The Mirror
Have you ever been told to take a good look at yourself? Usually it infers that you need to smarten up your ideas, get your shit together, shape up or ship out. If Viagra eyedrops had an advertising campaign, (or indeed existed), their tagline would be: “Take a long, hard look at yourself.”
Most Cyclists need to take a long hard look at themselves. Ourselves. We could do a lot better in the public relations sphere if we took more care to use our playgrounds, ie the roads, as road users rather than pseudo-racers. And we need to take a long, hard look at ourselves every time we kit up and head out the door for a ride. Because what you see in the mirror is what others see also, and we should present ourselves as smart, tidy and sensible, rather than walking fluoro billboards or wannabe Pros.
The mirror is one of the most overlooked pieces of a Cyclist’s kit, and one that needs to be looked into a whole lot more than I suspect it is, going by the rolling messes I see out on the roads on every ride. Of course I’m not endorsing a Rule #66 violation, no sir. Offensive attire isn’t exclusive to the slovenly who go shopping in their tracky pants and Crocs, or the mostly smartly-dressed professionals who top off their neat-pressed pants or skirts with a fucking sleeping bag. You’re not George Costanza, so don’t bother.
It shouldn’t be necessary to tell you how to dress for the ride; you should know that yourself. That’s why The Rules were forged; to educate, yet sometimes to berate is necessary. If you are too clueless to put a helmet on your head level, to wear clean and matching kit, or to buy a pair of socks that don’t expose your fucking ankles, you’re either a hopelessly sloppy individual or a completely lost cause. These are the type of people who go out to dinner with their partner or take long haul flights while wearing rolled-up denim shorts, boat shoes and a t-shirt. Even if you have such little respect for yourself, you, as a member of society, should at least show some for those who have to encounter you.
Let’s smarten things up people. I know for the main part I’m preaching to the converted here, but it’s our duty to spread the knowledge and help ourselves by helping others within our ranks. It’s easy. Pick and choose kit carefully, pre-plan well in advance so you don’t end up just throwing whatever isn’t dirty on, and make sure it’s all adjusted properly. And if you’re in with a show of winning a Monument, straighten up that goddamn helmet!
Lounge pants? What is the Mercan definition of these please? Is it what we would call track-suit pants or trackie bottoms?
No need for pictures, we can do this by words I hope.
In the UK a number of schools have recently had to send notes to parents asking them not to drop off children wearing pyjamas, dressing gowns and other sleepwear. In my view this serves a higher purpose by identifying people you just want nothing to do with.
@Marko
This is all true but where do the keepers stand on the use of graveurs/cross bikes on rides that stick to paved surfaces and pave? Especially when ridden by someone who should no better having ridden their road bikes across the pave of northern France and the kassien of Flanders.
Mark Rickshaw straightened his helmet during the sprint and paid a high price for maintaining his Look Fantastic.
@ChrisO Pajamas were also banned from Tescos a couple of years ago.
I blame Minion, Marcus and their ilk for the introduction of Ugg boots. It all went downhill from there.
@wiscot
I’m as big a Packer fan as anyone, but I refuse to wear Packers gear year-round. It is reserved for Sunday afternoons between September and January/February.
@ChrisO
So herein lies a quandary, cos you’ve just suggested that all of us who ride in V Kit are douches. But I’m fairly confident that’s not quite what you were getting at, I hope.
@Chris
Probably best to err on the side of all that’s good and decent here, so no. Not sure how much we’ve talked about this. You know as well as I do that regular road bikes are the way to go on the stones. I could see riding a cross rig on a muddy version of Roubaix though I suppose, can’t you? But not these dusty ones.
@Ron
There aren’t enough +1 badges to go around. I will, and have, soundly berated students during class for this. Of course when I did, they all showed up the next time wearing their pajamas. I love my stoodents.
@Marko
I can certainly see the point of a cross big on a muddy Roubaix but I’m not sure it’d be right and might best be left as something the Pros do like frame pumps and EPMSs.
I know that if I do a muddy Roubaix it’ll be on a road bike on Vittoria Paves or FMB Roubaixs. Because that is the way it was done.
@wiscot
I know, I know. It’s unreal. I remember when my gf graduated from college. Her Dad (who’s a biker and I do like) and brother both wore jeans – the latter finishing it off with a visor. Ugh. I wore a suit. I’m sure they both think I’m snobby or what ever, but it’s not about that – it’s about how I present myself to the world (I do the same thing when I write something, speak, and also ride my bike). I realize that her Dad and brother are ‘blue collar’ guys, but so was my Dad who would NEVER show up to formal events (weddings, funerals, graduations, etc.) in anything but a suit. Oh, and then there are men (even professionals) who don’t wear an undershirt under their dress shirt…another one of my pet peeves. My mother would KILL me with her bare hands if I ever tried to get away with that!
Well obviously someone figured out the +1 badge, and again I am honored. I love that photo (shot by Frank, and that’s me on the right) and I can’t stop thinking about that wonderful day.
I’ve just noticed the rider second in line behind @ChrissyOne, adjusting his Oakley’s for the photo. Good job you didn’t feather your brakes Chrissy.
@cyclebrarian You were doing so well until you got to the bit about your mum still making you wear an underhsirt under your dress shirt. Does she still iron your underwear?
My grandad was a bricklayer
@Mike_P
Indeed not, but I don’t think (and certainly didn’t intend) that V kit falls in either of those camps .
By perfectly matched expensive kit I mean the rider who is in a complete Assos system designed for whatever micro-climate is forecast that day or a head to toe Rapha-Paul Smith limited edition collabo.
And I deliberately mentioned pro-team kit, not team kit which is how I would classify the V kit.
Carry on as you were…
@Mike_P
I know it’s difficult to tell, as we’re all looking so casually deliberate, but we’re moving along at a healthy clip here – a good 30 kmh at least. Panic braking would have been certain disaster.
@Ron
Where’s Professor Steampunk’s opinion on this? I suspect it’s the same. A few years ago I was at the Art Institute of Chicago in February. It was insanely cold with the wind chill being dangerous. A woman at the AIC was wearing strappy summer-type sandal shoes. Really? You thought “Hey, it’s only 1 degree and the wind chill is -15, I’d better wear something substantial instead of flipflops cos it’s cold out there.” I guess what pisses me off is that the innate stupidity of these people often requires sensible ones to have to go out of their way to save the dumbasses from the error of their ways.
@Mike_P
I know it’s difficult to tell, as we’re all looking so casually deliberate, but we’re moving along at a healthy clip here – a good 30 kmh at least. Panic braking would have meant certain disaster.
@Chris
Not sure what happened there…
my granddad was a bricklayer and he always wore a tweed jacket to work.
@ChrisO
Goddamn, a lot of wisdom right here! Yep, the more everything is in order, the easier it is to find that tranquilness. Exactly!
I like bowties but I am holding out on wearing one until I finish my degree. Then, anchors away! Also, I taught around 40 dudes on my uni sports team how to properly tie a necktie. Most of those bastards would tie it once, very poorly, and then just do the loosen/retighten waltz the rest of the season. That pissed me off. I also told some fuckers that dress shirts, neckties and a blazer are not complimented, but ruined, but cargo pants. I can’t even imagine thinking it would be a good idea to put cargo pants on with a tie.
@Ron Cargo pants? Don’t get me started on those!I had to wear a tie in 1st grade. I was 4 years old. I learned how to tie it back then. And the guys who wear cargo pants with a jacket and tie? The jacket is at least a couple of sizes too big as is the collar of the shirt. I’ve had to keep my mouth shut in stores as I see a wife/girlfriend give “sizing advice” to her man. “Oh yes dear, the cuff of the jacket should extend past your knuckles when your arms are straight so that it pulls back when you bend your arm. Yes, a 46″ jacket is just right for your 5′ 6″155lb frame.” Maybe some people should stick to sweats . . .
@Chris
Ha! I meant to put ‘when I was a kid’ on the end of that sentence. It’s funny when I go to fancy events with my gf and people ask if she picked what I’m wearing out…she just says ‘ummmm…no…he dresses himself.’ I feel like saying ‘I’m a grown ass man!’
@wiscot
Yeah, I’ve seen the cargo pants/jacket and tie – not a good look. Next will be lounge pants/shirt and tie.
@ChrisO PHEW!
@cyclebrarian
Does a mesh base layer count? I try to make all the stuff I get I be as multifunctional as possible.
@andrew
Perchance are you talking about a string vest?
Absolutely, but you have to imagine it on a 1.89m, 68kg frame to do me justice. Kind of the opposite of this:
But under a dress shirt?!
@andrew
Fantastic. I’m sure there’s a Rule about that, Andrew.
@andrew It rapidly starts to lean towards the law of diminishing returns…..
@Rules Be Damned
Well, Niki managed to keep it straight, and he FUCKING KILLED IT the last 6K last Sunday.
@ChrissyOne
If you’d been there, you would’ve decided that with this group there was nothing problematic being done in that photo. The guy behind Chrissy had fantastic bike handling skills, and Chrissy wasn’t about to do anything squirrelly. It was a Good Ride.
Jesus Hilarious Christ. Who is being “earnest” in all these (brief) exchanges about the rules?
Oh, right. The people who aren’t paying enough attention to fucking get it or who are missing whatever lobe in the brain it is that handles the irony and humor functions.
@scaler911
Those gloves… I’ve been wearing dem’ straight palm time-trial’n gloves simply because there is no closure at the wrist and no padding. Those gloves allow my to feel the road — all of it. And they look subtly refined.
@andrew
He doesn’t wear that under — that is his shirt.
@wiscot
And the problem is?
@sthilzy
This is a rider (whether he really exists or not) from the 2012 ASHEVILLE, NORTH CAROLINA MINI-COGAL. Apparently this kit also killed the link to the archived article.
@unversio
What helmet? What gloves? All I see is Belgian Toothpaste.
@Nate I was thinking the same thing. I LOVED watching him flog it in full TT mode to the finish. I like to imagine his thought process was something like
[quick glance behind at the gap]
No…
[settling in to the V-locus for the next few minutes]
Fucking…
[hard right into the velodrome]
Way!
@ChrisO
Better give me a ruling on my Rapha get up then if that’s how we are playing this game – refer earlier pic for your critique
@PeakInTwoYears
True words. It was my first group road ride, but I have plenty of experience riding close quarters and exponentially faster on the moto corse. The whole group exhibited top notch skills from the start. After that first section of trail, it was obvious to me that no one was going to do anything stupid or twitchy. Lines were held and communication was clear.
If I could just get you guys to descend faster…
@unversio
Ok, unless this was taken on the way to a costume party or was the result of a lost bet, it gets filed under “Fuck no.” There are just too many things wrong here.
If done as a joke: well done sir, well done.
@Ccos It’s the real deal!
Well Cippo got paid to wear his kit.
It would be great camouflage if he did the whole ride in front of that garage door.
@sthilzy Zebra Guy reminds me of Jerry Lundegaard “Ya darn toot’n!”
maybe its me but does part of that ugly thing on Cippo seem to disappear into the background? Maybe its a stealth suit?
@sthilzy Good fucking lord. Yes Cippo can get away with it in a certain leve (he got fined for that discretion, no?) But the word douche now has a new picture in the dictionary. Sad to see one of my brethren stricken with such an affliction.
@ChrissyOne
Okay, Chrissy, you keep dinning that note and you’ll have to join us for the next V-to-V. If rumor is true, it’ll involve Timberline Road, above Government Camp on Mt. Hood. I did better than 100km/hr on that back in the day. And I was a lot lighter then.
@wiscot The absurd head wear was relevant to the topic but I guess some would say Rebellin as a podium accessory is equally unwelcome. If I’m honest, I only stumbled upon this pic as I was watching De Brabantse Pijl and during the pre-race segment they showed Rebellin and I had no idea he was still racing, I did a little searching about him and lo and behold this god awful podium display.
Anyone else hate the yellow Cofidis helmets?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Ba7bzkQNN1k
@VirenqueForever
them, and the stupid yellow helmet thing the Tour does for the leaders of the team classification…
@Teocalli In my mind it’s so much more like