V-Announcements: The Way of the Cycling Disciple
We interrupt the current programming for the following announcement:
The more clever among you might have noticed slight shiftings of the sands, a new scent on the breeze. Indeed, the Velominati Boardroom has been bristling with activity of late; the meetings longer and more regular, the pints downed in quicker succession, the views shouted in louder slurs. This can mean only one thing: Velominati is publishing a book.
It is our great pleasure to announce that Velominati has teamed up with Sceptre (subsidiary of Hodder & Stoughton Publishers in the UK) to publish a book framed within the context of The Rules. The book will contain a listing of all the Rules as they currently exist, supplemented with essays written in the spirit of La Vie Velominatus. The book’s subtitle has not yet been finalized but it is provisionally entitled, “The Rules: The Way of the Cycling Disciple”.
Drummond Moir, who has the distinguished challenge of being named our editor (I hope he knows how to herd cats), had the following to say about the book:
I’m so looking forward to this. Imagine a two-wheeled Fight Club, or a cycling version of Neil Strauss’s cult bestseller The Game, and you’re halfway there.
I’ve seen Fight Club, but have no idea what The Game is. For simplicity’s sake, I’ll assume its Awesome. We plan to finish the manuscript by the New Year, and the book will be published in June, 2013. More information may be found on BookTrade.
Thanks to each and every one of you for your suport, and for making Velominati a place worth visiting. VLVV.
@ChrisO
Would prefer a scratch and sniff of the Assos girl…
Splendid, where do I sign?
@wiscot, @TBONE
Disturbing, but fucking funny at the same time.
@TBONE @wiscot The author is apparently “Fotie Photonauer”. Anyone else smell spoof? (As it were.)
We can see what will happen.
There will be people out there who speak the Velotongue but do not truly appreciate the silent core of humility which lies at the heart of every Velominatus. They will go out on the roads and sully the image by being bastards. They will read the book and buy bicycles. The bike shops will start pandering. Pander pander pander. The hipsters will start doing it ironically. Wearing the kit. Actually, like, being, like, really into their road bikes, like, its actually, like, so much more like honest and real than, like, like fixies.
There will be interviews on Ellen DeGeneres. Happy smiling guys in V-Kit saying ‘Hey, it’s great fun for all the family, anyone can do it, woo!’. DeGeneres will make a joke about guns or pistons. Cue screams of mirth in the studio. She will ride a road bike four feet across the room. Cue screams of mirth.
There will be V-cupcakes and V-Plates, V-Cards, V-Apps. V-competitions, V-offers, V-documentaries, V-toys.
But somewhere out there, the true V men will survive.
In the rain. Pedalling. In the sun. Grimacing.
Into the night. Over the horizon.
Into forever.
:..(
@Gianni Incredibly well played sir.
“Sorry I know that you disapprove of swearing so I’ll sort that, you are a boring f**cunt“
I will, without reservation, pay V dollars for this book.
+1
To think that we are in some small way all dropped by these literary Velominati as they travel the talk show circuits…you thought I was going to say part of it. Didn’t ya!?
Looking forward to my purchase of this tome of collected wisdom. Just make sure I am in line in front of Petrometro!
@jeff in Petrometro. Name change to NTAC Dallas? Cheers mate!!
As to Jeff in Petrometro’s comment on name change. How would I go about that as I am now the Sales Manager of a Cycle shop in Dubai. I would like my name to reflect that. Thanks for any help you can give this lowly pack rider.
@Winelli
Fuck me that’s good +1 even with the forbidden emoticon
@TBONE Haha, EWWW!!? That is seriously gross, and I’m worried about how one even knows such a thing exists.
@Gianni I am going to hunt out and watch In The Loop on the strength of that audition.
when you go on the book tour, make sure you use “siri” to ask where to get some food & drink, & use a scottish accent. a clip for apple scotland:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGxKhUuZ0Rc&feature=youtube_gdata_player
@actor1 and DEFINITELY n.s.f.w. if you turn the volume up.
@the Engine Apologies, I don’t know what came over me there with the little face!
@actor1
Hilarious! My oldest son’s soccer coach sounds about like that, without the F-bombs.
@ Frank…I see the PR wagon is in full motion now. I took a chance and bought the first edition of Cyclist Magazine. Well “what the hell” if the sale price of 1st editions of Rouleur are anything to go by this could make me some money in the future. I have also ordered a couple of issues or Rouleur which I will compare to see how the new magazine stacks up..I mean Cyclist is half the price almost so it may swing my final decision on subscriptions…
However more to the point, what do I find on page 42…but our very own Frank waxing lyrical about the The Rules!
We should expect an influx of members…right…about…now!