Along the lines of what Bruce Dickinson famously decreed while espousing the medical benefits of cowbell in the remedy of rare types of influenza, I put my shoes on one at a time – just like you. But after I’ve got my shoes on, I ooze fluidly harmonic articulation.
As Cyclists, we wield the mighty power of The V, yet lay victim to the nagging whispers of Doubt, from which the Anti-V draws its strength. We train our bodies, keep our machines in perfect order, and maintain a variety of kit for every type of weather, only to waver as this poison bleeds into our minds. We counter by seeking to control the uncontrollable through a strict adherence to ritual prior to and following each of our rides.
The ritual surrounding the ride is unique to each of us, and evolves over time, and perpetuates those actions which yielded better-then-usual rides. For instance, despite being right-handed, I slip into my shoes left first, and moving through a systematic process of buckling them up prior to each bike. I sit down on the front steps, pause for a moment to draw in a breath, slip out of my Adilettes, and slip into my shoes.
I start by arranging the tongue of first the left shoe, then the right. Then I secure the front velcro strap on the left before moving to do the same on the right. Once I’m satisfied that both straps are of precisely equal tension, I will move to tighten the left buckle, then the right until similarly satisfied of tension equality. Changing this process in any way, I’m convinced, would yield utter chaos.
Ritual goes far beyond how we put our shoes on; it reaches into the maintenance of our machines as well as their preparation for a ride as well as preparation of bidons and our kit. Bits of my ritual change based on whether I am riding from home or some other location, whether the ride is a big one or just a daily jaunt, or whether it is a formal event for which I have prepared carefully. Other things, however, remain fixed.
I always inflate the rear tire first, never the front. I’ll pull on the front and rear brakes to make sure the cables didn’t fall out overnight, and run through all the gears – listening for silence – even though I’ll have tuned it after arriving home last time if any tuning was required. When I pull on my kit, bibs go on first, socks second, under-vest third. Only at this point do I consider other elements such as whether I’m wearing arm and/or knee warmers, or which jersey to put on. Lastly, I’ll carefully inspect my toolkit prior to tucking it into my middle rear pocket.
I suppose that at the center of this lies a simple belief: in a world wherein much lies out of my control, I represent but a simple cell of a larger organism. I cannot say what influence these actions have, but if the past is any indication of the future, these actions have helped keep me happily pedaling my bike. To stop would be to tempt Fate itself.
Therefor, I wrap myself in ritual to control the uncontrollable. Vive la Vie Velominatus.
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I'm glad I read this post. It's made me realize that, while I am a manic OCD freak, I'm not in it alone!
Evertyhing has to be arranged the night before. It's in its proper place.
@Dan_R
WHAT?? Insanity. Center pocket: pump on the right, tube/levers/patch kit in a baggie on the left, mini tool in the bottom, phone in a baggie behind the tube.
Always. If its any different, I'll be completely obsessed about it.
@Oli
*ahem*
Actually have been diagnosed with this. Its not bad, though. I can stop any time. I just don't want to.
Holy OCD Batman. Strack is a twisted up Dutch Monkey but it's gotten him this far and he really doesn't have a choice in the matter, he was born that way. He probably did the same thing with his cross country ski racing prep. And his first grade school outfit.
I am the anti-Strack. I'm organized but have no set routine, I don't think. I like @Chris's sentiment.
But I have learned over the years that I suck at thinking before these pre-dawn attacks. If I don't get it squared away the night before something might not make it.
@wiscot
Great point and absolutely agree. Having a process in place makes sure you don't just zombie through and leave with your front skewer loose!
@zeitzmar
Beautiful - absolutely beautiful. Shoes and pedals make a huge difference, but the enjoyment of the ride is central to yourself, so only upgrade if you've got the cash and feel like it.
That is a beautiful machine; part of me would want to see it keep the toe clips!
@graham d.m.
That's not necessarily an indication that you don't have a ritual...she just might not care enough to notice.
@eightzero
Brilliant.
@G'phant
Does anyone call you Mr. Needlessly Censors himself? Since when do we give a fuck about profanity around here? How else are we supposed to show our intelectual strength?
@ChrisO
There are three things here - process, ritual, and superstition. Process has to do with organization, ritual has to do with attaching more significance to the influence the process has on (relatively) unrelated events, and superstition means you are crazy.
I use all three of them liberally.
@Deakus
I dismount to the left (unclip on the right first). Which made the transition to CX easy.
The first rule of OCD is you deny you are OCD and call it organization.
@frank "I always inflate the rear tire first, never the front"
Cracked me up. I'm a front first, never rear, but didn't realize that aspect until now.
Yup - I've got OCD too - although it doesn't make me tidy around the house.
Here's a thing though - we're infested with House Elves.
Do you ever need to get ready for a ride at V Past The Hour get all your kit together, put it on in the correct order and just so (I always fill my bidons and leave them right in front of the door I'm about to go out so that I can't forget them - or if I do I'll break an ankle to remind me the next time) and then discover that the House Elves have got your arm warmers/the socks that go with your jersey/your black cap?
Do you then spend an hour sweating, swearing and shouting at people until you work out that the Elves wrapped the missing item carefully in your underpants and hid them in your pants drawer next to the CO2 cartouches that you have to buy every time you can't find one?
What I want to know @Frank is how you eradicate (or possibly educate) the little bastards so that your kit is always exactly where it should be?
@roadslave525
Ha! If you recall I've never ridden them as they didn't work for me. The other Keepers are all about them, though, and absolutely love them.
They are, quite simply, the most beautiful shoes anywhere, but when they don't work, they don't work...and in the end we always have to seek out the best products for each of us individually.
@frank
And they don't char as well as Bonts...