Categories: General

La Femme Ã Pois

“Becky? Yeah, its Jean-Paul with the Podium Girl Selection Committee. No, I don’t know how I landed this job either, and I’m not about to ask any questions because its a pretty cool job. I’m calling you about the auditions you attended for La Grande Boucle that’s coming up.

“Yes, the good news is you got the job. The bad news is you’ll be presenting the maillot Ã¡ pois.”

[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Maillot a Pois/”/]

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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frank says:

Jul 7 2012 at 4:18 pm

I'm going to say this one more time, I've been away for three days and there are emoticons all over this site. Seriously, stop it. I'll fucking ban you without warning. Including you, @roadslave525 and @936adl. Watch yourselves.
frank says:

Jul 7 2012 at 4:23 pm

@wiscot

Personally, I love the outfits the podium girls wear in the Tour. Sure, les dames des pois get wacky and often awful (outfits in #4 & 7) but I thought the umbrella skirts were brilliant. Let's face it, it's about catching the consumer/TV watcher's eye and product placement. Who wouldn't want to take shelter from a storm under there?

Fair enough, and if I had a clue who was sponsoring The Measles Competition, I'd possibly have more appreciation for the humour implied by the umbrella, but for Merckx's sake, its an international sport and they do a truly awful job of making it clear what the various sponsors are on about.

And thankfully too, because I'd much rather be ignorant and make fun of them than be informed and think its sensible.
frank says:

Jul 7 2012 at 4:29 pm

@mrhallorann

I know how they could improve this category.

All together now!

"She wore annnnn itsy. bitsy. teeny. weeny. red. polka. dot. bikini..."

:)

While I love your sentiment, we are not NASCAR and are not sponsored by Monster Energy Drink. Ours is a civalized sport; we are not animals.

Given the choice between this

Or this

I'll take the Cycling Way any day.
frank says:

Jul 7 2012 at 4:30 pm

@wiscot

Personally, I love the outfits the podium girls wear in the Tour. Sure, les dames des pois get wacky and often awful (outfits in #4 & 7) but I thought the umbrella skirts were brilliant. Let's face it, it's about catching the consumer/TV watcher's eye and product placement. Who wouldn't want to take shelter from a storm under there?

A storm like this? Even our Podium Girls are Rule #9 complaint, taking it with a smile.
frank says:

Jul 7 2012 at 4:35 pm

Strange, a Google search for good examples of Podium Girls has wound up with the most riskÃ© podium girls being at the women's races. Not even the cameraman/woman had a clue what was going on as they clearly couldn't hold on to the camera properly.

At least, I'm assuming the legs of the podium cyclists are women's. They sure look like it, but it could honestly be any number of male cyclists, if I'm being honest.
frank says:

Jul 7 2012 at 4:38 pm

And one last gratuitus example of what we should not be seeing ever as part of Cycling ever. Unless its the Sign of the Merckx, which this isn't. Figures that these are the Rock Racing Girls.

Sorry, we don't "Hang Tough". We fucking ARE tough. And we shave our legs. And possibly our arms. And are very concerned about our appearance. But when it comes to actually RIDING our bikes - however occasionally that might be - we fucking ROCK THAT SHIT.
frank says:

Jul 7 2012 at 4:39 pm

@wiscot

@Chamac'h

The accent is on wrong side : you should have wrote "Les femmes Ã pois." Or even better, the title should have been "Les femmes en pois."
Great subject though... ;)

Apologies, it's been many decades since high school French. The Maillot Vert girls usually look pretty sweet too. Frank - some images please?

They don't have to wear fucking green ponchos or anything. Just classy dresses. Its weird, the thing with the Measles.
versio says:

Jul 7 2012 at 5:07 pm

@frank

I'm going to say this one more time, I've been away for three days and there are emoticons all over this site. Seriously, stop it. I'll fucking ban you without warning. Including you, @roadslave525 and @936adl. Watch yourselves.

(Esqueleto voice) I hate -- all of them!
Buck Rogers says:

Jul 7 2012 at 5:08 pm

@frank

I'm going to say this one more time, I've been away for three days and there are emoticons all over this site. Seriously, stop it. I'll fucking ban you without warning. Including you, @roadslave525 and @936adl. Watch yourselves.

it's like a fuck'in virus! No cure, you just have to wait it out.
frank says:

Jul 7 2012 at 6:30 pm

@Buck Rogers

@frank

I'm going to say this one more time, I've been away for three days and there are emoticons all over this site. Seriously, stop it. I'll fucking ban you without warning. Including you, @roadslave525 and @936adl. Watch yourselves.

it's like a fuck'in virus! No cure, you just have to wait it out.

No. I take the hard-line that its a degeneration of the community. I will have only one choice: ban all those who redner emoticons, or write some code that deletes them.

Symbolically, the emoticon is all that degenerates not only society, but the purity of La Vie Velominatus. We might as well all start doing Forrest Gump salutes across fucking townline sprints.

We are the Pure. We are the Ones Who Have Seen the Way. We are the Fucking Velominatus.

In spite of the cursing, we are the chosen ones.

No more fucking Emotions, you fuckers. Don't make be ban you or write more fucking code just to corral you. For cereal. Both will make me disdain you equally. And my disdainment has consequences. I can't articulate them, but they are at least half man, half bear, and half pig.