If we liked breathing stale, recycled air, we’d all take up a sport like wrestling or indoor fly-fishing. But we love the feel of a gale on our faces. We cherish the smell of cow manure filling our nostrils with its almost tangible grittiness. We hold scared the privilege to breathe in diesel fuel while doing hill repeats up l’Alpe d’Huez.
But such whimsy is not for every day. Occasionally, we find ourselves faced with the prospect of an hour of solitude upon the wind trainer or rollers, where our sport is transformed from a glorious experience of powering ourselves along with only Nature for company to one where a ride of 30 minutes is barely tolerable, 45 seems like a lifetime wasted, and 60 minutes is more than most of us can even consider enduring. 60 minutes on the trainer at a leisurely pace or a 4 and a half hour death march up a barren, heat-riddled climb? I’ll take the 4 and half hours every time, thank you very much.
We all have to do it, and there are even some redeeming qualities to be had. You get better at Rule #5, for one. You develop a more magnificent stroke, for another. Whatever the redeeming qualities, we all have our way of coping. Jeff in PetroMetro returns with his view on how to make it suck just a little bit less.
Yours in Cycling,
Frank
—
Either due to life-threatening weather or poor scheduling of life’s lesser priorities (see Rule #11), we Velominati spend a little time each year riding indoors. Whether one enjoys a ride on rollers or a trainer, and no matter if one methodically spins (as all good recovery ride specialists do), grinds out intervals, or practices ways to improve one’s magnificent stroke (scrape the mud off your shoes, scrape the mud off your shoes…), death-by-boredom is always a possibility. I’m not one to go for videos, or read books, or hook up to a computer. Call me old fashioned. I like to meditate on the V with only the voices inside my head screaming for mercy from the pain of a complete lactic acid meltdown.
Or, sometimes I like a little music.
Back in the Dark Ages, I used the yellow (sweatproof) Sony Walkman to play my favorite homemade training cassette tapes. But in our modern days of inexpensive digital storage, and with the brilliant invention of the “shuffle” command on my iPod Nano, I have some seven hours of musical motivation to keep my indoor sessions lively and loud.
I thought I might start a little conversation regarding favorite training tunes. Now, I know ALL of my fellow Velominati strictly adhere to Rule #62 when riding outside. And of course, we prefer strict adherence to Rule #9, but, as I stated above, shit happens.
While I have eclectic taste, I don’t fancy Al Green, Buck Owens, or Duke Ellington when loving a Rule #5 beatdown. No. I tack to the loud and fast. My preferences are punk and “classic rock”. (It was just rock when I first heard it.) So here’s a little flavor of my indoor training selection, in no particular order.
Hate to Say I Told You So“”The Hives””from the album “Your New Favourite Band”
Tick Tick Boom“”The Hives””from the album “The Black and White Album”
American Idiot“”Green Day””from the album “American Idiot”
The Rock Show“”Blink 182″”from the album “Take Off Your Pants and Jacket”
I Fought the Law (Live)””The Clash””from the album “The Clash: Live at Shea Stadium”
Batman Theme“”The Jam””from the album “In the City”
Communication Breakdown“”Led Zeppelin””from the album “Led Zeppelin”
The Real Me“”The Who””from the album “Quadrophenia”
Rock Around the Clock“”Ten Pole Tudor””from the album “The Great Rock’n’Roll Swindle”
Of course there are many, many others. But I offer these few picks-to-click to perhaps start a little discussion and get some musical ideas for my next indoor shopping spree at the V and Dime.
A-Merckx
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View Comments
@brett
+1
@Marcus
Ah, they became Boo Boo and Mace...
"60 minutes on the trainer leisurely pace or a 4 and a half hour death march up a barren, heat-riddled climb? I'll take the 4 and half hours every time, thank you very much."
*Every* fucking time. Can't emphasize this enough. For me, I resort to the trainer only when I really really can't stand it anymore in the deepest dark of the winter. And even then, I have to set it up in front of a hockey game, so as to so engage my eyes and brain with something else. Telling them this is for my legs and cardio system is only met with "really? you're riding a bike in the middle of your own living room?" Yeah, shut up, legs.
live by rule 5!!
@Marcus
What the fuck are indoor trainers? Rollers are the way. Put yourself in a door jam, and start pedaling. Just hope you don't come off and launch into your new plasma screen. Gives you something else to think about besides how riding indoors sucks. Besides, anyone here have a video of Merckx riding a 'trainer'? Nope.
@scaler911
coming off your rollers and going forward is a fucking myth. From firsthand experience I can tell you that you fall to the side.
And a few tips for any wannabe rollers out there:
1. It is a hazardous exercise to sit on rollers in the darkness of a mate's home cinema room.
2. If you can't obey 1, when said mate says, "Check out Jessica Biel's tits. They are awesome.", by all means take a look, but don't look longingly for 5 plus minutes and lose concentration on what you are meant to be doing.
3. If you can't obey 2, when you inevitably fall, try not to fall on mate's kid's plastic toy that gives you a puncture wound that gets infected.
I don't blame Jessica though.
Ugh, I hate my rollers. And the ones I bought are so damn loud. Blah. 45 minutes on those feels like e.t.e.r.n.i.t.y. I may try and grab a used trainer (I hear 1-Up trainers are very quiet, har) this winter.
I tried watching TV, and it made me feel weird to focus on a flat screen with moving objects on it while I myself was moving about, yet not going anyplace.
I also tried the podcast thing. I found it hard to focus on what the people were saying, and I'd get done with my roller session not remembering what the podcast was about.
@brett
+1 to Vegas - too bad about the rest of their subsequent albums being absolute garbage (IMHO).
Also ++1 to Kraftwerk, which has been mentioned here by myself and tons of other folks. My pops had an original print of Autobahn on vinyl, which is how I discovered them in my youth.
Am I going to be the only one who brings up Skinny Puppy? Yes?
@scaler911
And you can't help but have a more magnificent stroke and much better handling skills if you spend time on rollers. And the skinny drums--that shit hurts.
@mcsqueak
Minus infinity to Kraftwerk
JiPM, fucking brilliant. "The Real Me" is an inspired choice. The drivetrain of Keith Moon and John Entwistle is, at its best, unmatched.
To keep the pedals turning over:
'Cross the breeze, Sonic Youth, Daydream Nation.
I heard you looking, Yo La Tango, Painful.
Stars, Hum, You'd prefer an Astronaut.
For the recovery spin:
Protection, Massive Attack, Protection.
And just because he's Belgian:
Ne me quitte pas, Jacques Brel