Categories: Guest Article

Indoors at the V and Dime

If we liked breathing stale, recycled air, we’d all take up a sport like wrestling or indoor fly-fishing. But we love the feel of a gale on our faces. We cherish the smell of cow manure filling our nostrils with its almost tangible grittiness. We hold scared the privilege to breathe in diesel fuel while doing hill repeats up l’Alpe d’Huez.

But such whimsy is not for every day. Occasionally, we find ourselves faced with the prospect of an hour of solitude upon the wind trainer or rollers, where our sport is transformed from a glorious experience of powering ourselves along with only Nature for company to one where a ride of 30 minutes is barely tolerable, 45 seems like a lifetime wasted, and 60 minutes is more than most of us can even consider enduring. 60 minutes on the trainer at a leisurely pace or a 4 and a half hour death march up a barren, heat-riddled climb? I’ll take the 4 and half hours every time, thank you very much. 

We all have to do it, and there are even some redeeming qualities to be had.  You get better at Rule #5, for one. You develop a more magnificent stroke, for another. Whatever the redeeming qualities, we all have our way of coping.  Jeff in PetroMetro returns with his view on how to make it suck just a little bit less.

Yours in Cycling,

Frank

Either due to life-threatening  weather or poor scheduling of life’s lesser priorities (see Rule #11), we Velominati spend a little time each year riding indoors.  Whether one enjoys a ride on rollers or a trainer, and no matter if one methodically spins (as all good recovery ride specialists do), grinds out intervals, or practices ways to improve one’s magnificent stroke (scrape the mud off your shoes, scrape the mud off your shoes…), death-by-boredom is always a possibility.  I’m not one to go for videos, or read books, or hook up to a computer.  Call me old fashioned. I like to meditate on the V with only the voices inside my head screaming for mercy from the pain of a complete lactic acid meltdown.

Or, sometimes I like a little music.

Back in the Dark Ages, I used the yellow (sweatproof) Sony Walkman to play my favorite homemade training cassette tapes.  But in our modern days of inexpensive digital storage, and with the brilliant invention of the “shuffle” command on my iPod Nano, I have some seven hours of musical motivation to keep my indoor sessions lively and loud.

I thought I might start a little conversation regarding favorite training tunes.  Now, I know ALL of my fellow Velominati strictly adhere to Rule #62 when riding outside.  And of course, we prefer strict adherence to Rule #9, but, as I stated above, shit happens.

While I have eclectic taste, I don’t fancy Al Green, Buck Owens, or Duke Ellington when loving a Rule #5 beatdown.  No.  I tack to the loud and fast.  My preferences are punk and “classic rock”. (It was just rock when I first heard it.)  So here’s a little flavor of my indoor training selection, in no particular order.

Hate to Say I Told You So“”The Hives””from the album “Your New Favourite Band”

Tick Tick Boom“”The Hives””from the album “The Black and White Album”

American Idiot“”Green Day””from the album “American Idiot”

The Rock Show“”Blink 182″”from the album “Take Off Your Pants and Jacket”

I Fought the Law (Live)””The Clash””from the album “The Clash:  Live at Shea Stadium”

Batman Theme“”The Jam””from the album “In the City”

Communication Breakdown“”Led Zeppelin””from the album “Led Zeppelin”

The Real Me“”The Who””from the album “Quadrophenia”

Rock Around the Clock“”Ten Pole Tudor””from the album “The Great Rock’n’Roll Swindle”

Of course there are many, many others.  But I offer these few picks-to-click to perhaps start a little discussion and get some musical ideas for my next indoor shopping spree at the V and Dime.

A-Merckx

Jeff in Big D

Just another middle-aged cycling twatwaffle. Raced road, track, and a little cyclo-cross from 1985-1990. Currently ride 250km+ per week (in my mind). The older I get, the better I was.

View Comments

  • @Steampunk

    @xyxax
    Is that a burlap sack you're bidding? It's hard to tell with the money in the way.

    Well, sort of. They're my artisanal bib shorts. Chafes a bit, but I am comforted in knowing that another lycra tree has been spared.

  • @xyxax
    Lemme guess:
    You bought them in a Hipster craft market in Portland alond with the leather handlebar grips and the frame pump with the eco-friendly bamboo handle.

  • @mouse
    Like, totally correct.
    They are made by free-range humans of 100% hemp and sold under the brand Assols.
    And at 10 trillion dollars, not more expensive than regular Assos.

  • I should also mention that since I moved 600 miles south last January I have only ridden my rollers when visiting my parents at holiday time. These days I just pull on the wool and head out year round. I'm still not completely sold on this set-up though: yes, rollers suck, but so does 115*F for weeks at a time...

  • I just put two 70min days in in a row on the trainer. Pure delight.

    I did get down to the bike shop yesterday to look at a new ride though.

  • When trying to crank out a painful session of intervals in the dead of winter, nothing beats listening to metal. Usually I make a playlist that's something like
    Motorhead or Judas Priest, some classic mid tempo metal
    one minute blast of grindcore or powerviolence and try to spin out the biggest gear I can the whole time.
    Keep the pressure on with uptempo song that keeps me spinning a big gear- Cro Mags works.
    Recover to Black Sabbath
    Blast of grindcore
    Repeat.
    Honestly, I love the site, but you really think the V is channeled listening to Blink 182? Go get the album "West Side Horizons" by Despise You and put it in with your usual playlist and chew on your bars a little bit.

  • JIPM... As a regular commuter to turbo trainer he'll, great article

    I have to confess I'm a DVD watcher whilst I suffer... But cycling related only... Old TdF races, the classics, Chasing Legends, a Sunday in he'll, etc.

    However, will try your playlist and see how that pans out.. Given after 20mins I've usually got sweat in my eyes, all I really do is listen to Messrs Liggett and Sherwen anyway (audio porn, basically). However, I would add one more to the playlist... Bulls on Parade, by Rage Against The Machine... Has to be worth at least 45w for the 3:29 duration?

    And love the photo of the Prophet on his rollers... The single YouTube clip I use with my buddies as a 'Sorting Hat' to work out whether I can talk cycle-speak with them or if I have to pretend to be human

  • Did anyone mention Pennwise already?
    "Fight Till You Die" for track cycling cadence!

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Jeff in Big D

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