If we liked breathing stale, recycled air, we’d all take up a sport like wrestling or indoor fly-fishing. But we love the feel of a gale on our faces. We cherish the smell of cow manure filling our nostrils with its almost tangible grittiness. We hold scared the privilege to breathe in diesel fuel while doing hill repeats up l’Alpe d’Huez.
But such whimsy is not for every day. Occasionally, we find ourselves faced with the prospect of an hour of solitude upon the wind trainer or rollers, where our sport is transformed from a glorious experience of powering ourselves along with only Nature for company to one where a ride of 30 minutes is barely tolerable, 45 seems like a lifetime wasted, and 60 minutes is more than most of us can even consider enduring. 60 minutes on the trainer at a leisurely pace or a 4 and a half hour death march up a barren, heat-riddled climb? I’ll take the 4 and half hours every time, thank you very much.
We all have to do it, and there are even some redeeming qualities to be had. You get better at Rule #5, for one. You develop a more magnificent stroke, for another. Whatever the redeeming qualities, we all have our way of coping. Jeff in PetroMetro returns with his view on how to make it suck just a little bit less.
Yours in Cycling,
Frank
—
Either due to life-threatening weather or poor scheduling of life’s lesser priorities (see Rule #11), we Velominati spend a little time each year riding indoors. Whether one enjoys a ride on rollers or a trainer, and no matter if one methodically spins (as all good recovery ride specialists do), grinds out intervals, or practices ways to improve one’s magnificent stroke (scrape the mud off your shoes, scrape the mud off your shoes…), death-by-boredom is always a possibility. I’m not one to go for videos, or read books, or hook up to a computer. Call me old fashioned. I like to meditate on the V with only the voices inside my head screaming for mercy from the pain of a complete lactic acid meltdown.
Or, sometimes I like a little music.
Back in the Dark Ages, I used the yellow (sweatproof) Sony Walkman to play my favorite homemade training cassette tapes. But in our modern days of inexpensive digital storage, and with the brilliant invention of the “shuffle” command on my iPod Nano, I have some seven hours of musical motivation to keep my indoor sessions lively and loud.
I thought I might start a little conversation regarding favorite training tunes. Now, I know ALL of my fellow Velominati strictly adhere to Rule #62 when riding outside. And of course, we prefer strict adherence to Rule #9, but, as I stated above, shit happens.
While I have eclectic taste, I don’t fancy Al Green, Buck Owens, or Duke Ellington when loving a Rule #5 beatdown. No. I tack to the loud and fast. My preferences are punk and “classic rock”. (It was just rock when I first heard it.) So here’s a little flavor of my indoor training selection, in no particular order.
Hate to Say I Told You So“”The Hives””from the album “Your New Favourite Band”
Tick Tick Boom“”The Hives””from the album “The Black and White Album”
American Idiot“”Green Day””from the album “American Idiot”
The Rock Show“”Blink 182″”from the album “Take Off Your Pants and Jacket”
I Fought the Law (Live)””The Clash””from the album “The Clash: Live at Shea Stadium”
Batman Theme“”The Jam””from the album “In the City”
Communication Breakdown“”Led Zeppelin””from the album “Led Zeppelin”
The Real Me“”The Who””from the album “Quadrophenia”
Rock Around the Clock“”Ten Pole Tudor””from the album “The Great Rock’n’Roll Swindle”
Of course there are many, many others. But I offer these few picks-to-click to perhaps start a little discussion and get some musical ideas for my next indoor shopping spree at the V and Dime.
A-Merckx
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View Comments
@ChrisO
Nice.
@G'phant
@frank how about a special hardman's jersey symbol for feats of masochism that would cause even Jens to raise an eyeborw to?
In five hours on a trainer my mind would have planted so many niggling little thoughts that time would have slowed to halt and I'd have been destroyed. (On my early morning ride yesterday, I passed within a couple miles of a small zoo which in the fog and dark managed to get a negative thought seeded. I'm sure my heart rate droped a beat or two and my stroke improved as I left the area behind. A couple of years ago I did see a large dog sized cat cross a road with it's diner hanging from it's mouth still wriggling)
I'm really getting into the rollers the last couple of weeks - I can get my interval sessions done even when my wife is away with work. I'm beginning to feel much more comfortable on them but certainly haven't got to the point of extracting and replacing bidons. Standing would be a fine skill but I'm not sure that there's enough resistance on mine. Would also love to get to the point of being able to extract my waterproof from a jersey pocket and don it. That would look properly pro.
@Chris
Don't forget to set up the video recorder in advance of that one Chris!
@Dr C
I think not, if the insurance companies were able to connect my claim for a new kitchen to my claim for a new bike I might be left slightly out of pocket. I've already managed to put the back wheel through a kitchen unit door!
First day back at work after the Spanish expedition? How are the malingerers?
@Chris
Sadly back to porridge, and it is coming in thick and fast..... (or more accurately thick and lazy)
Outrageous multitasking dude - not only are you minding the children whilst training, but you are also trying to prepare their dinner for them too - I see a TV opportunity....
@ChrisO - could be a whole new angle for the TV chef shows, whilst also highlighting the joys of our beloved sport - any potential there?
@Dr C
Donning a rain cape is nothing compared to flipping pancakes or icing a cake while knocking out 2 x 20s on the rollers. I draw the line at flambé though!
No, the home 'puta (note apostrophe) is in the kitchen and the work top is an ideal height for the fan. It's also the furthest point from the kids bedrooms so they won't be woken by either the sound of the kitchen being smashed to pieces by bike and rider or the street talk from The Wire!
Women are right, men cannot multi-task. What they fail to realise is that Multi-tasking is merely a euphemism for "doing two or more tasks badly".
@Dr C
I heard on the radio that GP's will no longer have sole responsibility for signing the permanently feckless off from work in the UK. Permanent disability will be assessed by a panel and they expect that 1 in 5 recipients will be able to to return to work. I have volunteered my services for this work but believe a success rate of 4 out of 5 scroungers being made ineligible for any such payments is achievable.
@mcsqueak
In fact, it was your mention of this in an earlier post which became a voice in my head (one of many) saying "don't get the cheap stuff." I'm guessing you have the Travel Trac?
And seeing as how yesterday we dipped into our savings to get my wife her first road bike (2012 CAAD 10: Ultegra, Mavic Aksium), we are in the spendthrift phase of the scrimp and splurge merry-go-round of budgetus velominatus, so I am going with the Kreitler's, a la @ Buck Rogers. Just have to decide on the 2.25 vs 3.0 drum size.
@G'phant
My roller experience is limited to 5 sessions on the Kreilters but I can defintiely get a good leg burn on them. Just increase the gears while riding and the legs really start to burn. Speed will build up into the high 40's kph during intervals on those things. Man, they ROCK! They are actually quieter than my KK Pro stationary trainer as well.
I have the red anodized 2.25 Dyno Myte rollers and I defintiely get a great workout.
From the website: "The 2.25" diameter drums of the Kreitler Alloy 2.25 Rollers provide the greatest resistance of any Kreitler unit simply because they have the smallest diameter. They're ideal for super fit riders who love to punish themselves when training indoors.
Like the Alloy 3.0 Rollers, these are built with modular technology so they're compatible with the Killer Headwind fan unit. That said, you'd have to be a beast to need it. One important benefit of the smaller drums is that they're lighter, and this unit is more compact and portable than the 3.0 rollers. All Kreitler Rollers have a lifetime warranty."
Great to know that I am "Super fit" and a "Beast"! At least according to Kreitler! :)