Rule #31 was conceived out of necessity, aesthetics and plain good taste. Seeing an oversized saddle bag hanging limply by velcro under a Flite, Arione or Regal just isn’t right. Frame pumps, while they undoubtedly do the finest job of inflating a tube, add nothing but bulk and clutter to the lines of a frame (and aren’t compatible with the majority of curvy, plastic frames prominent today). While a folded tubular held under the seat with a Christophe toe-strap may have been de riguer and kinda cool back in the day, running tubs nowadays is not only uncommon, but an exercise in futility should one ride on any road less smooth and glass-free than a baby’s bum. So you see, Rule #31 was a no-brainer.
But even this most important of Rules has its drawbacks; stuffing the three pockets of your jersey can leave you looking like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, albeit with the hunch on the lower back, and more akin to a series of tumours across the hips and lower spine. Not a pretty sight. My usual pocket-stuffing routine would entail a tube and tyre levers bundled together with a rubber band, stuffed in the middle pocket, with a mini pump accompanying it. The phone would go in the right hip pocket, along with a camera (if there were to be some photo ops along the route, or blatant bike porn shots) and gels and bars in the left. Any extraneous clothing shed en route (arm warmers, cap, gloves) would then be forced in wherever they would fit. If a jacket was required, then all hell would break loose.
But recently I happened by chance upon an item that has made my life, and my riding experience all the easier and clutter-free. Lezyne products were having a season launch of their new, cool gear, and everyone attending received a free gift; in my case, I was handed the Caddy Sack, a simple PVC pouch. Inside was a metal patch kit with glueless patches, and a pair of mini tyre levers. I took it with a degree of dismissal, thinking it would just end up in the pile of superfluous bike crap scattered around my house. But I decided I’d see how much I could load it up, and was surprised to find that it holds a veritable shitload of gear. There’s room aplenty for a tube, levers, patch kit, multi tool, card wallet and phone. But if I want to, I can easily ft in another tube, a bar or two and a couple of gels. And it fits with ease into the middle pocket of all my jerseys, especially the sweet V jersey which is always the go-to garment of choice. This leaves the two outside pockets with more room than ever for whatever the ride requires from the aforementioned list-of-crap-one-may-carry.
Sitting alongside the 31 Sack is always the best mini pump I’ve ever used, the Lezyne Pressure Drive M (for medium). Why is it the best? Just look at it! It’s sexy, yeah, but for such a small unit it packs plenty of air into each stroke, and I can get a geniune 100PSI into my tubes during any roadside repair. But the best feature is the flexible screw-in hose, which eliminates the chance of breaking off the screw-on end of Presta valves, as has happened to the best of us when vigourously hacking away with a fixed-head pump. C’mon, admit it, you’ve done it. No more chance of that with this little beauty. Quite simply, it rules (31 especially).
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@Oli. Nice one I agree but nah, no bulging pockets here. I carry a tube, co2, keys, credit card, 1x bill, phone, and then up to 2 bottles on the bike and the rest is squeezies and cliff bars. Not a lot happens on the road for me (touches wood) and if I run out of food/ water , I can pretend I am an old skool in the Giro and pop into a bar taking what I need and sneak them the bill when I have distracted the audience.
I can get away with a squeezie, bar and 750ml bidon per 75kms.
Even on my offroad jungle epics of up to eight hours we only have small camelbaks and that's mostly for weather clothes, more water and food.
@frank
I'm not sure that's a good idea, Frank. Don't you get a sweaty back if you have a folded jacket under there?
Whenever I ride behind somebody that has a saddle bag it reminds me of the heavy, pendulous ballsack on a farm animal.
@McTyke
1) It is much, much more comfortable than keeping it in your pockets and is also much easier to take on and off
2) Are you seriously asking me about getting sweaty on a bike ride? Rule 5, mate. Yes, we get sweaty on bike rides. The jacket tucked in between is just at your lower back and beneath your pockets, so you don't even notice it's there.
@Steampunk, @Cyclops
You can transcend The Rules when you become one with them. You do not become one with them by pissing and moaning about them at length to justify your breakage of them. Only through lengthy contemplation upon the V can you become a Rule Holist, and then - only then - is it possible to transcend them.
@all
To recap: no fucking camelbacks on road bikes. No saddlebags. Maintain your bike well, and carry a minimum number of tools with you on your ride. Put them in your jersey, along with Nuun tablets and bars and gels. Wear a jersey that fits so this does not cause it to sag; this means your jersey should not be loose and baggy. If you ride with a saddle bag for whatever reason, you must repent afterwards.
Do what you please on your cross bike or your mountain bike, but just make sure you look good doing it.
@marvo larvo
When the Velomihotties find you and pummel you first with their minipumps and C02 cartriages, then on their bikes, I hope someone gets it on tape and publishes it here. It'll be good stuff, no doubt. Just sayin'.
I'll confess to using a small saddle bag most of the time but will need to reconsider in light of the well reasoned and/or impassioned arguments presented here.
@Marko
I used to have one of those, but destroyed the plastic attachment riding hard on crap roads.
@Nate
When/if the clip on mine breaks I will conform fully with Rule 31 as I refuse to mar my seatpost with velcro straps. I have wondered how long it'll last and whether I'll notice it fall off when it does shit the bed.
@pakrat
I assume he rides a bolted tire, I have to carry a 15mm wrench as well when I'm out of my fixed gear.
Sacrificing a jersey pocket or a water bottle cage for what should be carried beneath the seat is pure idiocy. If you are not using all three pockets for food, money, more food, & spare clothes, you are not riding enough. If you are not using both bottle cages for bottles, you are not riding enough. Rule 31 is a joke. Frame pumps are made by one company only: Zefal. The come in one color only: Black. The mount in one place only: Under the top tube.
Full disclosure, last Friday I could only ride for two and a half hours & I used my center pocket for spare tube / tire levers / cellphone / money / house key. So, it would seem, even my rank pronouncements are allowed a bit of gloss.
Spend much time behind farm animals?
@frank
A-Merckx!
Rules are rules, and any I break (inadvertantly or otherwise) detract from Rule Holism and diminish my Velominatism. No excuses! We are all sinners.