The Kapelmuur in January. Photo thenews.com

Wellington isn’t renown for its great summers; a mate is always quick to remind me that if the weather was perfect all the time, everyone would want to live here and we’d be overrun by Aucklanders (just like Aussies but not quite dumb enough to live in Canberra). As our summer goes into its last death throes of amazingly calm, sunny, cloudless days, the arm warmers and undershirt have only just emerged from their longest hibernation ever. And I probably won’t need them for tomorrow’s ride either.

Come next Monday, however, I’ll be on the other side of the world and months of unzipped jerseys and SPF30 will be but a memory; a cold, wet, distant memory. And I have to say I’m almost looking forward to it with a strange enthusiasm and a hint of romanticism. Almost. No amount of fitness gleaned from training in perfect weather can prepare one for the rigours of a Belgian spring.

We know how the body will react when it is pulled from its warm cocoon and plunged into an icy bath. How the mind will handle it is a bigger concern. We can prepare ourselves physically to the nth degree, but if we’re mentally inept then the sag wagon becomes a likely option. At which point something deep inside takes over, thought processes return to normal and the mere thought of getting off the bike is quickly and methodically banished. Not here, not now.

Let the hardmen be hardmen, let it rain and blow and the cobbles turn to mud when they grace these roads. But Merckx have mercy on a fair-weather soul, even if only for a few selected days. Let our Flandrian Best suffice and our tubulars have sure grip on dry stones. Failing that, at least keep us upright and we will drink a toast to you night after night.

Bring it on.

It’s not too late to book a spot on the Keepers Tour 2013 and make your own history.

Brett

Don't blame me

View Comments

  • @wiscot Crappy is being too nice. It was 7 degrees F on my house thermometer this morning, with a high of about 23 F today. As a fellow Wisconsinite, I say this is fucking January weather. While I still intend to hop on my two wheeled steed this weekend with temps in the low to mid 30's and windchills around 25 F, (bloody 'ell!) I will do it because any more time spent on the trainer will cause complete and utter despair. By the way, dude that won Dwars Door Vlannderen is about the only hardman that can truly invoke Rule 5 on any level.  Hey Tommke, take note!

  • As much as I dream of making a KT, this would not be a good year to try such.  After a winter of discontent I've finally started to wedge the Selle Italia SLR Carbone between the ol' arse cheeks on a regular basis now.  However, after a couple of rides sans booties and full finger gloves it seems that winter is doing an encore 'round these parts.  That;s fine though because I actually like riding in cold weather kit more than the "dime a dozen" kits of summer because one definitely looks more PRO when wearing their Flandrian Best.

  • @frank

    What does the expression, "prepare ourselves physically to the nth degree" try to convey. Is the convention to assume a high value for n? But if n is zero and you prepare to that degree, you've not prepared at all.

    Or, are we talking degrees of a sphere or ciricle? If so, depending on your goal, is the assumption that you try to get n to be as close to 180 as possible?

    I'm so confused.

    Could it be conveying that you are giving training 110% yet, don't want to sound quite as cliched as a woozy headed lineman giving an interview while sporting nothing but a towel?

  • @Gianni

    @mcsqueak

    Neither, they are self-motivated. They seem to know where to go. My wife saw them as she was driving into town and was so surprised to see men in v-kits that she had to stop find out more information. There are only 5 v-kit owners on Maui, total, me and wife included so to see another pair is big news.

    I've never seen a Velominatus in the wild. I wonder when it will happen?

    We need a Lexicon entry to describe the lingering intrigue while aboard one of the n+1's regarding whether or not today will be the day. Will they have a EMPS? Faux denim bibs with their Zwarte jersey?

  • @brett

    @frank

    What does the expression, "prepare ourselves physically to the nth degree" try to convey. Is the convention to assume a high value for n? But if n is zero and you prepare to that degree, you've not prepared at all.

    Or, are we talking degrees of a sphere or ciricle? If so, depending on your goal, is the assumption that you try to get n to be as close to 180 as possible?

    I'm so confused.

    Correct.

    If the 3rd degree is the most severe grade of metaphorical degrees in common language (3rd degree burns or your mums interrogation to the 3rd degree when you were a nipper), then surely the Velominatus aspires to the 5th degree of preperation?

  • @Ron

    I've never seen a Velominatus in the wild. I wonder when it will happen?

    It would be fun to have a page to post all sightings on. It has to happen more and more. Frank keeps selling the kits to someone! Our numbers grow. 

  • @ChrisO

    @tessar

    @ChrisO Halloumi! The one place (other than Greece) where this heavenly cheese is actually affordable.

    Now that you mention it, the halloumi sitting in my fridge is from Cyprus, but I can't say I've ever thought it was expensive - we get it pretty easily and cheaply here. I always have some around. Maybe the Arabs are trying to starve you out.

    I do love it - grilled, on manaeesh flatbread with zataar spices. Cypriot food is mostly the same as Lebanese from what I can see.

    Zaatar cheesy bread! One of my all time favourite snacks, though my version features sharp cheddar on whatever 'good' bread is in the house. Zaatar is the greatest spice mix ever, toss onto salad, stir into spaghetti sauce, grill on bread.... drool.

  • Velominati, havent' been around these parts for a while - been out riding instead.  

    Although off topic (and I'm not sure if he already mentioned it, - suspect not)  Marcus will be taking part in his first full Ironman this weekend (Sunday morning) in Melbourne, 'Stralia. 

    For the uneducated that is (a) a fvcking long swim followed by (b) a very fvcking long bike ride (180km) followed by a full marathon (42km).  We have a small wager going which I expect to lose that he wouldn't make the start line (he will).  Getting to the finish is another matter.

    Although as we all know a bike ride should never be preceded by a swim, this is nevertheless pretty huge.

    You can follow his progress online if you are so inclined here:

    http://www.ironman.com/coverage/athlete-tracker.aspx?race=melbourne&y=2013#axzz2ODT8GYPU

    Last name: O'Callaghan.

  • @Kiwicyclist get fucked Stu - not sure why you posted that. This is a fucking cycling website. Nothing worse than fuckers getting on here and rabbiting on about other sports (of course the exception to that is any sport that an Australian is winning - which are few and far between at the moment, except for R Porte). 

    In my defence, if you dont count the inadvertent sprint training i receive when running out the back door of kiwicyclist's house when he gets home from work early and unexpected, I have been doing my best to observe rule 42 by keeping my running down to a bare minimum. Exactly 10 training runs done, none longer than 16ks.

    I am fucked.

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