Categories: Guest Article

Guest Article: The Day of Atonement

The man with the hammer (or axe).

Is this still the off season for the people of the North? I hope so. I know it’s -34 fahrenheit where Marko lives so he is only riding three times a week to prepare for the Keepers Tour. It seems @souleur has a little holiday guilt and now that those damn holidays are behind us it’s time to think about the cycling season ahead.

Yours in Cycling, Gianni

The season has passed that all cyclists are cautious about. That time of year where food is abundant, and for most of us, we are in a respite as well. This calculates into a caloric excess. And we must admit, we cannot avoid it. Tis the season as we say. At work, our partners and colleagues bring in food and drink to enjoy. Our families make coveted goodies and neighbors even send treats over to express gratitude and friendship. To fully reject these things would indeed be the highest order of an asshole, yet to fully accept it is to throw away our many months of riding and training; at least that is for us north-of-the-equator types. Nonetheless, this time of year we do our best to be friendly and gracious to our friends and family even if that means eating that extra piece of pumpkin pie.

Brothers and Sisters, we must be careful. As cyclists, we know the price we pay for such friendly behavior. Because lurking in the shadows of our get togethers and parties is the man with the hammer. I know, you may not have realized this, but it is an observation I have recently made. We have indeed become familiar with him in seasons past when he visits us as the uninvited guest of our friendly bike rides. But now in the off season, the man with the hammer’s love of being the peeping Tom is in full swing. See, for now, the man with the hammer is taking notes on all of our indiscretions, each and every single one. He has a flawless memory bank and each and every thing we indulge at this time of year is officially on the record. Sure, it’s just a piece of pie, but each goodie we take in, it will be required of us one day. See, for the man with the hammer, it’s a special day he looks forward to and it’s called payback day. He’s a bored lunatic who has nothing more to do than inflict loads of hatred upon us. In fact there is nothing that he relishes in more than to take advantage of us at that perfect moment, when you are bleeding out your eyeballs, you are gasping for a short breath of air and this fifty pound monkey jumps on your back. For some, he rarely pays a visit because they are very, very disciplined. For those like myself, he visits often and repeatedly and in heavy doses. Because of his regularly scheduled appointments, I have become more familiar with him and I take note of his characteristics, his virtue, his habits. And the more I learn of him, the more he reminds me of Jack Torrance in the Shining, BAMM, there he is and boy is he ever-present and somebody is gonna pay because he is all about the bat-shit-craziness.

Yes, it’s that special day when you resume your training. That day becomes the day we recognize our sins of the past. It may be the hill repeats, it may be that perfect stretch of road that we find ourselves doing max intervals in V-locus fashion, it may be that long steady climb; but whatever it is we all will come to that pivotal point that we crawl before the alter of the man with the hammer and pay penance for the luxuries of the holiday season. The man with the hammer recalls each and every one of our sins as he checks them off one by one. He calls us to atone and inflicts loads of V commensurate our just deserts.  Sadly, some will be discouraged, but for us Keepers of the highest order, we understand this is required. We understand and accept the pain, the suffering, and that atonement is called for. What the man with the hammer doesn’t get, is when we actually sit down at the table like gentlepeople, sit, talk and take account of all that we have done, we then ask for more pain, another pounding,  a repeated mashing to make us hard as nails. Because that is exactly what we realize we need in order to become better. The problem is the man with the hammer isn’t interested a conversation and he isn’t a gentleman.

 

Souleur

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  • @eightzero

    @PeakInTwoYears

    @eightzero

    Oh, man. You are so fucked.

    Merckx dammit, I am so demotivated. I have all of 17 miles in this year. One fucking stupid ride between rain showers. My ass is huge. I leer at my bike perched on a work stand in the living room, polished and ready. It looks like fucking sculpture. They make fucking submarines out of titanium, and I'm afraid of getting my Ti frame wet. It's sunday night, and I'm dribking rye whisky looking at @Franks video of a ride in Hawai'i, wondering if I can ever show my guns in public again. I think the best thing about my helmet is that it covers my grey hear sprouting from a bald spot. All my laundry is stacked on top of my Sacred Garments, because it's been so long since I've actually fucking put them on. The forecast is for more cold, more rain, and unlike fucking evelyn stevens, I gotta go to work tomorrow morning. Fuck fuck fuck.

    Please, fellow Velominati - help me find salvation. Where is this path? Will I ever find my way fucking way again?

    salvation is to be had brother, but first..read Rule V and simply put it all behind you

    Ok, I have buddies like you as well, enamored over the Ti thngy (a tremendously priced alloy IMHO) that treat her like a precious diamond...the hardest of jewels out there, yet never subject her to any elements.  Ok, I get it, its precious

    So, here is what I do, guilt free in winter.  My Reparto Corse Bianchi, an old outdated scum sucking steel frame, is mated to old Ultegra 600 8spd grouppo, and mavic ksyriums equipe.  I maintain her nicely, groom her, but through winter, she is perfect.  weighs an amazing 18.5lb, and absolute guilt free as my others hang on the wall for now.  Maybe that would help, buy a rain/winter bike with old goodies.

  • @minion

    @eightzero Rollers and a trainer and a laptop. Intervals, intervals, intervals. And join a club that races. If you've got that expectation there then you'll ned a plan or the races will suck worse than any riding you've done before. Weather will become secondary.

    Or move.

    IMHO this just makes Johnny and the man with the Hammer madder, when they see us in the comforts of a wood burning fire in the corner, a mat catching our drippings, and a book laid out as we roule along...just makes the atonement day of reckoning more bitter

  • @Souleur

    @eightzero

    @PeakInTwoYears

    @eightzero

    Oh, man. You are so fucked.

    Merckx dammit, I am so demotivated. I have all of 17 miles in this year. One fucking stupid ride between rain showers. My ass is huge. I leer at my bike perched on a work stand in the living room, polished and ready. It looks like fucking sculpture. They make fucking submarines out of titanium, and I'm afraid of getting my Ti frame wet. It's sunday night, and I'm dribking rye whisky looking at @Franks video of a ride in Hawai'i, wondering if I can ever show my guns in public again. I think the best thing about my helmet is that it covers my grey hear sprouting from a bald spot. All my laundry is stacked on top of my Sacred Garments, because it's been so long since I've actually fucking put them on. The forecast is for more cold, more rain, and unlike fucking evelyn stevens, I gotta go to work tomorrow morning. Fuck fuck fuck.

    Please, fellow Velominati - help me find salvation. Where is this path? Will I ever find my way fucking way again?

    salvation is to be had brother, but first..read Rule V and simply put it all behind you

    Ok, I have buddies like you as well, enamored over the Ti thngy (a tremendously priced alloy IMHO) that treat her like a precious diamond...the hardest of jewels out there, yet never subject her to any elements. Ok, I get it, its precious

    So, here is what I do, guilt free in winter. My Reparto Corse Bianchi, an old outdated scum sucking steel frame, is mated to old Ultegra 600 8spd grouppo, and mavic ksyriums equipe. I maintain her nicely, groom her, but through winter, she is perfect. weighs an amazing 18.5lb, and absolute guilt free as my others hang on the wall for now. Maybe that would help, buy a rain/winter bike with old goodies.

    Wise words....a slightly different tack to take might be as simple as:

    1.  A Ti frame is hard enough to withstand anything.

    2.  Your gruppo or groupsan is not, it can wear out and winter it is worse than summer

    If you need to replace your gruppo on a regular basis, this is a badge of honour, it means you are a hard man who is riding many many miles...you can brag to the douchebags that you have had to replace your BB AGAIN!

    and remember.......every mile is a good mile......Start! there is no other way of getting where you want to go...

    or....go watch Touching the Void and the Rule #5!

    Joe Simpson: I didn't put a knot into the end of the rope. If there was nothing down there, I would fall, and it would be quick.

    Simon Yates: rather than just sit here, feeling sorry for myself or whatever, I'll get on with it and I'll die on the way down. 
     
     
    Joe Simpson: You gotta make decisions. You gotta keep making decisions, even if they're wrong decisions, you know. If you don't make decisions, you're stuffed.
     
     
  • @Souleur

    What Souleur said. My "rain bike" is a mountain bike, but the same principle: it's liberating to not give a shit what I do to it. Eight to nine minutes, post-ride, to hose the mud and grit off, wipe it down, and lube the chain. I'll give a proper cleaning in Spring.

  • @Souleur

    @minion

    @eightzero Rollers and a trainer and a laptop. Intervals, intervals, intervals. And join a club that races. If you've got that expectation there then you'll ned a plan or the races will suck worse than any riding you've done before. Weather will become secondary.

    Or move.

    IMHO this just makes Johnny and the man with the Hammer madder, when they see us in the comforts of a wood burning fire in the corner, a mat catching our drippings, and a book laid out as we roule along...just makes the atonement day of reckoning more bitter

    Intervals... ...Comfort... ...Book?!!?

    Rule V. Comfort and books might be an option for recovery or base sessions on the rollers (if you've got the patience to ride the rollers for that sort of length of time) but if there's enough oxygen in your blood to support sight and thought processes, you need to be going harder.

    There is only one interval, the one you're riding now. Worry about the rest when you're riding them. 

  • I will warn those that like to ride in cold weather to wear some sort of scarf over your mouth.  Yesterday i headed out to sweep the local shop ride, and even with my thin scarf, i managed to completely fuck up my throat from inhaling road salt and other chemicals.  Can hardly talk it burns so badly.  And keep the bidons in jersey jacket pockets lest they freeze over and you lick the salt chemicals and diesel off with each feeble attempt to squirt some water out

  • I do have an Al rain bike; it was my very first road bike and I put 10,000 miles on it. Even upgraded it to a 10 speed group-san last year. It sits in the corner looking forlorn.

    But...there is a ray of hope. Who will join me for a Seattle classic ride?:

    https://shop.cascade.org/content/events/chilly-hilly

    Thanks for all the cheering up. I did do an all time annual best of 3000 miles in 2012. Not alot compared to you mighty bastards, but for an old fuck like me, that was tits.

  • @eightzero

    But...there is a ray of hope. Who will join me for a Seattle classic ride?:

    https://shop.cascade.org/content/events/chilly-hilly

    Oh, I'll do that.

    Btw, Shari and I had been focused on the Rhody Ride century in May (Port Townsend) as a training goal, and then they cancelled the fucker for lack of key volunteers. So I'm going to plan us a self-supported 150kms on Whidbey in May. I'll keep you informed in case you guys want to join us, which would be cool. A few of the local mtb mob here are strong road riders, and we'll try to snag a couple of them, too. Should be a fun day.

  • @PeakInTwoYears

    @eightzero

    But...there is a ray of hope. Who will join me for a Seattle classic ride?:

    https://shop.cascade.org/content/events/chilly-hilly

    Oh, I'll do that.

    Btw, Shari and I had been focused on the Rhody Ride century in May (Port Townsend) as a training goal, and then they cancelled the fucker for lack of key volunteers. So I'm going to plan us a self-supported 150kms on Whidbey in May. I'll keep you informed in case you guys want to join us, which would be cool. A few of the local mtb mob here are strong road riders, and we'll try to snag a couple of them, too. Should be a fun day.

    Coolness! Should we make a full blown Cogal out of it? I rather presume we'll do the Mid October Whidbey Cogal Part Trois in 2013.

  • @eightzero

    Hey, I'm on that ride--anything for structure, a narrative frame for a day's existence--but I was just informed via email that I won't be accompanied by a certain someone who said "too many people, not enough miles." That's my VMH, right there.

    As with my earlier question about a Hurricane Ridge cogal, I don't know how a proper cogal, as such, co-exists with a big organized event. I just know that I plan to be on Bainbridge Is. on the 24th looking for V-kit.

    We ride, then we drink, n'est-ce pas? Maybe it's just that simple.

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Souleur

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