Winner on the road, loser in the mirror. Photo: Gian Mattia D’Alberto

Have you ever been told to take a good look at yourself? Usually it infers that you need to smarten up your ideas, get your shit together, shape up or ship out. If Viagra eyedrops had an advertising campaign, (or indeed existed), their tagline would be: “Take a long, hard look at yourself.”

Most Cyclists need to take a long hard look at themselves. Ourselves. We could do a lot better in the public relations sphere if we took more care to use our playgrounds, ie the roads, as road users rather than pseudo-racers. And we need to take a long, hard look at ourselves every time we kit up and head out the door for a ride. Because what you see in the mirror is what others see also, and we should present ourselves as smart, tidy and sensible, rather than walking fluoro billboards or wannabe Pros.

The mirror is one of the most overlooked pieces of a Cyclist’s kit, and one that needs to be looked into a whole lot more than I suspect it is, going by the rolling messes I see out on the roads on every ride. Of course I’m not endorsing a Rule #66 violation, no sir. Offensive attire isn’t exclusive to the slovenly who go shopping in their tracky pants and Crocs, or the mostly smartly-dressed professionals who top off their neat-pressed pants or skirts with a fucking sleeping bag. You’re not George Costanza, so don’t bother.

It shouldn’t be necessary to tell you how to dress for the ride; you should know that yourself. That’s why The Rules were forged; to educate, yet sometimes to berate is necessary. If you are too clueless to put a helmet on your head level, to wear clean and matching kit, or to buy a pair of socks that don’t expose your fucking ankles, you’re either a hopelessly sloppy individual or a completely lost cause. These are the type of people who go out to dinner with their partner or take long haul flights while wearing rolled-up denim shorts, boat shoes and a t-shirt. Even if you have such little respect for yourself, you, as a member of society, should at least show some for those who have to encounter you.

Let’s smarten things up people. I know for the main part I’m preaching to the converted here, but it’s our duty to spread the knowledge and help ourselves by helping others within our ranks. It’s easy. Pick and choose kit carefully, pre-plan well in advance so you don’t end up just throwing whatever isn’t dirty on, and make sure it’s all adjusted properly. And if you’re in with a show of winning a Monument, straighten up that goddamn helmet!

 

Brett

Don't blame me

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  • @Rules Be Damned

    I do get a laugh sometimes with earnestness shown by many on this site around the importance of The Rules. Trust me Brett, no one in their car thinks about what we cyclists wear beyond "lyrca" and the last thing that Kristoff should be thinking about during a sprint finish for a Monument is whether his helmet or any other part of his kit is up to Velominati standards. Lighten up and ride more. The ride is always greater than the kit.

    And this is why you fail.

    Cycling is a psychological endeavor. Not only is it necessary for one to manage one's own mental state to deal with the rigors and challenges of the road to pump power through the guns efficiently, but one also has to project cool, calm, confidence in order to reduce challengers to withering oblivion when The V hits the tarmac. Nothing in my mind compromises this more than a crooked helmet. As shown clearly above, it can take even the mightiest competitor from titan to toddler in the blink of an eye.

    Look at these helmets. You couldn't have set them straighter with a laser...

  • @RondeVan

    There is something to be said for maintaining appearances on the podium as well.

    Are you talking about what the winner has on his head or the fact that Davide Rebellin is standing there too?

  • @Mikael Liddy

    @RondeVan oh dear Merckx! This is definitely where OPQS leads the way...

    Exactly. Degenkolb's socks were too long and had ugly stripes around the top and Fabs wore some lululemon tights his wife gave him. Both wore ball caps. Terpstra looked fantastic.

  • Just how exactly does one's helmet get so esqued outside of getting whacked in the head? (Which probably should happen to some people).

  • Here I was thinking that this would be a piece solely bashing Kristoff and his crooked helmet. But, what we have is a brilliantly written Public Service Announcement on looking the part, being proper, looking classy, and having some damn self-respect.

    Well done, Brett!

    Two things: the VMH returned from a weekend trip with the mother-in-law. She had been gifted some sporty Crocs. Fuck! I did my best to keep those damn things out of my life. I immediately called her and told her that was an unwelcome gift. I view those things as one reason why we're all fucked. If you can't bother to bend down and tie your shoes once and awhile, how can we expect you to produce anything good to share with humanity?

    Secondly, was finishing my ride last Saturday, cutting through the local university campus. Alumni weekend, tons of distracted, confused drivers and came to an intersection with a fully kitted uni team cyclist ahead of me. She proceeded to almost get herself right hooked - the car had safely passed, the driver had signaled well in advance...and she nearly pedaled straight ahead as it was turning.

    I'm still baffled. You should be denied team kit, for any team, if you are that oblivious and reckless. She just was totally spaced out at a major four-way intersection with stacks of cars in every lane.

  • @ChrissyOne

    @Rules Be Damned

    I do get a laugh sometimes with earnestness shown by many on this site around the importance of The Rules. Trust me Brett, no one in their car thinks about what we cyclists wear beyond "lyrca" and the last thing that Kristoff should be thinking about during a sprint finish for a Monument is whether his helmet or any other part of his kit is up to Velominati standards. Lighten up and ride more. The ride is always greater than the kit.

    And this is why you fail.

    Cycling is a psychological endeavor. Not only is it necessary for one to manage one's own mental state to deal with the rigors and challenges of the road to pump power through the guns efficiently, but one also has to project cool, calm, confidence in order to reduce challengers to withering oblivion when The V hits the tarmac. Nothing in my mind compromises this more than a crooked helmet. As shown clearly above, it can take even the mightiest competitor from titan to toddler in the blink of an eye.

    Look at these helmets. You couldn't have set them straighter with a laser...

    If I knew how to decipher Frank's badge code thingy while he's on vaca I'd give this girl a +1 badge here. If for nothing else than the style in the pic.

  • @wiscot

    Excellent stuff! Looking good should be as important as a well-maintained machine. It's really not that difficult to do a bit of coordination - you simply buy clothing/gear based on a few colors/patters, etc.

    This extends beyond the bike. I regularly wear a suit and tie and feel damn comfortable doing so. Whether "smart" or "casual" well-fitting clothes are comfortable. I hate the excuse that baggy, formless shit is "comfortable" if worn in public. No, it's just lazy. Many airport users never fail to stun me with their slovenliness. To paraphrase David Sedaries who was talking about an American couple on the Paris metro, "Never visit someone else's country dressed as if you've come to mow the lawn."

    Or my personal favorite...lounge pants in public. I'm a huge fan of the lounge pants and put them on the second I get home from work, etc., but I would never in a million years wear them to shop in or go to the library (where I work and see them all too often). My favorite is when these people come in dressed like that to fill out a job applications - it wouldn't surprise me if these same people wore them to a job interview.

  • @cyclebrarian

    @wiscot

    Excellent stuff! Looking good should be as important as a well-maintained machine. It's really not that difficult to do a bit of coordination - you simply buy clothing/gear based on a few colors/patters, etc.

    This extends beyond the bike. I regularly wear a suit and tie and feel damn comfortable doing so. Whether "smart" or "casual" well-fitting clothes are comfortable. I hate the excuse that baggy, formless shit is "comfortable" if worn in public. No, it's just lazy. Many airport users never fail to stun me with their slovenliness. To paraphrase David Sedaries who was talking about an American couple on the Paris metro, "Never visit someone else's country dressed as if you've come to mow the lawn."

    Or my personal favorite...lounge pants in public. I'm a huge fan of the lounge pants and put them on the second I get home from work, etc., but I would never in a million years wear them to shop in or go to the library (where I work and see them all too often). My favorite is when these people come in dressed like that to fill out a job applications - it wouldn't surprise me if these same people wore them to a job interview.

    Oh don't get me started ranting at this early hour . . . had a person visit my place of work last December. She bent over. I really didn't want to see what I saw. Really? Jeans that fit too much to ask? Folks who think their personal "dress code" is fine and dandy for all occasions. Actually, it's not, I hate to tell you. I've been to funerals where folks seems to take a break from yard work to attend without changing. Mind you, I live in WI where a recent funeral notice encouraged all attendees to wear Packer gear. "sigh"

  • Whenever I teach a college/university course I tell the students on the first day, along with passing out the syllabus, that pajamas, pajama pants, slippers, or house shoes will not be tolerated in the classroom.

    I see people going around town all the fucking time in slippers. Damnit. And these aren't old folks who've slipped security at the retirement center.

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Brett

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