Categories: Guest Article

Guest Article: “The Journey Is The Thing”- Homer

Let’s get ready to Rumble!

Yvon Chounard may not be Homer but he is a worthy modern day wise man, he admonished, don’t be a sports nazi. His meaning was, don’t do one sport to the exclusion of all others. It’s tempting not to pursue other sports when cycling demands so much time and leaves one with a body that is barely useful for anything else, but that would be too easy.

VLVV, Gianni

Admittedly, the concept of worshipping multiple deities has lost its popular following in the last few millennia. But we must reconcile theological doctrine with reality and bury the schisms that have caused sectarian strife for so long. The month of October is the perfect time to revisit the sacred teachings.

At first glance, you might call me an infidel upon learning that today, instead of devoting my whole day to worshipping The Bike, I plan to make equally sacred offerings to The Mountain. Indeed, the pile of bespoke cycling gear designated for today’s ride now has to share the same trunk space with ropes, cams, carabiners, and other studly accoutrements of the climbing craft. Upon learning this, many of you likely will condemn me a Rule #4 violator and ban me from La Vie Velominatus for life. But I beg you to hear my case before casting judgment.

In ancient Athens, for example, the good citizens understood that it was prudent to worship many gods; though the gods were fickle and jealous, they could bestow upon you great benefits. What really mattered was religious experience, spirituality, and sacrifice.

I assure you – all of these elements will be present in today’s outing and, as such, I am not heretic, but a true believer. Take for example, sacrifice. What greater sacrifice can there be than braving the desolate country roads of rural Virginia, with nary an espresso in sight, facing a near-rabid canine darting at me as I exhaustedly summit a roller?  In the same vein, the path to our climbing routes planned for the afternoon takes us between Scylla and Charybdis – the dreaded “Poison Ivy Gully” descent or a rappel off manky tree anchors that could, at any moment, be messed with by meth tweakers frequenting the trail. I shall not even speak of the fact that we have to arrive at our destinations in a minivan, for no other mode of transport can accommodate the Hydra masking as our multi-sport gear collection.

The religious experience will be all worth it. There is little that compares to the hum of my overpriced drivetrain on a crisp October day or the cloud of climbing chalk following me like a halo as I flail like a stuck pig on a sandbag Great Falls eliminate. I thusly urge you to consider the wisdom of the ancients and erase differences between the gods. As far back as Homer, great thinkers recognized a unity in the multiplicity of the divine. Skiing season, here I come!

spankles

View Comments

  • @ChrisO

    Oh for the love of Merckx... why don't we just make the site a link off Outdoor magazine and forget the whole Velominati thing ?

    First it was less aesthetic pursuits like Cross, and then it was gravel bikes, which just about scraped in above the line.

    But that was followed by mountain bikes and then we were treated to a paean for a commuter bike with weird bars.

    Now we find that La Vie Velominatus encompasses rock-climbing and kayaking.

    And there are rumours that Gianni is planning a series of articles on Zumba.

    Anyone want to share some recipes while we're at it ?

    The recumbent apocalypse is surely coming...

    A-Merckx, Brother.

    I'm cool with the inclusion of Cross and mountain bikes (like many, it was through mountain bikes that I found my way to the road bike and both form of nobbly tyres are good for handling skills and off season training) but there is a worrying shift to some sort of all inclusive liberalism. And while I'm sure rock climbing and kayaking are pretty awesome pursuits, I can't get past the fact that they are well known for attracting some awful beards and downright ugly kit.

    We all know that Frank has a fetish for Nordic skiing but thankfully he's chosen to follow the Masturbation Principle and not broadcast it here.

  • My heart warms knowing that many a Velominatus practices the sacred climbing craft. The doctrinal debate above is an important first step towards understanding.  I, for one, would like to see a set of Grand Unified Rules, or at least core principles which can better guide the disciples.  For example, I need some specific rule authority when enforcing dress-code standards at the climbing gym.  There are many violations....

  • @ChrisO

    Oh for the love of Merckx... why don't we just make the site a link off Outdoor magazine and forget the whole Velominati thing ?

    First it was less aesthetic pursuits like Cross, and then it was gravel bikes, which just about scraped in above the line.

    But that was followed by mountain bikes and then we were treated to a paean for a commuter bike with weird bars.

    Now we find that La Vie Velominatus encompasses rock-climbing and kayaking.

    And there are rumours that Gianni is planning a series of articles on Zumba.

    Anyone want to share some recipes while we're at it ?

    The recumbent apocalypse is surely coming...

    I agree to an extent. I feel that these ramblings should never leave this article. The race season has ended for most and the riding season is knocking at winters door. A small outlet of our frustrations isn't a bad thing.

    Consider these a Confession of sorts and let it die here.

  • @DCR

    @Chris

    @ChrisO

    More power to you as how boring it would be without individual opinion, but I have to say, these are the kinds of elitist comments and attitudes that trolls love and make people think of roadies as twats. I like to think that rather than elitist twats this community represents an egalitarian view of cycling. We want to include, not exclude as we strive for a higher state of mind and exaltation. The Rules can get us on that path but as Jim has recently pointed out so well, that path can be found elsewhere. It's what  Csikszentmihalyi called flow. The Velominati and the Rules can create the conditions for Flow but do not hold a patent on them. Ever drop a knee down a 30% glade in 2 feet of powder and snorkel through the white room? How about execute a perfect back-ferry around a class III bend in a loaded canoe with a partner. What about surf a 17 foot long/22" wide sea kayak on the glass of Skookumchuk? If not, you're missing out on some of what life has to offer. Perhaps a little meditation on Rule 6 is needed here.

  • @Marko

    The Rules can get us on that path but as Jim has recently pointed out so well, that path can be found elsewhere.

    Why not...

  • @DCR

    @ChrisO

    Oh for the love of Merckx... why don't we just make the site a link off Outdoor magazine and forget the whole Velominati thing ?

    First it was less aesthetic pursuits like Cross, and then it was gravel bikes, which just about scraped in above the line.

    But that was followed by mountain bikes and then we were treated to a paean for a commuter bike with weird bars.

    Now we find that La Vie Velominatus encompasses rock-climbing and kayaking.

    And there are rumours that Gianni is planning a series of articles on Zumba.

    Anyone want to share some recipes while we're at it ?

    The recumbent apocalypse is surely coming...

    I agree to an extent. I feel that these ramblings should never leave this article. The race season has ended for most and the riding season is knocking at winters door. A small outlet of our frustrations isn't a bad thing.

    Consider these a Confession of sorts and let it die here.

    Winter season is riding season, as are all seasons.

  • If its to cold to ride, snowbird down to my neck of the woods for whats the prime riding season(cause it sure isn't summer)

  • @ChrisO  @Chris

    Grouchy bears.

    I had two main cycling goals for this year, and I met and exceeded them both. Because I'm an old "returning cyclist" and no Cat II hardass, I'm not spraying about them. But it was a pretty satisfying year of cycling. I'm intentionally giving myself a little rest, and I'm okay with that. Yesterday I paddled, today we're riding MTBs on nice singletrack, tomorrow a favorite road ride.

    I'm pretty happy about all that.

    @Marko

    surf a 17 foot long/22"³ wide sea kayak on the glass of Skookumchuk?

    I want that in the worst way. Skookumchuck, Deception Pass, Baynes Channel... I'm finding out about opportunities for insane thrills around here that I hadn't the faintest notion of. So much to learn on the way.

  • @PeakInTwoYears good scene out there. Deception and Skookum are the bees knees. The Pavé of paddling. Have you connected with Leon and Shawna at Body Boat Blade in Analcoitus? They're the best around.

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spankles

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