Guest Article: The Day of Atonement
Is this still the off season for the people of the North? I hope so. I know it’s -34 fahrenheit where Marko lives so he is only riding three times a week to prepare for the Keepers Tour. It seems @souleur has a little holiday guilt and now that those damn holidays are behind us it’s time to think about the cycling season ahead.
Yours in Cycling, Gianni
The season has passed that all cyclists are cautious about. That time of year where food is abundant, and for most of us, we are in a respite as well. This calculates into a caloric excess. And we must admit, we cannot avoid it. Tis the season as we say. At work, our partners and colleagues bring in food and drink to enjoy. Our families make coveted goodies and neighbors even send treats over to express gratitude and friendship. To fully reject these things would indeed be the highest order of an asshole, yet to fully accept it is to throw away our many months of riding and training; at least that is for us north-of-the-equator types. Nonetheless, this time of year we do our best to be friendly and gracious to our friends and family even if that means eating that extra piece of pumpkin pie.
Brothers and Sisters, we must be careful. As cyclists, we know the price we pay for such friendly behavior. Because lurking in the shadows of our get togethers and parties is the man with the hammer. I know, you may not have realized this, but it is an observation I have recently made. We have indeed become familiar with him in seasons past when he visits us as the uninvited guest of our friendly bike rides. But now in the off season, the man with the hammer’s love of being the peeping Tom is in full swing. See, for now, the man with the hammer is taking notes on all of our indiscretions, each and every single one. He has a flawless memory bank and each and every thing we indulge at this time of year is officially on the record. Sure, it’s just a piece of pie, but each goodie we take in, it will be required of us one day. See, for the man with the hammer, it’s a special day he looks forward to and it’s called payback day. He’s a bored lunatic who has nothing more to do than inflict loads of hatred upon us. In fact there is nothing that he relishes in more than to take advantage of us at that perfect moment, when you are bleeding out your eyeballs, you are gasping for a short breath of air and this fifty pound monkey jumps on your back. For some, he rarely pays a visit because they are very, very disciplined. For those like myself, he visits often and repeatedly and in heavy doses. Because of his regularly scheduled appointments, I have become more familiar with him and I take note of his characteristics, his virtue, his habits. And the more I learn of him, the more he reminds me of Jack Torrance in the Shining, BAMM, there he is and boy is he ever-present and somebody is gonna pay because he is all about the bat-shit-craziness.
Yes, it’s that special day when you resume your training. That day becomes the day we recognize our sins of the past. It may be the hill repeats, it may be that perfect stretch of road that we find ourselves doing max intervals in V-locus fashion, it may be that long steady climb; but whatever it is we all will come to that pivotal point that we crawl before the alter of the man with the hammer and pay penance for the luxuries of the holiday season. The man with the hammer recalls each and every one of our sins as he checks them off one by one. He calls us to atone and inflicts loads of V commensurate our just deserts. Sadly, some will be discouraged, but for us Keepers of the highest order, we understand this is required. We understand and accept the pain, the suffering, and that atonement is called for. What the man with the hammer doesn’t get, is when we actually sit down at the table like gentlepeople, sit, talk and take account of all that we have done, we then ask for more pain, another pounding, a repeated mashing to make us hard as nails. Because that is exactly what we realize we need in order to become better. The problem is the man with the hammer isn’t interested a conversation and he isn’t a gentleman.
@PeakInTwoYears indeed the IPA delightfully tasty and hard to resist I love them all!
@PeakInTwoYears
Merckx dammit, I am so demotivated. I have all of 17 miles in this year. One fucking stupid ride between rain showers. My ass is huge. I leer at my bike perched on a work stand in the living room, polished and ready. It looks like fucking sculpture. They make fucking submarines out of titanium, and I’m afraid of getting my Ti frame wet. It’s sunday night, and I’m dribking rye whisky looking at @Franks video of a ride in Hawai’i, wondering if I can ever show my guns in public again. I think the best thing about my helmet is that it covers my grey hear sprouting from a bald spot. All my laundry is stacked on top of my Sacred Garments, because it’s been so long since I’ve actually fucking put them on. The forecast is for more cold, more rain, and unlike fucking evelyn stevens, I gotta go to work tomorrow morning. Fuck fuck fuck.
Please, fellow Velominati – help me find salvation. Where is this path? Will I ever find my way fucking way again?
@eightzero the only thing I can think of at the moment is fucking move. If the weather is that bad for that long get outa there pronto. Australia is nice!
@eightzero
Just get out there matey. There are only two types of weather – the stuff you’re dressed for and the stuff you’re not.
You may think that’s easy to say for me in Abu Dhabi but I ride when I go back to the UK for long weekends, when it would be damned easy to say fuck it, I’ll be back in the desert next week so why go out on a cold/wet morning.
Weather is a crap excuse for not riding – if you let weather stop you then wherever you are it will most likely be too hot, too cold, too wet, too windy or too something, unless you live in some Goldilocks micro-climate.
Do you ride with a group or a club ? Or just a couple of mates to ride with ? I find if I have told someone I will be turning up for a ride then it motivates me to do it, where on my own I might be tempted to stay inside. Usually I apply that psychology to doing intervals but it works for weather too.
@Daccordi Rider
Agreed. Not only is the weather fantastic in Aus but the TDU podium girls are on call to provide bisous after every ride.
@eightzero
Difficult conditions repeated often enough becomes routine, routine becomes easy. +4 C is downright balmly today and I can’t wait for the next ride tomorrow despite it being just a lowly commute.
Every man has to find his own motivation, but I’m damn proud to have found mine. 400 km / month doesn’t stack up well next to you lot, but its been my best offseason in 5 years, and glad I’m not whining anymore about 15 degree rain.
@strathlubnaig
Fixed your post there!
@eightzero Rollers and a trainer and a laptop. Intervals, intervals, intervals. And join a club that races. If you’ve got that expectation there then you’ll ned a plan or the races will suck worse than any riding you’ve done before. Weather will become secondary.
Or move.
@eightzero
Merckx, I could have written that post. Well, except for the Ti frame and the bald spot. I’m sick of this damned snow and single-digit weather. I’ve been working on a move to France in another year but Italy’s looking so much better.
@TommyTubolare
no sheet? thanks for the fore-warning
i simply take people at their word, and marketing i suppose
forgive me Merckx, for i have sinned
pentance will be paid out this afternoon
@eightzero
salvation is to be had brother, but first..read Rule V and simply put it all behind you
Ok, I have buddies like you as well, enamored over the Ti thngy (a tremendously priced alloy IMHO) that treat her like a precious diamond…the hardest of jewels out there, yet never subject her to any elements. Ok, I get it, its precious
So, here is what I do, guilt free in winter. My Reparto Corse Bianchi, an old outdated scum sucking steel frame, is mated to old Ultegra 600 8spd grouppo, and mavic ksyriums equipe. I maintain her nicely, groom her, but through winter, she is perfect. weighs an amazing 18.5lb, and absolute guilt free as my others hang on the wall for now. Maybe that would help, buy a rain/winter bike with old goodies.
@minion
IMHO this just makes Johnny and the man with the Hammer madder, when they see us in the comforts of a wood burning fire in the corner, a mat catching our drippings, and a book laid out as we roule along…just makes the atonement day of reckoning more bitter
@Souleur
Wise words….a slightly different tack to take might be as simple as:
1. A Ti frame is hard enough to withstand anything.
2. Your gruppo or groupsan is not, it can wear out and winter it is worse than summer
If you need to replace your gruppo on a regular basis, this is a badge of honour, it means you are a hard man who is riding many many miles…you can brag to the douchebags that you have had to replace your BB AGAIN!
and remember…….every mile is a good mile……Start! there is no other way of getting where you want to go…
or….go watch Touching the Void and the Rule #5!
@Souleur
What Souleur said. My “rain bike” is a mountain bike, but the same principle: it’s liberating to not give a shit what I do to it. Eight to nine minutes, post-ride, to hose the mud and grit off, wipe it down, and lube the chain. I’ll give a proper cleaning in Spring.
@Souleur
Intervals… …Comfort… …Book?!!?
Rule V. Comfort and books might be an option for recovery or base sessions on the rollers (if you’ve got the patience to ride the rollers for that sort of length of time) but if there’s enough oxygen in your blood to support sight and thought processes, you need to be going harder.
There is only one interval, the one you’re riding now. Worry about the rest when you’re riding them.
I will warn those that like to ride in cold weather to wear some sort of scarf over your mouth. Yesterday i headed out to sweep the local shop ride, and even with my thin scarf, i managed to completely fuck up my throat from inhaling road salt and other chemicals. Can hardly talk it burns so badly. And keep the bidons in jersey jacket pockets lest they freeze over and you lick the salt chemicals and diesel off with each feeble attempt to squirt some water out
I do have an Al rain bike; it was my very first road bike and I put 10,000 miles on it. Even upgraded it to a 10 speed group-san last year. It sits in the corner looking forlorn.
But…there is a ray of hope. Who will join me for a Seattle classic ride?:
https://shop.cascade.org/content/events/chilly-hilly
Thanks for all the cheering up. I did do an all time annual best of 3000 miles in 2012. Not alot compared to you mighty bastards, but for an old fuck like me, that was tits.
@eightzero
Oh, I’ll do that.
Btw, Shari and I had been focused on the Rhody Ride century in May (Port Townsend) as a training goal, and then they cancelled the fucker for lack of key volunteers. So I’m going to plan us a self-supported 150kms on Whidbey in May. I’ll keep you informed in case you guys want to join us, which would be cool. A few of the local mtb mob here are strong road riders, and we’ll try to snag a couple of them, too. Should be a fun day.
@PeakInTwoYears
Coolness! Should we make a full blown Cogal out of it? I rather presume we’ll do the Mid October Whidbey Cogal Part Trois in 2013.
@eightzero
Hey, I’m on that ride–anything for structure, a narrative frame for a day’s existence–but I was just informed via email that I won’t be accompanied by a certain someone who said “too many people, not enough miles.” That’s my VMH, right there.
As with my earlier question about a Hurricane Ridge cogal, I don’t know how a proper cogal, as such, co-exists with a big organized event. I just know that I plan to be on Bainbridge Is. on the 24th looking for V-kit.
We ride, then we drink, n’est-ce pas? Maybe it’s just that simple.
@Souleur I will just say that I will be needing to atonement the hell out of myself when I can ride everyday again.
I can already taste the vomit
@Dan_R
thats 2 of us!
I use to train like that, with the index of my workout and fitness being if/when I would vomit
however, i have grown up alot since then and haven’t in over 10yrs. maybe i should study up on Rule V, as I did slam some steep long hills, felt nauseous and didn’t vomit…but oh well, will revisit this on the next ride
@xyxax Doc ! Get a fookin’ Merckx! What else is there? There are those that ride Merckx’s and those that want to. You will not be sorry!!!
@roger
I learned that lesson the hard way last year! I don’t know what else they mix with the road salt here but it’s some nasty stuff.
@Sauterelle
How about the muck from farm vehicles, I see a lot of manure spreading and what not going on at certain times of year, and it can be difficult to avoid especially in the frequent wet weather we get here in Caledonia, always wonder if there is a film of cow poop or something coating the bidon. On the other hand, what dont kill ya only makes ye stronger ?
@Rob
Nice one, the hardest part is just getting out the door, later you can enjoy the post ride thaw happy and content you are a hard core full on heavy metal Rule #9 beast.
@PeakInTwoYears
Simplicity itself. I’m in. I plan on hitting the first boat. If it is really chilly(!) I might not be flying full V-Regalia. Be cool to meet up though.
Dr/Mrs Eightzero hates CH for the same reason as your VMH. Too many idiots. The clowns that can’t handle riding closer than 3 feet to another rider wear her out. The Cascade crowd is an interesting bike tribe, but reliable ain’t their longest suit.
I was thinking full blown Cogal for a ride on Whidbey in May.
@strathlubnaig
Ugh, on one of my routes it seems there’s always a manure truck out spraying. I grew up in Wisconsin (state motto: “Smell Our Dairy-Air”) but this one is almost unbearable. It could be worse, though. A woman I used to work with had one go crazy in the field next to her and it sprayed a load of liquid poo into her open sunroof. Brand new car with a white interior. Blecch.
@Sauterelle
Not much has changed I can assure you. On the WI mini Cogal last March in Middleton, there was plenty o’ the keech lying bout on the roads. Thankfully it was dry or it would have been a gritty ride in more ways than one!
@strathlubnaig a mate of mine who rode for a coupla years in Belgium (one on Johan Bruyneel’s “development squad”) reckoned that one of the hardest things to get used to was the deflected cow shit that would cover his bidons and make him sick.
Especially tough for non-Europeans whose systems haven’t built up tolerance to mad cow disease. No doubt your system has been trained on Irn Bru so am guessing a bit of cow crap wont bother you.
@Marcus
Whoa! Are you dissing the Bru? Made fae girders!
Just for you, here’s one with a sheep: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WV219dHbeDg
There’s sheep in #1 too! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHAUV4-Bzq8
In fact, given its color, maybe Irn Bru should be the official soft drink of the Velominati?
@wiscot I actually love the stuff – but only on particularly hot days – which must be why its so popular in Scotland.
@wiscot Middleton? you dont say! I took a road trip up there from chicago one summer for some rather wacky reasons, but one thing i remember about wisconsin is that during winters, they would spread the manure up icy hills and driveways. the reasoning a farmer later told me was it froze over, and provided traction so they could drive up without chains. which only lead to my 2nd question, what do you do in the spring when it thaws out?
@eightzero
See you at the start, then. Let’s exchange cell numbers. I’m at 503.780.7426.
Ohhellyeah. I misunderstood. We’d both be up for that like Viagra. We need a spring goal if we’re going to survive the Seattle summer (stage!) cogal.
If somebody put a gun to my head and said, “You’re moving to the midwest,” it would take me about .25 seconds to say, “Wisconsin.” My VMH is from Door County, and I used to drive up to the coulee country to flyfish when I was working in Chicago (temporary FIB).
Nice place, nice people.
@PeakInTwoYears
For sure. I grew up in Illinois about 10 minutes south of Wisconsin, spent my fisrt 29 years as a Midwesterner. Work took me elsewhere about 3 years ago. I still love the Midwest
@Souleur
Velimia – the practice of riding the Pain Train until the V is forcefully ejected from the system.
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