Categories: In Memoriam

In Memoriam: Unsafe Headgear

I appreciate my helmet. I treat it with respect. I never leave for a ride without it. I replace it after a crash or even after helplessly watching it bound down the stairwell like some kind of deformed styrofoam slinky-dink after allowing it to slip from my grasp. (This activity also typically involves some assertions questioning what it does in its spare time, its origins of birth, and things of that nature.) Community member @chaz also recently suggested that, in accordance with motorcycle tradition, we ceremoniously cut the strap on the helmet and hang it in the VVorkshop in deference to the purpose it served us.

Suffice to say, I’m grateful for the advances technology offers us when it comes to protective headgear, because staying alive is in alignment with my strategy. But progress is the slayer of ritual and tradition, and I can’t help but look back longingly to the days when helmets were rarely worn and if they were, they consisted of thin strips of leather that, assuming it stayed on, would do little more than keep your cranium from coming apart after cracking it to bits on a cobblestone or some such object.

The hairnet was the coolest cranial accouterment ever designed, with the insulated cycling cap that fit over it being a close second. The cycling cap on its own was, of course, also a class piece of kit to be worn forwards, sideways, or backwards – made cooler only by perching a set of cycling-specific shades on top of it. A helmetless head saw hair slicked back by the wind as a byproduct of the V as riders raised their arms in triumph over the finish line. The bare noggin on the high mountain passes was a beacon of Purified Awesome, allowing us to see in all their glory the suffering faces of the riders as they moved sur la plaque over the summit.

Take a moment, fellow Velominati, to honor the Useless Headgear of our past.

[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Headgear/”]

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Marcus says:

Dec 20 2011 at 3:23 pm

Lighten up everybody. I hate to admit it, but Minion is right. No one will change anyone else's mind on this topic so let it go. However, to finish the discussion, I have two times one thousand words in favor of helmets.

1. She wears one.

2. And so does Gianni
mcsqueak says:

Dec 20 2011 at 3:35 pm

@Marcus

Is that another one of your dude-dressed-as-a-lady models? Where is @Scaler911 when you need someone to tell them apart?
frank says:

Dec 20 2011 at 3:40 pm

@mcsqueak
@Scaler911 can't tell us if it's a man or woman. All he can do is tell us if the individual turns him on or not. The process is that we then tell HIM if its a male or female and then we mock him based on the results and his reaction.
Marcus says:

Dec 20 2011 at 3:44 pm

@mcsqueak

@Marcus
Is that another one of your dude-dressed-as-a-lady models? Where is @Scaler911 when you need someone to tell them apart?

Mate - its a fucking chihuahua. Not sure of the gender.
gaswepass says:

Dec 20 2011 at 4:07 pm

@Oli

@gaswepass
Helmets do sweet FA to protect people hit by cars and they are only really small protection against minor impacts. Most head injury fatalities would have occurred with or without a helmet, and people who trust that their helmet is somehow going to protect them from a car impact need to think again.
If you show me your damaged helmet claiming it saved your life when you were hit by a car or crashed, I just think your number wasn't up and that you were lucky.

Ok. There is pseudo science and then there's what we know. Can we be done now? Was done before, just addressed the study as it was a big deal at the time since it was local and dear to the residents of the people's republic of Portland. Hope that part was helpful.
sgt says:

Dec 20 2011 at 4:11 pm

@frank
The doggie's kind of doing it for me... is that wrong?
scaler911 says:

Dec 20 2011 at 4:12 pm

@mcsqueak

@Marcus
Is that another one of your dude-dressed-as-a-lady models? Where is @Scaler911 when you need someone to tell them apart?

@frank

@mcsqueak
@Scaler911 can't tell us if it's a man or woman. All he can do is tell us if the individual turns him on or not. The process is that we then tell HIM if its a male or female and then we mock him based on the results and his reaction.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vF8vZM-O3hc
scaler911 says:

Dec 20 2011 at 4:13 pm

@scaler911

@mcsqueak

@Marcus
Is that another one of your dude-dressed-as-a-lady models? Where is @Scaler911 when you need someone to tell them apart?

@frank

@mcsqueak
@Scaler911 can't tell us if it's a man or woman. All he can do is tell us if the individual turns him on or not. The process is that we then tell HIM if its a male or female and then we mock him based on the results and his reaction.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vF8vZM-O3hc

Sure, then it doesn't let me imbed it. Fuck all..........
scaler911 says:

Dec 20 2011 at 4:16 pm

Right middle finger "I", left middle finger "E". I'm going to put on my helmet and have a beer.
Chris says:

Dec 20 2011 at 4:21 pm

@sgt

That woman dressed as a sheep had a similar effect on me the other day. Definitely wrong.