Categories: General

Breaking the Rules: Thumb-Hard; Finger-Easy

The Rules are a living thing; a set of truths that have been captured but which do not represent a comprehensive record.  They speak to whole larger than any of us and thus will never be complete. Indeed, we will always need to read between the lines of – to feel – The Rules in our pursuit of them.

Take, for example, Rule #57: No stickers.  Simple, logical. Obviously, this is aimed at stickers applied after-market by a consumer attempting to self-identify with a group of some kind.  Frame decals and safety stickers applied by the manufacturer are obviously not in violation, while, on the other hand, if one were to put a label on your handlebars that reminded you how what the various levers do when shifting, that probably falls into the “Maybe Not” category and should never need to be recorded in the Canon.

When plodding around town, my eye always seeks out bicycles and I make quick, almost subconscious assessments of how compliant the various bikes are with The Rules.  When I find sufficiently egregious violations, I generally snap a picture of it, just in case I need it in the future for court hearings and such.

This particular violation was seen while a Velominati Scouting Team (consisting of Jim, John, myself and various friends and family) were out doing a test-ride of equipment prior to our Big Ride on Saturday.  I took these photos for the bike’s violation of Rule #44 Rule #45, Rule #48, Rule #49, Rule #57, and Rule #61. Surprisingly, there was adherence to one of the more subtle Rules, Rule #40, but I’m guessing that was by some sort of freak accident, since the owner of this bike can not possibly have been attuned to it.

Upon closer inspection of the handlebars lurked a perfect example of why The Rules will never be a comprehensive Study Guide to cycling’s canon of etiquette, for this violation should never need to be explicitly documented within it’s texts, a Velominatus should “feel” it:

These particular stickers prod at the psychology of the bike’s owner: Thumb Hard, Finger Easy. (There might also be a moral lesson hidden within the meaning of those stickers, but I’m not smart enough to grasp it.)  I’m almost impressed by the fact that both stickers have it right despite the insistence of those damn Italian developers of the Campy Ergo levers to make both levers work the opposite way.  I can only imagine how many iterations it took to get the labels right.  Further, the bold, white font does nothing to the label’s subtlety; this is the work of an individual making a public declaration of their inability to absorb the workings of a simple mechanical device.

The only explanation I can come up with is that this bike belongs to a compulsive labeler; I can only imagine what other stickers this person has surrounded himself with to clarify the obvious.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @brett
    Thank you, Brettt, for not including bells on the two bikes I have bought from you in the last three years. Probably almost makes us even on the whole frame-mounted pump and mirror thing ...

  • @Geof A rule against bar-mounted bells?!? That would be like a rule against strapping a bento box on your frame. If it's come to that, there's no hope. Chaos will reign.

    I actually had a bell on my bike, for use on the big bike trail where I'm from. For those who looked like they knew what they were doing and were holding their line, I'd ring it just a bit and quickly, once. For Freds, I'd ring it twice, fairly loudly. For those weaving all over like drunks, I'd ring it frantically for about 5 to 10 seconds. What I found was that for those who knew what they were doing it was not necessary; for those who did not, they had no idea where I was or where I would pass and would often turn into me. I took it off.

    Now I say nothing at all when I pass, on the left, on the right, in the dirt, wherever, and at 30 kmph or 50 kmph. Only twice a year, on average, does this result in confrontation. There are many, it seems, who believe that one of the highest rules of etiquette in cycling is to say, "On your left" when you pass. Some of them get hotly pissed if you do not and will start swearing at you. Sometimes I slow down. I've been in long, drawn out arguments, lasting 5 miles or more, with such folks.

  • Geof :

    @brett
    Thank you, Brettt, for not including bells on the two bikes I have bought from you in the last three years. Probably almost makes us even on the whole frame-mounted pump and mirror thing ...

    No, it doesn't! Not even fucking close!

  • @david Too true about the "on your left". There should be something like an air horn for the stupid and they are all pretty much stupid on bike paths. A universal sound like the one that will be needed when electric cars inhabit the world would be great. Like the old cards in the spokes when we were kids or hey what about a recording of a loud motor like a Harley??

    @brett Image please?

    I run a bell on my commuter and it is very handy in crowded places - I especially like it when I am in the NYC intersection last, all the cars have gone through and I am going like a bat out of hell but the wave of peds starts to close because (if they look at all) I am just a bike so they feel they can walk in front of me - the bell reminds them to look and when they realize that I am not going to stop and it might hurt to get pasted by a bike going fast... by the way this is with the light still green.

  • @all
    All this talk about reflectors and bells gave me nightmares last night, you assholes. I dreamt I had reflectors in my Zipps and I couldn't take them out! HORROR!

  • brett :I also run a bell on my commuter bike, it's much better to give a ding-a-ling when coming up behind them in Mt Vic tunnel than yelling out "rider" 6 times and have them spin around startled and fall into you path. Maybe if they had mirrors this wouldn't happen...

    Oh, Jesus, no! I'm not about to advocate that we should have a rule about bells, but you want just a small bell with hammer that goes "ping." None of this "ding-a-ling" or "brrring" bullshit. Your bell should only offer one quick and not-too-annoying syllable.

    @frank
    I thought all Cervelos came with bells, reflectors, and saddle bags.

  • Even though I bike commute nearly daily - no reflectors or bell for me - just can't do it. Never gonna happen. I do mount up a blinking light on the seatpost for winter use though.

    Most of my commute is on the Burke-Gilman Trail, a very used trail - cyclists, runners, walkers, skaters, etc. I do get sick of saying "On your left" a few zillion times a week, and I see people actually react better when they hear a bike bell - strange as that may seem.

    This guy I commute with often seems to have the best solution. He says "Ding Ding" as we come on people - like a human bike bell. Some people smile or laugh, then get out of the way.

  • Dan O :This guy I commute with often seems to have the best solution. He says "Ding Ding" as we come on people - like a human bike bell. Some people smile or laugh, then get out of the way.

    Ha! When he was quite little, my son would bellow "HONK!" on our local rail trail. I always thought that was kind of funny.

  • @Dan O When I stop and argue with those who get upset when I don't say "On your left", the point that most cools them down is this. "Put yourself in my position. I'm going to be out here for two or three hours and I'll pass 50 people. Saying "on your left" all day is tiring and distracting." It works, sometimes.

Share
Published by
frank

Recent Posts

Anatomy of a Photo: Sock & Shoe Game

I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Men’s World Championship Road Race 2017

Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Women’s World Championship Road Race 2017

The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Vuelta a España 2017

Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Clasica Ciclista San Sebastian 2017

This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…

7 years ago

Route Finding

I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…

7 years ago