Categories: FFS Friday

FFS Fridays: Sideburn Doping

Tragic reports of endemic sideburn doping in the 70's

They say hindsight is twenty-twenty; it is only with the knowledge gained through experience that we are able to reframe the past in its proper context. Bike racing in the 2000’s will forever be known as the blood-transfusion era, the 90’s the EPO era, and the 80’s that of steroids and amphetamine.

Hopefully we don’t let this tarnish our experiences and jade us for the opportunity to spectate a clean sport.

But one fact has become tragically obvious with the recent emergence of lumberjack hipsters is that sideburn doping was rampant in the 70’s. Omerta appears to be alive and well; the stars of the era are suspiciously tight-lipped about whose ‘chops were natural and whose were follically enhanced. The Prophet Eddy Merckx and the Gypsy Roger de Vlaeminck were unavailable for comment.

Perhaps we will never know.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Powerstrokin says:

Sep 29 2016 at 9:22 am

That photo of Elvis - has there ever been a more 'casually deliberate' picture taken of any cyclist? Me thinks not.
fatmerckx says:

Oct 19 2016 at 9:30 am

@Rick

As a dermatologist as well as a bona fide acolyte of the Prophet, I can tell you that 5% topical minoxidil solution will grow sideburns on a billiard ball. But the billiard ball would need a TUE.