As surely as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, if you ride a bicycle you can bet your ass against an apple that you are going to get a flat. Not if, but when. Death and taxes, and all that.

This could be Pierre or Antonio or Jean-Michel, most likely a name that rolls off the tongue with the same ease he rolled his dead tubular from the rim. The strokes of the pump as powerful and smooth as the strokes of his guns, as precise and clean as his socks, skin tanned and polished like the shoes on his feet, tough like the gloves on his hands.

This is an ambassador of Looking Fantastic; he would never contemplate turning his steed upside down, and surely this moment was an instigator of Rule #49. And you know that the shredded tub laying there will soon be wrapped around the shoulders in full Rule #77 compliance prior to resuming to Lay Down The V.

Pierre, Antonio, whatever be your name, we salute you for pioneering the Art of Awesome and being Compliant as Fuck in those tough days of yore.

Brett

Don't blame me

View Comments

  • @Xyverz

    @cw

    @strathlubnaig & @TBONE...
    or a dollar bill or subway card (if you live in a subwayed area) both work very well.

    I've seen instances of sidewall tear where a dollar bill didn't work at all, but a tire boot (self-adhesive) was enough to get the rider back to the car. I've also used them myself after getting a bad screwhole in the tire. Won't go anywhere without at least one anymore.

    These are stonkingly good....the instruction card even has a peelable back and acts as n adhesive tyre boot!  Once the boot has been used i replace it with a parktools one cut in half....voila!

  • @Xyverz

    @cw

    @strathlubnaig & @TBONE...
    or a dollar bill or subway card (if you live in a subwayed area) both work very well.

    I've seen instances of sidewall tear where a dollar bill didn't work at all, but a tire boot (self-adhesive) was enough to get the rider back to the car. I've also used them myself after getting a bad screwhole in the tire. Won't go anywhere without at least one anymore.

    The US Dollar is not what it once was.........

  • @TBONE

    @VeloVita

    @Gianni

    @cw

    @strathlubnaig & @TBONE...
    or a dollar bill or subway card (if you live in a subwayed area) both work very well.

    or a section of old side-wall from binned tyre. I've never used them, someone smarter than I thought of that. Folded up currency works well.

    So does a cut up strip from a tyvek mailing envelope or a mylar candy bar wrapper.

    @Gianni

    His sock height is defining the upper limit of acceptability, and looking awesome as he does it.

    I think the fact that his short length is also on the upper limit of acceptability helps with the awesomeness.

    Blow out/Gash liners come wrapped around every delicious Meli Waffle. Why would you buy any other kind?

  • After moving to Belgium, I was informed that a mini-pump is considered superior to CO2 on the basis that if one is serious about one's ride, then one needs a way to maintain a high heart rate while changing a flat. Of course that was translated roughly from Vlaams to English by a third party(I am only just yet learning the mother-tongue). It was a rough translation to my understanding, but I was told it was "close enough" by a smirking hardman in the rain.

  • Perhaps not quite suitable for AOP this is an absolute gem. One can only hope that it will find its way to #PeterSagan as an example of how to please the press, the tifosi and the podium girl without demeaning anyone.

  • @Deakus

    in winter co2 is a godsend simply for speed of getting back on the bike and riding. It is not a hardman who stands in freezing rain pump in hand......it is a man who wished he had a faster alternative. Htfu applies to deploying your guns....not luddite foolishness.

    ...and you're out riding your bike rather than driving in a heated car, because why?

    I'm a convert to the pump. Of course, shoes should be black and socks white, too.

  • @Teocalli

    @Xyverz

    @cw

    @strathlubnaig & @TBONE...
    or a dollar bill or subway card (if you live in a subwayed area) both work very well.

    I've seen instances of sidewall tear where a dollar bill didn't work at all, but a tire boot (self-adhesive) was enough to get the rider back to the car. I've also used them myself after getting a bad screwhole in the tire. Won't go anywhere without at least one anymore.

    The US Dollar is not what it once was.........

    Sadly, this is true. I was told that to do the work that $1 USD did back in "the day" you have to at least use a $20 bill now. ;-)

  • @TBONE I think to use CO2 bottles is soft.  A good pump (I like Lezyne and quality, useability and style) is far more practical.  When your mate, who lacks V has his second puncture and has no more CO2, what will you charge for the use of your pump?  1 coffee or 2?

  • Sorry, tipped over the edge into homoeroticism and weird OCDness. I've earned my living by swinging a sledge hammer for eight hours. When you've done the "it hurts but it's paying the rent equation" this kind of bollocks really is not acceptable... Tears, use the sandpaper out of your puncture repair kit and when it fails carry the fucker home... Jesus wept....

1 3 4 5 6 7 12
Share
Published by
Brett

Recent Posts

Anatomy of a Photo: Sock & Shoe Game

I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Men’s World Championship Road Race 2017

Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Women’s World Championship Road Race 2017

The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Vuelta a España 2017

Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Clasica Ciclista San Sebastian 2017

This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…

7 years ago

Route Finding

I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…

7 years ago