Categories: FFS Friday

FFS Fridays: Sideburn Doping

Tragic reports of endemic sideburn doping in the 70's

They say hindsight is twenty-twenty; it is only with the knowledge gained through experience that we are able to reframe the past in its proper context. Bike racing in the 2000’s will forever be known as the blood-transfusion era, the 90’s the EPO era, and the 80’s that of steroids and amphetamine.

Hopefully we don’t let this tarnish our experiences and jade us for the opportunity to spectate a clean sport.

But one fact has become tragically obvious with the recent emergence of lumberjack hipsters is that sideburn doping was rampant in the 70’s. Omerta appears to be alive and well; the stars of the era are suspiciously tight-lipped about whose ‘chops were natural and whose were follically enhanced. The Prophet Eddy Merckx and the Gypsy Roger de Vlaeminck were unavailable for comment.

Perhaps we will never know.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

markpa says:

Sep 25 2016 at 9:06 pm

I was going to say doesn't the Badger just nail all three - has his own PR stall, throws in some cross and looking fast.
However can't find any evidence of burn doping.
But once I saw this image I had to use it.
RobSandy says:

Sep 26 2016 at 1:27 am

@markpa

I was going to say doesn’t the Badger just nail all three – has his own PR stall, throws in some cross and looking fast.
However can’t find any evidence of burn doping.
But once I saw this image I had to use it.

Another one for the shrine! What a guy.

"If I have two arms, and two legs, it will be very difficult for them to beat me."
wiscot says:

Sep 26 2016 at 9:21 am

@RobSandy

@markpa

I was going to say doesn’t the Badger just nail all three – has his own PR stall, throws in some cross and looking fast.
However can’t find any evidence of burn doping.
But once I saw this image I had to use it.

Another one for the shrine! What a guy.

“If I have two arms, and two legs, it will be very difficult for them to beat me.”

We just won't see the likes of Hinault again, will we? There's just no rider around these days willing and able to ride everything from March to October - and win a lot of it. It wasn't just ability, it was determination and supreme self-confidence. I remember reading something, somewhere about the 84 Lombardia. A rider saw Hinault before the race and realized that everyone was riding for second. He just radiated such confidence.

I think Pinchy, if he put his mind to it, could win all the Monuments, but he'll never win a GT. Froome could win all three GTs, but never a monument.
Ron says:

Sep 27 2016 at 8:04 am

@Nate

I wish I was capable of such glorious chops. Alas.

Where the heck have you been!!!? Glad to have ya back!

And I'm right there with ya. I can grow hairburns, but nothing close to a sideburn
TBONE says:

Sep 27 2016 at 8:46 am

Can we take a moment to appreciate Jeff Kabush's burns? He may be mostly MTB, but can roll with the best of them on the road.
Teocalli says:

Sep 27 2016 at 10:06 am

Maybe I should have kept my Eroica chops.....,....
litvi says:

Sep 27 2016 at 6:59 pm

@Ron

@Nate

I wish I was capable of such glorious chops. Alas.

Where the heck have you been!!!? Glad to have ya back!

And I’m right there with ya. I can grow hairburns, but nothing close to a sideburn

What the hell is a hairburn? You mean pe'ot like these guys?

Or are you talkin about the famous-yet-elusive moustache combover like this hero over here?
litvi says:

Sep 27 2016 at 7:03 pm

And am I really the first one to think of Wiggo vis-a-vis the burns?

Fer reals?

motherfucker's hot to death right there.
Nate says:

Sep 27 2016 at 8:40 pm

@Ron

@Nate

I wish I was capable of such glorious chops. Alas.

Where the heck have you been!!!? Glad to have ya back!

And I’m right there with ya. I can grow hairburns, but nothing close to a sideburn

I'm still here, it's been a bit of a fallow year for me for cycling due to general life busy-ness but I am getting back in the swing of things. I guess it has been a while if I have fallen all the way to a Cat 4.
The Grande Fondue says:

Sep 29 2016 at 5:36 am

@wiscot

@RobSandy

@markpa

I was going to say doesn’t the Badger just nail all three – has his own PR stall, throws in some cross and looking fast.
However can’t find any evidence of burn doping.
But once I saw this image I had to use it.

Another one for the shrine! What a guy.

“If I have two arms, and two legs, it will be very difficult for them to beat me.”

We just won’t see the likes of Hinault again, will we? There’s just no rider around these days willing and able to ride everything from March to October – and win a lot of it. It wasn’t just ability, it was determination and supreme self-confidence. I remember reading something, somewhere about the 84 Lombardia. A rider saw Hinault before the race and realized that everyone was riding for second. He just radiated such confidence.

I think Pinchy, if he put his mind to it, could win all the Monuments, but he’ll never win a GT. Froome could win all three GTs, but never a monument.

Valverde (hate him or hate him) gives it a fair shot, every year.