@prowrench is throwing down the greasy gauntlet. There is truth in his words. We already understand the gap between the professional cyclist and us civilians extends somewhere over the horizon. We can ride the bikes, wear nice kit and ride the race routes but that’s about as close as we can get. No one is paying us to ride. We are not Pros. But we can work on our own bikes can’t we?
Please also see the required supplemental reading, All You Bike Pricks.
VLVV, Gianni
You got a new bike a few years ago and something magical happened. You realized that when your legs aren’t languishing under a desk at the office or basking under the blue glare of the television that, by some unknown miracle, they can propel you to astounding speeds on your bicycle. You took heart, rode some more and you got quick. You joined a club, subscribed to every magazine and every blog, you learned The Rules and quickly ascended to the ranks of the initiated cyclist. Good for you!
You, the tinkerer, are one savvy fellow. You have examined the simple steed beneath you and with your god given mechanical prowess turned a few screws, fiddled with some barrel adjusters, squirted some lube here and there and tamed a few squeaks and calmed the wild mis-shifts that embarrassed you in front of your friends. You maintain your bike, your brother-in-law’s bike, your neighbor’s bike and the kids’ bikes from the neighborhood. Fueled with a few small successes and powered by the unlimited knowledge bestowed upon you by YouTube University and several forums you are now an expert mechanic. You can turn a wrench with the best of them…right?
Let me introduce you to an idea that may not have crossed your mind: You can’t.
Before you take offense, lend me your ear and I will try to help you to comprehend the vastness of all that you don’t know. As a professional mechanic of 12 years, I would like to introduce you to the subject of bicycle maintenance repair from the point of view of the greasy handed elitists who you have come to defy and will avoid paying at all costs.
Every morning I wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed and go to work; just like you. When I get to work, however, I am greeted by the aroma of tires and a spacious shop filled with expensive specialty tools and all manner of bikes. From the wobbly beginners’ bike to the bike you wish you had but probably never will, I work on them all, every day. Your hobby is my bread and butter.
I have installed thousands upon thousands of tires and tubes and threaded countless cables through more shifters and brake levers than you can begin to imagine. I have turned a million spoke nipples and skillfully negotiated the careful equilibrium of the perfectly trued wheel more times that you have tied your shoes. I remember to meticulously check the tension of every nut and bolt on your bike with precisely calibrated torque wrenches: a thought that you wish had occurred to you and a tool you wish you had. I wrap handlebars with confidence and great care so that the tape overlaps with an even, artful twist and tightens as you grip it instead of unraveling after your first few rides. I obsessively position every component just as it ought to be because every bike deserves to be in tip top shape and it is my livelihood to make it so.
I know you think you understand how your bike works. How hard could it be right? There is nothing hidden. Your bicycle sits before you baring all and yet you could take your bike to your neighborhood shop right now and they could find a thousand things wrong with it and just as many ways to charge you in order to fix it. There is a reason for that and the explanation is on its way.
It has taken me years to hone the skills involved in my craft. I can hear when your rear derailleur hanger is out of alignment by a degree or two and that has only come after listening to thousands of derailleurs ticking away in my work stand. You may as well be stone deaf when it comes to that. I know that dropping your front derailleur a millimeter or so and twisting it out just a hair will help it decisively slam and lock your chain to the big ring in the blink of an eye. You might as well be trying to pilot a spacecraft through an asteroid field with a blindfold on. The mechanics at your local shop have paid the price for the precious knowledge which you have supposed could come so easily. Rather than beleaguer you with further examples of how I am right and you are wrong, I will endeavor to make the process of outsourcing the sacred task of maintaining your bike a smooth and painless one.
Bridging The Gap
Successfully communicating with your local mechanics will be key to finding happiness in this process. Mechanics are a fickle bunch and if you haven’t figured it out by reading thus far, some of us might be a tad egotistical and maybe a touch insecure. I will do my best to set you up for success as you repent and and take your bike in for its first much needed, legitimate service.
First, take everything that you have come to know about working on bikes and stick it in your pocket. Mechanics know how to work on bikes and they don’t care much for hearing what you think it entails. From the moment the mechanic lays eyes on your bike, seeing your terrible attempt at wrapping bars, your grossly over lubed drivetrain or the hack job that you did running and ugly web of too long or too short cables and housing all over your bike, he will know, and it will go without saying, what it is that you have been up to. Don’t be too proud of your work because it will only result in heartbreak.
Second, bear in mind that time and expertise are never on closeout and it will cost you to have the pros lay their hands on your beloved bike and resuscitate it to full health. It will be important for your mental well-being to consult with your cohorts and settle on a mechanic that everyone can agree bills repair work fairly and is worth the money that you’ll spend. Since you have been maintaining your bike, you have been letting basic things go through the cracks. The mechanic will want to fix all of these before you get your bike back so your first visit could cost a small fortune. Take heart though, because once this is out of the way, subsequent visits will consist of simple adjustments mainly and will be relatively inexpensive.
Thirdly and most importantly, be kind. I provide whatever service is due to every customer based on what they pay, even if they treat me like scum. For the nice customer however, I always go above and beyond. As the owner of my shop always says, “It is nice to be nice to the nice”. Kindness is currency but even more importantly, currency is currency. A little gratuity goes a long long way at the bike shop. Cash or beer are customary.
Taking your bike to the shop can be a hard step for the committed and self-assured home mechanic. Before the sum of what you don’t know piles up and results in your untimely mid-club-ride death, consider my words and come to the light! Hang up your mail order toy toolset and take your bike to the pros. You deserve it. Your bike deserves it. A-Merckx.
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View Comments
@prowrench
Ha! Knew you'd blow your cover eventually, 52 weeks my arse, only those of us who own a hospitality business do those kind of hours and we don't get the weekends either, I bet you don't true both wheels on half the bikes you service everyday so my maths puts you around a mere 20 thousand wheels! I love my bike mechanic, I always take my bike in clean and apologise for its filthy state, I deliver coffee and gift beer at appropriate times, servicing is where your LBS can make a living go on give it to 'em they deserve it.
@piwakawaka
I don't think it was meant literally anyway... obviously it refers to any wheel-based activity.
@ChrisO
It's like any trade, they all want you to think it is rocket science, the real skill lies in working on 10-15 bikes a day and moving seamlessly from high end to retro cool to kids and back giving each the benefit of knowledge AND experience, most people can do all sorts of stuff, but it will take longer and perhaps may not be quite as well done, throwing out the safety line is a classic better leave it to the experts tactic.
@piwakawaka
It was a joke, Joyce...
I think the obvious lesson here is there are good mechanics, there are bad mechanics.
The problem I often find with high-end bike shops is they can be a bit like the guitar shops I used to go in back in the day, for some reason the staff thought they were above me 'cos they work in a guitar shop.
If you get the wrong feeling about a shop then give it a wide berth and move on to the next one. It's like anything, you've got to try them out until you find a good one, just don't give them your best bike to start with!
I'd like to think that no mechanic would do what I did when I built my De Rosa, I tried fitting the BB at midnight over the Christmas hols after several rather large Gin and Tonics.
I didn't realise the downtube was fouling on the bike stand at the time, next morning I spotted the inch long, deep scratch right through the logo.
I cried that day for the first time since my daughter was born...
Stay safe!
I've spent so many years wearing shoes with Boa closure systems I'm now unable to tie my own shoe laces. A professional bike mechanic warned me off buying some new Giro shoes with laces on the grounds they may be too complicated for me to adjust.
@minion
Which makes it even more disappointing when work is carried out poorly.
@Chris
I spent yesterday morning re-cabling my bike. One of my shifters got rather out of shape a few weeks ago when my son and I managed to end up in a heap on the road and I'd decided that it was a good opportunity to refresh the bar tape and cables.
Before I'd finished the job though I got told that I would have to spend some time with the family so I had to put it away before I'd tuned the gears up. The kids elected for a bike ride which meant that I chased the faster two on my BMX for 45 minutes. My youngest then decided that his bike was too small and took off on my bike leaving me to finish on foot.
Anyway, later that evening I got back into the garage to finish the job off. My two pedalwan learners came with me and started asking lots of questions. Explaining that the first task would be to check the alignment and adjustment of the front dérailleur against the chain rings, I rotated the cranks at which point we all noticed that the big ring was rather wavy to the point that one of the chain ring bolts had popped out.
It means that I'm unlikely to have a chance to get a replacement chain ring and finish the job before going to France next Monday so the new bike shop will get it's chance to impress.
@Velocitractor
Similarly i tried to install ultratorque cups on my rain frame without realising campag had moved to powertorque....no harm done but plenty of expletives whilst consuming post ride recovery beverages!
I talk to my mechanic. He guides me. He will not let me falter. I seldom make any adjustments without his advice. I always ask. After having taken his basics class, if heading into untried waters, he give me good advice. Sometimes that advice is "Leave your bike here."
Our mechanic, who art in back,
Rust-free be thy wrench.
Thy shop is clean.
Thy tips be done in basement as in shop.
Teach us this day our daily lube
And forgive us our wrenching
As we forgive those who over-wrench at home.
And lead us not into over confidence
But deliver us from WD40.
For thine is the shop bench, the knowledge and the tools
now and forever. Amen
@ChrisO
Blessed be the wheelmakers......
( its a shame you had to spoil the joke by explaining it to a numpty)