed.  You can safely assume everyone here is quietly having a laugh at themselves all the time, other than those who think everything's being taken too seriously.

  • I'm always bemused by anybody whose response includes the suggestion we should ride more, as if they think we have made some decision to cut back our time on the bike in order to post on the internet.

    Really, how long does it take them to type, even allowing for moving their lips at the same time?

    Invariably they don't tell us how much they ride, and as they have no idea how much we ride we are sadly unable to make comparisons on that front either.

    But given that I'm on track, inshallah, for my 8th year in a row above 10,000km I don't feel that it's something I'm missing out on.

  • That there is one of the most Velominatian articles for some time! I guess like all fine wines, it does take a newbie sometime to mature, but a little direction should always be encouraged

  • @ChrisO

    I'm always bemused by anybody whose response includes the suggestion we should ride more, as if they think we have made some decision to cut back our time on the bike in order to post on the internet.

    Really, how long does it take them to type, even allowing for moving their lips at the same time?

    Invariably they don't tell us how much they ride, and as they have no idea how much we ride we are sadly unable to make comparisons on that front either.

    But given that I'm on track, inshallah, for my 8th year in a row above 10,000km I don't feel that it's something I'm missing out on.

    I mean, don't they know that none of us go out on a ride of under 9 hrs?

  • @ChrisO By the time I've watched the live footage, highlights and rewound the crashes I must have watched at least 20,000km a year. I really can't see how I could fit in more time actually riding.

    The thing that amuses me the most, whether it's on club runs or internet chat, is people who'd quite happily spend a few thousand on a bike/frame/wheels getting worked up over the price of decent kit whether it be Castelli, Assos or Rapha.

    As for helmets, deliberately jaunty or negligently askew (casually negligent?), they've got even less chance of doing the job they were designed to do if they're not properly fitted.

  • @Teocalli nar, this dude looked in the mirror on the way out the door kitted up, "Yep! Killing it!" and smashed all those who thought he was all show and no go.

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