The Mirror
Have you ever been told to take a good look at yourself? Usually it infers that you need to smarten up your ideas, get your shit together, shape up or ship out. If Viagra eyedrops had an advertising campaign, (or indeed existed), their tagline would be: “Take a long, hard look at yourself.”
Most Cyclists need to take a long hard look at themselves. Ourselves. We could do a lot better in the public relations sphere if we took more care to use our playgrounds, ie the roads, as road users rather than pseudo-racers. And we need to take a long, hard look at ourselves every time we kit up and head out the door for a ride. Because what you see in the mirror is what others see also, and we should present ourselves as smart, tidy and sensible, rather than walking fluoro billboards or wannabe Pros.
The mirror is one of the most overlooked pieces of a Cyclist’s kit, and one that needs to be looked into a whole lot more than I suspect it is, going by the rolling messes I see out on the roads on every ride. Of course I’m not endorsing a Rule #66 violation, no sir. Offensive attire isn’t exclusive to the slovenly who go shopping in their tracky pants and Crocs, or the mostly smartly-dressed professionals who top off their neat-pressed pants or skirts with a fucking sleeping bag. You’re not George Costanza, so don’t bother.
It shouldn’t be necessary to tell you how to dress for the ride; you should know that yourself. That’s why The Rules were forged; to educate, yet sometimes to berate is necessary. If you are too clueless to put a helmet on your head level, to wear clean and matching kit, or to buy a pair of socks that don’t expose your fucking ankles, you’re either a hopelessly sloppy individual or a completely lost cause. These are the type of people who go out to dinner with their partner or take long haul flights while wearing rolled-up denim shorts, boat shoes and a t-shirt. Even if you have such little respect for yourself, you, as a member of society, should at least show some for those who have to encounter you.
Let’s smarten things up people. I know for the main part I’m preaching to the converted here, but it’s our duty to spread the knowledge and help ourselves by helping others within our ranks. It’s easy. Pick and choose kit carefully, pre-plan well in advance so you don’t end up just throwing whatever isn’t dirty on, and make sure it’s all adjusted properly. And if you’re in with a show of winning a Monument, straighten up that goddamn helmet!
Excellent stuff! Looking good should be as important as a well-maintained machine. It’s really not that difficult to do a bit of coordination – you simply buy clothing/gear based on a few colors/patters, etc.
This extends beyond the bike. I regularly wear a suit and tie and feel damn comfortable doing so. Whether “smart” or “casual” well-fitting clothes are comfortable. I hate the excuse that baggy, formless shit is “comfortable” if worn in public. No, it’s just lazy. Many airport users never fail to stun me with their slovenliness. To paraphrase David Sedaries who was talking about an American couple on the Paris metro, “Never visit someone else’s country dressed as if you’ve come to mow the lawn.”
Well said. As @wiscot said, it extends to off the bike as well. I work at being fit and trim, and baggy clothes are a lazy, slovenly way out for the lazy and slovenly. Buying shirts that are not the baggy “American Gut Cut” can be a challenge. But it is part of Looking Fabulous, it is what a Velominatus does.
Great article, but the trend with helmet’s these days look like they’ve been modeled after piss-pots. So if you’re wearing a piss pot on your head at least make sure the damn thing is straight…..
Well at least with the spring classics, we don’t have to suffer the unzipped jersey offense.
Not specifically cycling but more relating to the horrors you see in public my VMH has a saying that we both mutter now “Have you no mirrors in your house?”
Talking of smart (of a certain era) and the correct V colour?
http://society6.com/SlackersPeloton/Clockwork-Peloton_Mug#27=199
Well, consider that some of those folks look in the mirro before departing the house and think,”Yeah, that’s it, I’m bad….”
Haha, as soon as I started reading this I knew it was by Brett, how did I know? Brett is is New Zealand and Kiwis have absolutely no regard for how to look fantastic on a bike. Cycling attire seems to be acquired by price and not how good it is or how amazingly fast it makes one look at the pub after the ride.
In Auckland, the amount of 12grand bikes being ridden by people in miss matching ill fitting team kit with no socks is incredible. Having said that, I do respect those who clearly dont give a fuck and just ride there bikes. I however prefer to look euro as fuck and ride the shit out of my bike at the same time. There is literaly nothing more pro than sitting at Swashbucklers pub, full fantastic Lycra, table strewn with handles of beer.
Helmet tipped, stud.
@RedRanger this is the one aspect that Faboo regularly fails at, I know last year’s MSR was tough, but that’s no excuse for this…
Never hurts to have a reminder, I always try to look fantastic, it makes up for my lack of speed
@pink it was all going so well until you said Swashbucklers and Pro.
I have many flaws. But this is not one of them. I take Looking Fantastic more seriously than almost any other aspect of cycling. Riding by the big store windows? Yes, I am in fact checking myself out. I will do many dumb things. But I will do them all with style.
@Mikael Liddy
I like the idea that in an attempt to break his Fab handlebars, he also shook the hell out of his helmet. The cap is there at least.
@ChrissyOne
I think it’s impossble for a cyclist not to go past shop/office windows, especially mirror tinted ones, without checking yourself out. Or if riding with one or more others, keep the head straight and turn your eyeballs to “the mirror” for modest vanity.
@unversio the cap is where the issue lies, somehow he’s managed to keep his helmet straight while pointing his cap somewhere out to the right at 45 degrees.
@pink
There now “euro as fuck” it rolls of the tongue.
“euro as fuck” rolls off the tongue like “muthafugga”
@Mikael Liddy
Flava Flavian
@RedRanger
Ok, here’s the difference between Herr Cancellara and Signor Katusha: Fabian’s helmet is at a jaunty angle, the latter’s is simply askew. A subtle difference, but it is there for sure.
Checking my reflection in windows? You bet I do.
@sthilzy
Agreed. And this goes for any cycle I ride. I’ve been known to pull the YMCA up onto the sidewalk or ride along side a polished sheet-metal lorry to get a better look and make sure my leathers are still crisp. Looking good may or may not make you faster, but looking a dreadful mess will certainly make you slower.
@wiscot “Checking my reflection in windows? You bet I do”
Strong work, Isnt that what windows are for, they arent for looking out of from the inside, most definately designed for us / me to check the style points count whilst riding past.
The true art is in looking at yourself without actually looking at yourself.
@Barracuda
Mirrored shades are the clear advantage here.
@ChrissyOne
I prefer to make use the reflective rear windows of whatever urban tractor (think Range Rover) I end up behind at the traffic lights. One up side to the cars being so big & having a flat rear end is you get a near perfect mirror.
Good stuff! When I lived in Michigan, we road great country roads ala de ronde. It was cut-throat, dod-eat-dog racing. But whenever we would roll through a little town with a supermarket, we would yell “form check!!”, everyone would check their bike position/kit with a momentary break in the hostilities, and then resume action. Riding well is only gratifying if you look well too. When I saw the finale of MSR, my first thought was, ” god, that cost Giro some helmet sales”. I sold my air attack the next day and bought a Louis Garneau Course.
@Mikael Liddy
Strong work indeed, and especially effective here in ‘Murica where the big beasts abound.
In my local territory, however, I have the great fortune of passing an empty strip mall on my way out of the house. The lights are always out within, making for a strong, clean reflection in those 12’ tall panes. Passersby no doubt assume I’m scoping the space for a real estate deal or a future failed business.
There is something to be said for maintaining appearances on the podium as well.
@RondeVan oh dear Merckx! This is definitely where OPQS leads the way…
I do get a laugh sometimes with earnestness shown by many on this site around the importance of The Rules. Trust me Brett, no one in their car thinks about what we cyclists wear beyond “lyrca” and the last thing that Kristoff should be thinking about during a sprint finish for a Monument is whether his helmet or any other part of his kit is up to Velominati standards. Lighten up and ride more. The ride is always greater than the kit.
@Rules Be Damned
Yes but there is absolutely no need for them to compromise each other.
Casually deliberate is a tranquil medium.Trying too hard is just as wrong as not trying hard enough.
The rider tricked out from top to toe in perfectly matched expensive gear or pro-team kit is just as much a douche as the grunge rocker with baggy shorts and hairy legs or the wannabe in an ill-fitting mismatched assortment drawn at random from the depths of a cupboard.
When I was taught to tie a bowtie it was impressed upon me that it should never be perfect. If you want perfect buy a ready-made clip on. The slight imperfection of one side being ever so slightly asymmetrical, for example, makes it clear that you have taken the trouble to do it yourself.
Safe in the knowledge that I have put exactly the right amount of thought and effort into my kit and equipment I can then apply my tranquilo state to my ride.
@Rules Be Damned
No dear, you lighten up, as it seems you don’t get the wavelength — or Brett, for the little I know him through the site — if you think this advice is needed. You can safely assume everyone here is quietly having a laugh at themselves all the time, other than those who think everything’s being taken too seriously.
I’m always bemused by anybody whose response includes the suggestion we should ride more, as if they think we have made some decision to cut back our time on the bike in order to post on the internet.
Really, how long does it take them to type, even allowing for moving their lips at the same time?
Invariably they don’t tell us how much they ride, and as they have no idea how much we ride we are sadly unable to make comparisons on that front either.
But given that I’m on track, inshallah, for my 8th year in a row above 10,000km I don’t feel that it’s something I’m missing out on.
@wiscot yes. Very casual deliberate.
That there is one of the most Velominatian articles for some time! I guess like all fine wines, it does take a newbie sometime to mature, but a little direction should always be encouraged
@ChrisO
I mean, don’t they know that none of us go out on a ride of under 9 hrs?
@ChrisO By the time I’ve watched the live footage, highlights and rewound the crashes I must have watched at least 20,000km a year. I really can’t see how I could fit in more time actually riding.
The thing that amuses me the most, whether it’s on club runs or internet chat, is people who’d quite happily spend a few thousand on a bike/frame/wheels getting worked up over the price of decent kit whether it be Castelli, Assos or Rapha.
As for helmets, deliberately jaunty or negligently askew (casually negligent?), they’ve got even less chance of doing the job they were designed to do if they’re not properly fitted.
@unversio
Badass!
@sthilzy
hmmm – somehow it looked better on Cippo……..but even then I’m not convinced about it.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/darkchocula/3570444466/in/photostream/
@Teocalli nar, this dude looked in the mirror on the way out the door kitted up, “Yep! Killing it!” and smashed all those who thought he was all show and no go.
@sthilzy +1
@Rules Be Damned
And this is why you fail.
Cycling is a psychological endeavor. Not only is it necessary for one to manage one’s own mental state to deal with the rigors and challenges of the road to pump power through the guns efficiently, but one also has to project cool, calm, confidence in order to reduce challengers to withering oblivion when The V hits the tarmac. Nothing in my mind compromises this more than a crooked helmet. As shown clearly above, it can take even the mightiest competitor from titan to toddler in the blink of an eye.
Look at these helmets. You couldn’t have set them straighter with a laser…
@RondeVan
Are you talking about what the winner has on his head or the fact that Davide Rebellin is standing there too?
@Mikael Liddy
Exactly. Degenkolb’s socks were too long and had ugly stripes around the top and Fabs wore some lululemon tights his wife gave him. Both wore ball caps. Terpstra looked fantastic.
Just how exactly does one’s helmet get so esqued outside of getting whacked in the head? (Which probably should happen to some people).
Here I was thinking that this would be a piece solely bashing Kristoff and his crooked helmet. But, what we have is a brilliantly written Public Service Announcement on looking the part, being proper, looking classy, and having some damn self-respect.
Well done, Brett!
Two things: the VMH returned from a weekend trip with the mother-in-law. She had been gifted some sporty Crocs. Fuck! I did my best to keep those damn things out of my life. I immediately called her and told her that was an unwelcome gift. I view those things as one reason why we’re all fucked. If you can’t bother to bend down and tie your shoes once and awhile, how can we expect you to produce anything good to share with humanity?
Secondly, was finishing my ride last Saturday, cutting through the local university campus. Alumni weekend, tons of distracted, confused drivers and came to an intersection with a fully kitted uni team cyclist ahead of me. She proceeded to almost get herself right hooked – the car had safely passed, the driver had signaled well in advance…and she nearly pedaled straight ahead as it was turning.
I’m still baffled. You should be denied team kit, for any team, if you are that oblivious and reckless. She just was totally spaced out at a major four-way intersection with stacks of cars in every lane.
@ChrissyOne
If I knew how to decipher Frank’s badge code thingy while he’s on vacaI’d give this girl a +1 badge here. If for nothing else than the style in the pic.@wiscot
Or my personal favorite…lounge pants in public. I’m a huge fan of the lounge pants and put them on the second I get home from work, etc., but I would never in a million years wear them to shop in or go to the library (where I work and see them all too often). My favorite is when these people come in dressed like that to fill out a job applications – it wouldn’t surprise me if these same people wore them to a job interview.
@cyclebrarian
Oh don’t get me started ranting at this early hour . . . had a person visit my place of work last December. She bent over. I really didn’t want to see what I saw. Really? Jeans that fit too much to ask? Folks who think their personal “dress code” is fine and dandy for all occasions. Actually, it’s not, I hate to tell you. I’ve been to funerals where folks seems to take a break from yard work to attend without changing. Mind you, I live in WI where a recent funeral notice encouraged all attendees to wear Packer gear. “sigh”
Whenever I teach a college/university course I tell the students on the first day, along with passing out the syllabus, that pajamas, pajama pants, slippers, or house shoes will not be tolerated in the classroom.
I see people going around town all the fucking time in slippers. Damnit. And these aren’t old folks who’ve slipped security at the retirement center.