Haleakala, Rematch: Some People Just Don’t Learn
When Icarus flew too close to the sun, it was more than just the heat from the sun that caused his mighty fall; it was also the brilliance of his pride. As I contemplate my next ride up the Haleakala Highway and Crater Road which leads to the summit of Haleakala, I can’t help but wonder if the Road to the Sun together with my own pride won’t carry me too close to the sun as well.
It’s amazing how much of a climb is forgotten despite the fact that every meter is intimately experienced as we turn our pedals slowly up a grade; one gets the impression that each detail is forever burned into our memory. Riding parts of Haleakala in training, I am amazed at how inaccurate my memory of the climb is; sections I thought were short are many kilometers long; sections I thought were easy were in fact steep. Our memories are deeply distorted by our efforts and as such are not to be trusted.
This past Sunday, I did a reconnaissance ride from somewhere around 1,000′ to somewhere around 7,000′. As I rolled onto Crater Road to start the ascent along the shoulder to the crater itself, I was horrified to recognize how low the first switchback was where my body sent a palpable message to my brain to stop moving my legs during my January assault. It was at barely 3,700 feet – about a third of the way up the mountain. By 5,000 feet, I had completed the transition from suffering to death march. At 7,000 feet, with Gianni and my VMH becoming increasingly concerned I would climb in the car at any moment, the only thing keeping the pedals turning (albeit in squares) was the weight of my stubbornness.
The Trade Winds blow strongly on Maui in the summer, and the last thing I find myself craving is a headwind on the lower slopes, where the easier gradient is supposed to allow me to settle into a rhythm and ride into some sort of form. Based on weather reports, we have selected this Thursday, August 11 as the date for Frank vs. The Volcano, Part Deux. I have learned many lessons from both my previous effort and my reconnaissance. The only thing that remains to be done is to apply them, follow the plan, and pray to Merckx that I find good legs.
Last January, I rode the climb in four and a half hours. I hope to accomplish two things this time round: first, enjoy the climb a bit more (or at all) and second, improve on my time.
Venga, Frank. All Velominati are with you.
Happy climbing and best of luck! As you pedal up your monster tomorrow, I’ll be returning to the site of my lone (and woeful) race from last summer. Mine will be on rolling hills and not nearly as fierce, but I’ll spare a thought or two and send best wishes westward. Venga, indeed!
Do it under four hours or don’t bother coming home.
@Gianni
Are you DS’ing again? Looking forward to the video sequel.
I’m sure,
you’ll enjoy the climb and
you’ll improve your time!
Inspiration:
Enjoy the suffering sir…………..
Good luck from the Antipodes, Fella. Given your your claims (and Gianni’s corroboration) that you are fitter, lighter, stronger and somehow younger, I am confident of an improvement on 4:30. I’m picking 3:59:59. Don’t make me have to do an S&P on you.
Spartan …
Come back with your shield …
Or on it.
GL!
Best of luck!
@Cyclops
Ya, that’s not much of a threat. Damn, gotta stay on Maui and try again and again……..that’d be tough.
How about: Do it in under 4 hours, or you will be banished to a barn in Kansas where the only thing to pedal is a Spin Cycle, with no music or other technology to take your mind off how bad it sucks. (No offense to folks with barns and Spin Cycles in Kansas)
For the antipodeans Cadelephant is making nice on Sky News right now. Airport media mugging going on.
Been lurking here for a few weeks now reading your nice site sir. I’ve enjoyed much of the tom foolery that takes place and have been trying to obey “the rules” paying particular attention to Rule #5.
But of all the stories and reports here it was Frank vs. The Volcano part uno that I really enjoyed the most. I almost commented on that post to say outstanding fucking job!
But I’m making my first comment here to wish you the best luck in bettering your time and kicking the volcano’s ass this time around! And if you do do it under 4 hours this time I propose that we change Merckx to just Frank! No disrespect meant to the God of the Cog.
Best of luck,
fasthair
I have invented a saying for situations like this – good luck!
Move sur la plaque!
Go for it Frank! Show that volcano!
Best of luck to you frank. May your breathing be deep, your pedal strokes fluid and your suffering be minimal.
Some other random noteworthy and perhaps inspiring events occuring on the same day in history (courtesy of Wiki)
3114BC – The Mesoamerican Long Count Calendar begins
355BC – Claudius Silvanus proclaims himself emperor against Constantine II
1902 – Alfredo Binda was born – a worthy inspiration to you frank (and some further reverence?). The man trained Coppi and Bartali FFS!
1929 – Babe Ruth became the first to hit 500 home runs
1964 – Shinji Mikami – perhaps a reference to what awaits you on the volcano
2011 – frank v volcano, part deux
Hey frank, it seems I’ve been reading this brilliant site for longer than I think. I remember reading about your first attack on this brute, which you say was in January! I’ve had to bite the bullet and register an account so I can share the hope of a sub 4 hour on this one. Good luck man.
Rule #10.
Good luck© Frank!
@Cyclops @scaler911
Or go sub-4 hours or be banished to Idaho?
My advice: rip off the 39 ring. It’s extra weight you won’t even need. And I’m watching the video closely for those sticky bidons.
@Oli @Xyxax
Snorted out loud at both of these. And then had to explain what I was laughing about. Which was less funny to an outside audience. Which means (@The Oracle) I’m on the couch. Which means, Frank, you better kill it tomorrow, and, Gianni, you better be chain-smoking those Camels.
@Oli
That’s funny.
Consensus is <4hrs bud. No pressure.
Personally, completing it while maintaining a casually deliberate air would rate higher.
Chapeau!
@Netraam
@Steampunk
I do recall Frank’s piece on staying sur la plaque to shorten the suffering…
@frank may you climb like Ben Kingsley
fucktard! was suposed to have a photo of kingsley look alike, il pirata
It worked in the preview…
I dein to use @oli made up phrase – Good Luck. May your tyres be full of helium, the wind not in your face but out your Ar$e, and your drink bottles be sticky. May Butterfly’s not nestle in your spokes, and may you catch no flys. Merckx Speed.
4hrs 4min 4 sec. Bring on the VSP.
@Zoncolan
Yes, there are some things more important than The Clock. Few things, but this is by the Will of Merckx. Strive to appears as His image = Merckx Will be done.
For inspiration:
Galibier – Who Are You? from RAPHA on Vimeo.
@Oli, @RedRanger
Did I mention I invented cycling?
I’ll paint some more “V”‘s on the road for you this afternoon. Just remember, if all else fails, BREATH.
@frank
Your brilliant!
Can’t wait to see the video sequel! Good luck.
@frank
Here’s another formula I derived specifically for you for this climb:
Your time = Fastest time *(1 + 2*pi/10)
Good luck!
Best of luck Frank. Kick that Vulcan’s ass
@Steampunk
Fuck. Idaho has hills and is beautiful (for the most part). Fly fishing after laying down the V? Just don’t send me anywhere flat.
@Frank
I’m banking on you to carve 3/4 of an hour off your time, if not i’m taking ownership of Bike #1 cos you obviously just can’t use it right!!!
@Oli
Just fucking brilliant.
@scaler911
I know, I know. It was more a). a response to Cyclops; and b). somewhere close but abhorrent to Seattlites; maybe I should have said Spokane? (I spent four years in Pullman, WA; I love Idaho””though the state could do with more than four laws).
@Steampunk
Ha! Christ Spokane? I’m so glad the in-laws moved from there. Don’t have to go to that hole anymore!
@Oli
+1
That caused me a neighbor-disrupting belly laugh.
@Oli
What has Gianni put in your bag this time around?
As the DS, I hope he came up with something proper…
@mauibike
Was that you, mate? I had planned to bring you some stensils, but my tiny brain made me forget. Those BREATHE reminders along the road are awesome. Very, very strong work. Do you ride or motor up to do all that work?
@Oli
@Frank
I am honoured to amonst the company of such creative, nay, iconoclsatic contributors to the semiotics of cycling.
Go Frank. I have little doubt that the thinner, faster, younger you is going to prevail over the leviathan.
Either that or the Volcano is going to kick you in the nuts, but ah, erm…
Go Frank!
Should I feel like a dirty sicko for wanting Frank to suffer? the type of relentless desperate suffering that you remember 12 months later with sweaty palms and a lump in your throat?
(shuffles off muttering to ring the bells…)
I gues the suffeirng part is a given. Good luck Fronk, enjoy the ride!
Being perpetually “two weeks away from climbing weight”, I can only imagine the satisfaction you will feel when you summit that beast. Best of luck Frank. Can’t wait to read the post ride post.
My best wishes to a successful climb Frank!
Tom
Let the V flow through you. Trust your rhythm. Use the V, Frank.
@frank
@mauibike Even if you motor up, the only possible answer here is that you ride. Preferably on a unicycle.
I hope you suffer like a dog. Anything less than a spew on the roadside and I will be disappointed.
I hope you take your Garmin Frank ;-)
Seriously… great to read a report and see the video but I’d quite like to see it on screen. As you say, the mind forgets but there’s no arguing with your VAM.
And we can see if you become the first person in history to rate Epic on the Strava Suffer score.
volcano with a small v – show that volcano what proper V is – and don’t forget to chin one or two of the spectators on the way up, now the bar has been raised
3 hrs 59 mins and 615 secs is still under 4 hours in my book…