This is what tired feels like.
Before I make this about me, as I always do, I want to give credit to Roberto Ballini, who is pictured here sunning himself against nothing less morbid than a gravestone during the 1971 Tour de France, presumably in protest to how much of a shitshow The Prophet was making of the race.
But let’s be honest: being tired is the best part of Cycling. To begin with, going for a ride and not coming back at least a little bit tired is entirely unrewarding, unless you happen to be a Recovery Ride Specialist. I do enjoy a recovery ride and the satisfaction of coming home feeling light and loose and not at all tired, but anything representing a real ride needs to leave something behind in the body, something tangible that reminds us of the work we put in. It doesn’t have to be devastating by any means, but we should feel the ride somewhere in our being.
I struggle with depression a bit. I’m an introvert in an extroverted world who writes publicly (here, in Cyclist, and now also for Rouleur) about his love for Cycling. The shock for me is that Cycling and writing are my greatest passions, and they have miraculously come together to lay the foundation for this incredible worldwide community in the Cycling world – something I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams.
The irony is that when either the writing or the Cycling doesn’t come, I start to come apart at the seams. When they fall apart, I fall apart as well.
I suppose I’ve been an athlete and an artist my whole life, but it takes some time for you to find your specific medium in both these areas. It may well be a “calling”, but life can throw its voice like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I found Cycling by way of Nordic Skiing, and I found writing by way of Cycling. Which is another way of saying I have been using Cycling to aide my ills much longer than I have been using Writing to do so.
I don’t know much about fixing Writers Block, but I have learned a thing or two about using the bike to fix almost anything else: Sometimes you just have to ride until you can’t ride anymore. Run it until the mind has nothing left to think about but getting home. When I had been off the bike (Holidays?) and stopped writing (Holidays?), I fell back into that familiar darkness (Holidays?). So after (too many days) I realized what I needed to do: get on the bike and pedal. So I did. I rode through a terrible cold I didn’t expect; the kind of cold that freezes your fingers and toes to the point you don’t feel them properly for weeks.
It worked. I felt alive again. Facing the prospect of riding home through those conditions reminded me that I could face anything. Getting home reminded me that I can not only face but conquer anything. It didn’t cure me of my dragons, they will be back, but it turned the tide on the emotional experience I was having and that is one of the things Cycling has come to mean for me over the years.
Every day when I go out on my bike, I risk my life. But I risk more by not going out on my bike. The bike has saved my life so many times that I’m forever in its debt.
Vive la Vie Velominatus.
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A brilliant article @frank and perfect for the new year. A chest infection has had me off the bike (and out of the pool) for 3 weeks now and enough is enough. I am not only reminded of Rule #5 but also the only cure for this funk is to get out and work the guns. Thanks.
Thank you Frank. Your article brings some colour to the sometimes grey dance with Life's ventriloquism, the black dog companion and stifled creativity. My bike time is my reset button, my stable ground, purity and truth.
The season of nasty colds and shitty weather can leave you hanging on the chinstrap of your helmet.
Managed my first ride of 2017 on Tuesday night. It gets really dark out here in the wilderness and an hour and a half in your little bubble of light is like meditation - although in meditation you don't usually get covered in shit.
I'm going to drone on about the TCR again (like @BuckRogers I can make it all about me at the drop of a hat) but if it hadn't been for this site I can't imagine that I'd even be aware of its existence let alone considered entering it as I would likely have settled into depressed medicated sedentry middle age some time ago.
Having @frank explain on the cobbles that I was a fat cunt and should do something about it clearly had an effect.
Sorry to hear you've been struggling, Frank, but glad to hear you're working your way through things partially thanks to this wonderful machine we are all so passionate about. Keep it rolling, bro.
However - there had to be a however, innit? - I'd like to second @Teocalli's assessment that this is not a gravestone at all but a town marker on Stage 7 of the '71 Tour, but only because I'm pissed off that he got to point it out first.
Frank - I've been there. There was a time when my whole life was playing and singing in a band; the band started to break up and I lost my voice. All of a sudden I had nothing.
We're lucky, however, being cyclists.
Unless there's a major mishap we generally have at least one bike available, and on the road, rollers or turbo a means to get on the thing and pedal.
We don't need to rely on anyone else when we ride (although sometimes it's nice to), and although of course there are The Rules about how we should ride, there are no rules to say where we should go, or for how long, or for how far. Even the simplest ride around the park can become the profoundest expression of freedom.
Since I've been cycling I wonder often what on earth I used to do before.
Life comes in waves. Good, Bad, Highs and Lows. Helps to have some bedrock below it all to stand on I suppose. Family and Community is certainly a bedrock. Cycling and everything it involves is another. Combine Cycling, Family and Community ? Well, that's some damn solid bedrock so to speak. Sure glad to be part of the community. And thanks @frank for building a foundation for this little community. Cheers all
Frank - Sorry to hear you've been in a bit of a funk. I know you'll snap out of it. And I know the bike will help do that.
When I was young(er) and racing and running a (local) team, I used to say/think, "Cycling is life." The rest of the saying was, "The rest is just details." But it really isn't. Rather, cycling is a metaphor for life. And it can be a big (and important) part of our life for those of us who are Velominati. But it's not (or shouldn't be) our whole life.
Ride to live. Live to ride. But live life ... on and off the bike.
Nice one, Frank! Keep on rolling. I'm the same way - when I stop moving and reading and writing and being active, I start to overthink things and get frustrated and depressed. My year has been off to a very up-and-down start - sick young child, snowstorm that shut down the city for four days, not enough riding, the extremely negative energy of a dissertation advisor, and a lack of energy. I've caved in to being lazy of late, and it's a terrible cycle for me. I skip a rollers ride and instead of feeling better for saving energy, I feel worse both physically and mentally.
Today I'm snapping out of that rut. There is no reason not to AND there is no reason 2017 can't be my most successful year to date.
Best of luck to everyone swimming against the tide right now. I hope things improve for ya!
@RobSandy
I've shared it before, but I was in a similar position. I played ball sports from a very young age, including through college at the DI varsity level. Then I graduated and suddenly at 22 I'd lived my biggest dream and felt completely lost and disoriented. I had a full life, but that sport was the center of everything. I was living abroad and needed to occupy my mental space and creative side. I decided to write a memoir of my life to date. That was now years ago but a friend I shared it with told me he was just recently reading it and, despite some spots of immaturity, the writing is pretty damn strong. It was great to hear that since I haven't given it any thought of late. I'm glad I put forth the effort to do something creative.
Also, right around this time was when I started commuting to work by bike. Within a few months I was hooked. Now I'm a full-on avid cyclist and cannot imagine life without bicycles or riding them. I honestly have no idea what my life would be like without cycling. No clue.
@chuckp
There's a lot to be said for that. And I find being organised about training helps. That way, when it's not a training day I can just switch off, put cycling from my mind (mostly) and certainly don't worry about whether I've been riding enough or too much. Then the next 'on' day, is new, fresh and you can give it your all.
But I fucking love cycling.