Guest Article: What You Don’t Know Will Eventually Kill You
@prowrench is throwing down the greasy gauntlet. There is truth in his words. We already understand the gap between the professional cyclist and us civilians extends somewhere over the horizon. We can ride the bikes, wear nice kit and ride the race routes but that’s about as close as we can get. No one is paying us to ride. We are not Pros. But we can work on our own bikes can’t we?
Please also see the required supplemental reading, All You Bike Pricks.
VLVV, Gianni
You got a new bike a few years ago and something magical happened. You realized that when your legs aren’t languishing under a desk at the office or basking under the blue glare of the television that, by some unknown miracle, they can propel you to astounding speeds on your bicycle. You took heart, rode some more and you got quick. You joined a club, subscribed to every magazine and every blog, you learned The Rules and quickly ascended to the ranks of the initiated cyclist. Good for you!
You, the tinkerer, are one savvy fellow. You have examined the simple steed beneath you and with your god given mechanical prowess turned a few screws, fiddled with some barrel adjusters, squirted some lube here and there and tamed a few squeaks and calmed the wild mis-shifts that embarrassed you in front of your friends. You maintain your bike, your brother-in-law’s bike, your neighbor’s bike and the kids’ bikes from the neighborhood. Fueled with a few small successes and powered by the unlimited knowledge bestowed upon you by YouTube University and several forums you are now an expert mechanic. You can turn a wrench with the best of them…right?
Let me introduce you to an idea that may not have crossed your mind: You can’t.
Before you take offense, lend me your ear and I will try to help you to comprehend the vastness of all that you don’t know. As a professional mechanic of 12 years, I would like to introduce you to the subject of bicycle maintenance repair from the point of view of the greasy handed elitists who you have come to defy and will avoid paying at all costs.
Every morning I wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed and go to work; just like you. When I get to work, however, I am greeted by the aroma of tires and a spacious shop filled with expensive specialty tools and all manner of bikes. From the wobbly beginners’ bike to the bike you wish you had but probably never will, I work on them all, every day. Your hobby is my bread and butter.
I have installed thousands upon thousands of tires and tubes and threaded countless cables through more shifters and brake levers than you can begin to imagine. I have turned a million spoke nipples and skillfully negotiated the careful equilibrium of the perfectly trued wheel more times that you have tied your shoes. I remember to meticulously check the tension of every nut and bolt on your bike with precisely calibrated torque wrenches: a thought that you wish had occurred to you and a tool you wish you had. I wrap handlebars with confidence and great care so that the tape overlaps with an even, artful twist and tightens as you grip it instead of unraveling after your first few rides. I obsessively position every component just as it ought to be because every bike deserves to be in tip top shape and it is my livelihood to make it so.
I know you think you understand how your bike works. How hard could it be right? There is nothing hidden. Your bicycle sits before you baring all and yet you could take your bike to your neighborhood shop right now and they could find a thousand things wrong with it and just as many ways to charge you in order to fix it. There is a reason for that and the explanation is on its way.
It has taken me years to hone the skills involved in my craft. I can hear when your rear derailleur hanger is out of alignment by a degree or two and that has only come after listening to thousands of derailleurs ticking away in my work stand. You may as well be stone deaf when it comes to that. I know that dropping your front derailleur a millimeter or so and twisting it out just a hair will help it decisively slam and lock your chain to the big ring in the blink of an eye. You might as well be trying to pilot a spacecraft through an asteroid field with a blindfold on. The mechanics at your local shop have paid the price for the precious knowledge which you have supposed could come so easily. Rather than beleaguer you with further examples of how I am right and you are wrong, I will endeavor to make the process of outsourcing the sacred task of maintaining your bike a smooth and painless one.
Bridging The Gap
Successfully communicating with your local mechanics will be key to finding happiness in this process. Mechanics are a fickle bunch and if you haven’t figured it out by reading thus far, some of us might be a tad egotistical and maybe a touch insecure. I will do my best to set you up for success as you repent and and take your bike in for its first much needed, legitimate service.
First, take everything that you have come to know about working on bikes and stick it in your pocket. Mechanics know how to work on bikes and they don’t care much for hearing what you think it entails. From the moment the mechanic lays eyes on your bike, seeing your terrible attempt at wrapping bars, your grossly over lubed drivetrain or the hack job that you did running and ugly web of too long or too short cables and housing all over your bike, he will know, and it will go without saying, what it is that you have been up to. Don’t be too proud of your work because it will only result in heartbreak.
Second, bear in mind that time and expertise are never on closeout and it will cost you to have the pros lay their hands on your beloved bike and resuscitate it to full health. It will be important for your mental well-being to consult with your cohorts and settle on a mechanic that everyone can agree bills repair work fairly and is worth the money that you’ll spend. Since you have been maintaining your bike, you have been letting basic things go through the cracks. The mechanic will want to fix all of these before you get your bike back so your first visit could cost a small fortune. Take heart though, because once this is out of the way, subsequent visits will consist of simple adjustments mainly and will be relatively inexpensive.
Thirdly and most importantly, be kind. I provide whatever service is due to every customer based on what they pay, even if they treat me like scum. For the nice customer however, I always go above and beyond. As the owner of my shop always says, “It is nice to be nice to the nice”. Kindness is currency but even more importantly, currency is currency. A little gratuity goes a long long way at the bike shop. Cash or beer are customary.
Taking your bike to the shop can be a hard step for the committed and self-assured home mechanic. Before the sum of what you don’t know piles up and results in your untimely mid-club-ride death, consider my words and come to the light! Hang up your mail order toy toolset and take your bike to the pros. You deserve it. Your bike deserves it. A-Merckx.
@xyxax
Or attend lectures and believe in the value of an undergraduate university education…
@DwtnBkln
While I geat your point there is a much more polite and respectful way to word your last sentence. Not funny more offensive.
Cash and beer are good gratuity as are bratwurst, and Campy shirts…right @Dan_R? Loving my mechanic!!
@ChrisO
Agree, whilst Ive welded on cracks in Grape Harvesters, changed hydraulic lines in the dark at 3am mid harvest and “put” computers togetherand capable of putting most things back together, at the end of the day, it was, and will remain, still a hack job.
Find a good mechanic that cares for your steed and leave the torque wrench in its packet !
Having said that, anyone recommend a good reputable reliable torque wrench ? (wishing to insert an emoticon here )
Quite a fun thread to read, especially after spending the last week taking UBI’s “Intro to Bicycle Maintenance”. This is after wrenching on my own bikes for the past 25 years, but knowing when to fold and take it to someone who knew what they were doing and had the right tools.
No amount of book reading and YouTube watching can replace learning at the hands of those that know what they are doing. It’s not hard, but if you don’t know the right ways, it’s hard. And possibly wrong.
As the quote goes – “Life is hard. But life is really hard if you’re stupid”.
The next two weeks of “Pro Repair and Shop Operation” is going to be mind blowing.
@Barracuda
Avoid Harbor Freight, etc.
CDI Torque is a subsidiary of Snap-On. The quality without the price, but expect to spend north of $100.
And if you really must only allow Italian engineering to touch your Campagnolo gruppo, look at the Effetto Mariposa, which you can get through REI. It handles anything you’ll need on your bike, unless you have the older 3-piece cranks.
@Barracuda
Do not buy a BBB Torqueset, I own one and wish I didn’t. It sucks.
So I’m inflating my tyres for the first ride of the season and I notice these cracks in the integrated seatmast clamp on my BMC. What I do know is they are there. What I don’t know is if they will eventually kill me. I’d like to at least get a few more months out of the bike before replacing the frame. There is a crack on each side of the clamp. Any thoughts?
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I don’t have any talent when it comes to fixing my bike. I have the best mechanic at my LBS who graciously listens to my explanation of what is happening when I ride my bike. He takes the time to try and replicate the problem so I feel assured that we are talking about the same thing. I know he makes a host of other tweaks at the same time. He test rides my bike if needed and most importantly won’t stop doing his thing until I am happy, which is usually way before he is. The best bit though- on the job cards for my bike he writes my bikes name, not the model or the other relevant info. That is personalized customer service. Can’t beat his workmanship or service. Happy to pay for the pro mechanic.
Nope. I know how to fix my bikes, I will fix my bikes, and I don’t let anybody else get their hands on them, because there are way too many people in shop aprons who should not be. I’ve had way too many flats because the trained monkey at the LBS used a screwdriver instead of a tire lever, rebuilt way too many “custom” wheels because they lost their true on every ride, flipped way too many friends’ brake pads and rebuilt way too many too tight/too loose bearings because “they’re sealed, so it doesn’t matter”, worn out too many chains because the shop didn’t have the right, non-worn out cassette in stock. Mechanics have told me that simple replacement parts don’t exist because they’re not in stock, they’ve told me to buy a new bike from them instead of fixing a spoke.
If I mess it up, I know what it is, why it happened and I’m usually waiting for it to happen. If someone else messes it up (they do and will), it makes me want to choke them. Luckily, no one else ever does anymore. If you don’t know how to fix something, learn and for Merckx’s sake buy the damn tool. It’s cheaper than paying for someone else to destroy your bike.
Also, if you’re scared of carbon or BB30 or whatever, then you shouldn’t be riding it. Harrumph.
@Marko
@Bill Yeah but look how much material is still left there. C’mon man, let me live dangerously.
@Marko
You have for the past 60 days. And came home to a complete home
@Marko warranty that sucker and of not order a Veloforma. Welcome back.
@Marko
I’ve decided to sit this post out. However, while it appears there is “a lot of material there”, it’s right up next to the spit for the seat post. Totally agree with @Bill. Don’t make a decision based on a couple of photos and the opinions of a bunch of jackholes that must be drunk on a Friday night. (welcome back. Jealous of your adventure).
An interesting perspective, but one I am afraid I don’t agree with. The article basically touts the attitude “give up hope and give it to your local wrencher”.
Personally I would say, try all you can, youtube, look on blogs and websites, hey even do that old fashioned thing of speaking to a friend or your local cycling club (if you are a member!)…GIVE IT A GO! Only by attempting, failing and doing it again do we learn.
If you get stuck, then by all means take it to your local trustworthy mechanic and ask for his help. When the bill arrives and it is the size of the GDP of a small nation, smile sweetly and say thank you in the knowledge that he has just helped you out of a hole you got yourself in to.
But NEVER just take it to your mechanic at the first sign of a challenge. That is a sure path to a lighter wallet and a lifetime of ignorance and that, sadly, is the same path of those who take their bikes to the LBS for a tyre change….
Yarp. Shock horror but most LBS customers don’t give that much of a shit about their bikes and just want to fork over notes to fix it. The commentators on this thread do fall into two categories, one are the good customers who, even if they don’t buy much or anything, you dont’ mind serving because they know a bit but they’re aware they don’t know everything, and don’t mind listening to someone else before deciding if they’re right or not.
The others are fucking engineers. Or they think they are. I had a gentleman trying to explain to me that Shimano should use a corkscrew – like drum inside their shifters to wind the cable around so there would be even tension on the cable, and all the cable strands would be under the same tension, rather than a few strands on the inside bend of the cable taking the majority of the strain which was his key complaint. He had an 8 speed drive train that he’d owned since new and, if Shimano had fixed this issue, he wouldn’t have to replace his cables every 2 years. I didn’t have the heart to tell him, I couldn’t give a flying fuck about his stupid idea and that it would be a massive pain in the hole for a bunch of different reasons, and that gear cables are pretty overbuilt for the relatively small amount of strain they are under.
Additionally, we were inside and didn’t take his sunglasses off for the 8 minutes it took to explain his retarded concept. If you do that I’m going to assume you’re a syphillitic deviant and the only thing I’m thinking of doing while you talk is waterblasting you out of the door.
@Marko Get it checked out ASAP, in my experience cracks in the paint mean cracks in the frame.
Generally, many good points made in the article and by the posters. I did find it a bit condescending though. I love to work on my bike and can take on nearly all bike related tasks competently. My bike never drops the chain while my riding partner’s often does it twice in a ride and his is maintained at the LBS. I do support them though, bought my latest bike there and I know they are good mechanics, they just don’t have the same time available that I can put into working on my bike.
Of course, some people just aren’t suited to some tasks, we live in communities and need each other at some point.
Re the BMC seatpost. Rule #5. Go to your local hardware store and find the right size hose clamp. Apply it yourself, or pay a mechanic if you must. Eddy would.
Re the warranty, that’s why they put the torque setting on the post. 5 for the upper bolt, 8 for the lower. It’s so they can blame you for tightening it too much, and knock your claim back. Disappointingly cynical, but it’s a sad fact of retail life for most.
@Marko Wasn’t there a post on @frank’s Veloforma frame article from one of The Keeper’s about how nice the frame was and how they should break their frame to warrant the purchase of same? Dreams do come true……
prowrench your one brave wrench monkey. I like your brashness and you write a pretty good bit of prose. Unfortunately I agree with you almost 100% but your missing one of the greatest things that drive the amateur like my self to defy you. I love my bike! When I can’t ride it I put it on the stand and wash it, polish, adjust it…… yes I know, I really can’t help it. The process brings me closer to my machine (the current one – I am a polygamist after all). Fortunately I know when I don’t have the right tool or the job needs the skill of the person who has done a particular task many times and will have a sure hand when dealing with my baby. Then I will go and soak up the ambience of the bike shop and wish I was a pro bike mechanic. But for the rest of the time? Only I have the time and inclination to spend hours each weekend tweaking, cleaning and adjusting (yes, yes I know – fondling). How can I live by Rules #4, #8, #11, #12, #40, 41, 45, 46, 48, 60, 65, 66…….. But man I envy your vocation and love your style!
@Marko Chapeau, quick work. Wasn’t it only a couple of days ago that you posted this?
Now you just need BMC to turn down your warranty request.
@Chris and you have the quote.
@minion
This is true but most of the LBS wrenches I’ve met don’t give much of a shit about my bikes and just want me to fork over notes and accept that their work is superior to mine.
I’ll do most things myself although I’m not great at tuning my gears and I won’t bother with jobs that require expensive tools that I’ll use less than once a year. Whilst I might make an error that’ll kill me, I’m a lot more comfortable with that than being killed by someone else when I’ve paid them not to kill me. I’m still looking for an LBS that I can place my trust in.
@prowrench I like it that you’re confident that knowledge and skill place you at the top of your game but if you spoke to me like that in your shop I’d struggle to take you seriously. I don’t need some brash fucker talking down at me, actions speak louder than words.
@il ciclista medio Whoops. I didn’t see your earlier post. Not trying to step on your toes there.
@scaler911
Why the fuck else would I do anything different? This is the reason for the whole damn site!
@rastuscat
Now this is what I’m talking about. A little enabling with a healthy Rule #5 talk. We could be friends.
@il ciclista medio
@Chris
I thought the same thing when I saw the cracks. Be ‘careful’ what you ask for I guess, eh?
I’m sure BMC won’t warranty the frame as it’s over three years old and I bet @rastuscat is correct about the torque specs. Although I did send an email but when they see it’s an @velominati addy they’ll kick into the spam folder. It boils down to a shitty design at some point. Some of you will remember this frame chewing my FSA seatpost on the Orchilles secteur at KT (shitty design + shitty component company = Marko riding Alex’s bike into Roubaix). It chewed another one since then and yes, I use a torgue wrench – on everything.
So maybe I focus on gravel riding for the rest of season and start frame shopping. Oh the hardships of first world problems.
@Chris
Actions speak louder, yet you won’t allow someone to demonstrate with action because you refuse to trust a properly trained (one would hope, anyway) mechanic. Instead, you rely on their words alone, which you also mistrust. It seems we can’t win.
He’s not talking down to anyone, but saying that there’s a time to accept that everyone has limitations, and that the smart ones know where they are and accept them for the moment. Work to better yourself, yes! Learn how to do repair and maintenance, yes!
If you won’t trust him to work on your bike, that’s okay. I’ve yet to meet a wrench who tries to force people to let them work on their bikes. By all means, do the work yourself, but don’t make it sound like the lot of mechanics are money-grubbing asses because you’ve had a bad experience. Remember, we’re paid a salary or a wage – we don’t set prices, and we don’t keep the notes you hand us.
@Marko
I remember it well. I couldn’t understand why you’d stopped for a rest there.
@V-olcano You misunderstand me again. I’m not having a go at the profession as a whole but you must accept that there are at least just as many guys out there because it’s a job that pays the bills like any other as there are people who are truly dedicated to doing the work and seek to be at the top of their profession.
I have taken mechanics on their word but I’ve yet to find one who has done a the work to a level significantly higher than I believe that I can do myself. I’m not being arrogant in saying that, I can re-cable my bike and get an adequate level of shift quality from it. If I get the same or worse from a so called pro I think I’m entitled to feel disappointed.
That may be symptomatic of the type of shops I have in the local area, fairly large outfits that also have a strong national web based offering on bikes/parts/clothing. There is a new shop not too far away that I’ve yet to try. It’s a smaller place that looks to be much more rider orientated rather than part of a large business concern. I’ll go there at the earliest opportunity.
@Chris I suppose I have – misunderstanding is one of my specialties. You are correct about there being plenty of people who are not dedicated to their chosen craft or profession. It’s too bad, but completely true. I wouldn’t call most of those people professionals, though.
As far as doing the work yourself, for most jobs there isn’t going to be a huge difference in feel between the way you do it and the way I do. Cables are either routed and tensioned properly or not. There isn’t really middle ground. Now, whether they were greased before running (assuming a non-teflon housing sleeve), are cut to the proper length, are stretched before final adjustment, and are silent are something else. Can you do this? Probably. The real skill comes in to more detailed things, like bar tape (wrapped tightly, in the proper direction, evenly , and taped off properly) and loose bearing adjustment, which take countless repeats to get “just right.” It’s not that most people don’t have the ability – it’s that they don’t have the patience to build the skill to get it right in the first few tries.
I hope the new shop is the real deal and earns both your trust and respect. VLVV!
Way, way off topic, but the best description of our sport that I’ve seen for our friends that know fuck all about cycling:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-ways-tour-de-france-awesome-if-you-ignore-bikes/
@Marko I’d get that to a BMC dealer and have them weigh in. Sometimes on other brands that I have experience with, cracking paint does not always constitute danger. Carbon fibre is often more flexible than the paint on top of it, so cracking may appear in the paint over time.
@prowrench A good idea for sure. A point of clarification – the crack is on the aluminum lug. This bike has alu lugs which is perhaps a bit more concerning than a crack in cf.
@ped My experience with neutering canines in extremely limited. I would almost certainly botch the job.
@Chris I believe you have misunderstood my intention here, The tone of the article surely comes across a pretty brash.. and I very well may be a fucker, but my customers’ bikes have always left clean, quiet and dialed to the nth degree. If you think for a moment that I would stand behind the counter and explain to my customers why I should work on their bike and they shouldn’t, you are mistaken.
This article airs a decade or grievance with homus mechanicus; the club guy who comes friday night demanding immediate service for his Saturday ride because he is all thumbs and has somehow botched his whole drivetrain. Are you that guy?
I absolutely agree with everything said in this article. Normal people simply can’t fathom the amount of experience and intuition that good professional mechanics have, which might be why some think they know better. I am aware that a good professional mechanic will do a much better job working on my bike than I will, but here is what has scared me off:
A friend and I took our bikes in to a LBS to have some minor work done. Being a mechanical engineer, I am a bit of a nerd and after looking at all of the bike-candy I went over to watch the mechanic and check out all of the cool specialty tools he had. What I saw next has scarred me. This man was tightening the seatpost clamp on a carbon seatpost…without a torque wrench. I asked him if he had a torque wrench and he responded he could just feel it. Anyone who is familiar with the failure characteristics of carbon fiber will understand why I did what I did next. I immediately turned around in horror and blasted out of the bike shop with my beloved steed and swore to never have anyone but myself service my bike ever again.
This admittedly was a bit of an overreaction, but I will leave with this warning. Make sure that the mechanic fixing your bike is like the one writing this article and not the one tightening sensitive carbon components without a torque wrench
Great points all around, however as already noted, availability of quality mechanics is not a luxury all of us have immediate access to. In a previous life, wrenching at the LBS for a few years taught all the basics. As life progressed, and with the acquisition of a nice selection (read necessary) of the Park catalog, it became normal for this now amateur wrench to evolve from the Olmo steel, thru the Vitus rage, the noodle 2300 (but hey, it came fully loaded with the cutting edge Ulterga STI!), SpecialEd aluminum yada, yada, yada…to the full carbon rigs. And 4 (including the Park, at the time cutting edge, TW1) torque wrenches.
@frank If I had as many quid in the bank as a certain popular american female bike racer people around here seem to be so thrilled with, yeah…I’d likely be a little more talented at uphill sprints. Funny how having money buys you time to do other things. You know…like ride a Fucking Bike. But…we’ve had this discussion. And we’ve all agreed not to ever speak of it again.
I really would be curious to know how many pros do anything with their bikes. Very top level guys likely never need to.
An interesting piece here: http://bicycling.com/blogs/boulderreport/2013/08/09/the-demise-of-the-shadetree-mechanic/
Reverence where due, but no further.
Take the time to get it right, or take it to the shop.
If that Park tool will never come close to paying for itself, take it to the shop.
When you are in over your head, stop what you are doing and take it to the shop.
Do not expect immediate service if you take it to the shop.
Other than that, I’ve got the requisite tools, skills, and apparently bad attitude necessary to wrench, clean, and preen my own ride.
Its all about the passion.
Either you have the passion to really learn and work on your bike, or you find a LBS engineer who has the passion. Or a combination of both. Its all good, but you need the passion to do things properly and lovingly. I like to tinker on the simple jobs, but would love to meet an excellent local engineer. As Frank says, more to talk bikes than anything else.
There is an excellent part in Pirsigs book, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle maintenance about why and how he works on his bike. The things that suck his gumption (ooer missus) and how he combats these frustrations. Long read but worth the journey.
@Marko
This is so fucking right on the money. All of it.
Thank the fuck Merckx you came back out the other end of that trip into the V Secteur alive and are back.
@eightzero
I don’t care how much money you have and how much you can ride your bike, you would still suck. BOOM!
Money didn’t put Vos in the hurt locker so profoundly that she almost crashed coming over the line.
I’m trying to learn more about maintaining and fixing my own bike but am still happy to hand things over to the pros the moment I find myself out of my element.
The other day I had a persistent squeek coming out of the rear of the drive train. Chain was lubed the day previously so I was reasonably certain that it must be the pulleys. I took them both apart – cleaned, lubed and reassembled only to find that the squeek was still there.
Okay…time to take it in. They took my bike in the back and returned with it about 13 seconds later…
“Yeah, your chain was dry as a bone…I lubed her up and she’s quiet as a mouse now”!
I started to mumble something about having lubed the chain the day before but in the end decided upon a quick exit.
I may be at least partially responsible for bike mechanics thinking that we’re idiots…
@eightzero
Quid? Are you a Brit? I always thought you were American. You certainly display the politics of envy rather well which in itself is a very British trait. Sorry fellow Brits but its true. I am not thrilled with Evelyn Stevens, I just think its unfair that you discriminate against her because of her supposed wealth. On behalf of rich arse holes everywhere I am offended at this kind of wealth discrimination. Good day to you sir!
ps. Frank is right, if all it took was time and money I’d be faster than motorcus by now. Instead I just suck.
@prowrench In that context you come off a less of a fucker but no I’m not that guy. I may have fucked up my own work and taken it into the lbs to get it sorted but I’ll hold up my hands and say I fucked it up and I won’t demand anyone’s schedule is rejigged to suit mine.
At the end of the day though, I work on my bike because I enjoy it, it relaxes me in an almost zen like manner and it brings me closer to my bike. I don’t expect to be patted on the back for that but I don’t expect to be talked down to either.
@kixsand
Have done similar. Put it down to a learning experience. BTW, don’t share your learning experiences, they make you look like a numpty. Ask me, I know.
@prowrench
Case in point, chain stays at the bottom bracket lug on a Colnago C50. Both my ‘stays had “cracks” after taking out some very stubborn Shimano external bb cups. Once the paint was sanded off, the “cracks” were gone. I got lucky…
@Chris
Exactly. +1 Chris.
So, under the same premise of the article I should give up being a home chef and go out to a restaurant whenever I want a nice dinner?
@gravity bob ha ha. don’t cook, it might kill you. and now for some breakfast.