Look Pro: Pre-Ride Afficionado
My office is organizing a holiday 12K run, an invitation to which I replied that one is only to engage in running when one is being chased, and even then only fast enough to avoid capture. I am a Cyclist, not a savage fleeing a beast in the jungle. I walk as little as possible because I hate walking, I carry as light a load as I possibly can to improve my climbing, and I only engage in core-building exercises because I am given to understand it will make me a stronger rider. We are, of course, occasionally required to participate in non-Cycling activities like “working”, but if you’re anything like me then you just use that time as an opportunity to get more psyched for the next ride.
Most of the time, I have spent the day (or evening before) thinking about what kit I’ll be riding in, and which bike I’ll take out that day. I’ll have made up my mind long before I descend the stairs to the basement where my bikes patiently hang in wait. Still I inspect them all as if the choice were not already made; I’ll pinch their tires, perhaps flick a pedal on its spindle or take one down from its hook to test the tightness of a headset. I’ll feel a tinge of guilt at passing over the others, but that guilt is offset by the excitement of taking the chosen steed down, pumping its tires up, and shifting through the gears in confirmation of the perfectly tuned drivetrain. I will be unable to resist the temptation to turn the barrel adjuster in the desire make the shifting even more perfecter.
Then, normally, it’s straight into my kit, out the door, and onto the bike I hop in Casually Deliberate Cyclocross style.
It is a rare occasion that I am afforded the luxury of being kitted up for the ride prior to departure; these rare occurrences are usually on Race Day or before a group ride when pre-ride espresso is sipped while we universally engage in shit-talking intended to intimidate or dupe our fellow riders. These are cherished times where one is allowed the opportunity to wear Cycling caps, pre-ride sandals or sneakers, long sleeve jerseys and full leggings (irrespective of the time of year) and practice being Casually Deliberate. But take note: the utmost care must be taken to every detail of our appearance:
- As mentioned in Dress Like an Onion, this is the time for long sleeve jerseys and full leggings. The leggings go under the bibs and over the socks. The long sleeve jersey goes over the jersey. This serves to preheat the Engine Room and bring the guns to a rolling simmer.
- This is also the time for a casquette, worn in accordance to the Three-Point System. The visor may be flipped up or down, and it may be won backwards provided you ooze style and class ala Roger de Vlaeminck or Robert Millar.*
- Sunglasses may under no circumstances be worn, but instead should be perched on your head. The Goldilocks Principle applies here; don’t perch them too high or too low, but just at where your hairline is – or was, for the follically challenged.*
- Be wary of the winter Cycling Cap in these circumstances. Le Professeur is kindly demonstrating a mastery of this most mysterious of arts, but it is exceptionally difficult to pull off.*
- Slide Sandals or sleek running shoes should be worn until the very last moment before the ride starts, at which time the leggings and long sleeve jersey are doffed and Cycling Shoes are put on. Immediately mount the bicycle and roll back over to the start or meeting point, never again dismounting the bicycle until the ride is over or you crash. If you are forced to endure the indignity of waiting for a tardy rider, then this waiting shall be done properly while resting upon the top tube of the bicycle.
Merckxspeed, my fellow Velominati.
*Wearing of the casquette, sunglasses, and in particular the winter Cycling Cap should be practiced at length in front of the mirror until wearing them perfectly becomes muscle memory. Recall that in order to be Casually Deliberate, one is to give the impression that all this awesome just happened by accident.
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………shifting even more perfecter
I trust this is some form of intentional emphasis by tautology?
^ The linguistic equivalent of the numbers all going to eleven.
“We are, of course, occasionally required to participate in non-Cycling activities like working, but if you’re anything like me then you just use that time as an opportunity to get more psyched for the next ride.”
Which is why I’m sitting here at my desk in the middle of the afternoon pondering on the life of a Velominatus. And trying to decide just how hard I’m going to ride tonight down in the suffer cellar.
Good stuff. I imagine your reaction to your office colleagues was a bit mixed on this one: one one hand, appreciative of their use of the metric 12 instead of the imperial 7 1/2, yet revulsion at the thought of “running.” 12 kms sounds far more impressive than 7 1/2, however, most Americans have no idea how far a kilometer is whereas they do know how far a mile is and that’s like twice the length of a mall parking lot. The former sounds impressive, the latter just horrible.
People ask me if I do triathlons and I gently tell them no because my legs don’t have gears or a freewheel and it’s hard to look casually deliberate in a speedo. (particularly if one has a typical cyclist’s tan lines.)
The Fignon bunnet is a classic. I have a couple old school ones like it myself: a red wool Denti one from Italia and an acrylic red and blue one. Both can, of course, be worn forwards or backwards, but much practice is needed to get the right angle.
The jersey reminds me of one of my most prized pieces of cycling gear – a sweater in the same style but with La Vie Clair colors – all black with the Mondrian blocks on the upper chest and shoulders. 30 years old and still fits. Only worn on special occasions.
I’ve signed up for a 25 kms fat bike ride on the frozen tundra of Lake Winnebago in mid February. Nothing worries me except how to dress warmly and not look like a big bag of unsorted laundry.
“desire make the shifting even more perfecter.”
And to think that this came from a guy who actually has published work out there….
“Dress Like and[sic] Onion”
The sunglasses-in-winter look is fantastic. But what say ye- wearing sunglasses when it’s raining and grey skies?
“I am a Cyclists” Is your multiple personality disorder overtly manifesting, Frank?
Hey, go easy. We all desire make the shifting even more perfecter.
The sweater looks better than the jersey.
@Oli
That’s what happens when you change the draft from “We are Cyclists” to “I am a Cyclist” on the last proof read, without coming back around for another pass…
@chuckp
And he’s got full leggings under the bibs.
‘Running’ is for ‘people’ who do not know how to properly operate machinery.
I’ve posted this before, but me avec le Professeur at 1992 Tour DuPont post-race party in DC.
@wiscot
The old school kit afforded one plenty of opportunity to look the business. I have no memory from my early riding days of having those scarfie things people wear now.
I will never have to worry about the correct/incorrect placement of sunglasses, I am cursed with eyesight so bad I cannot see my front wheel without my spectacles. I only wish I could rock the round lenses of le Professeur.
@EBruner
Getting contact lenses years ago was a real game changer for me. Ditched the huge Bolle with the inner clip on prescription lenses.
@wiscot
Always wanted one of those La Vie Clair sweaters! Jealous!
@chuckp
Who’s the rider on your shirt?
@EBruner
Try contactlenses, works for me!
Meanwhile, since it’s a little after midnight on Wednesday night, it’s prep time chez litvi. None of that pre-packaged sadness for Thanksgiving in this house. I’ll be whippin up some good shit, keeping it casz deliberate in my VVorkshop Apron. (natch). Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who know why I’m cooking up a feast. And for those of you who don’t, that’s cool too.
@KogaLover
Until you need reading glasses.
@frank
Heads are a complete bugger, at least if you’ve got one like mine. I’ve got a very nice merino Belgian style winter cap, warm as fuck, but can I make it look good on my head? No, fucking can’t.
I’ve got a bunch of nice cycling caps as well and none of them look particularly good on my head either.
It doesn’t matter how much time I spend in front of the mirror, making micro adjustments looking for some marginal gain or adjusting the amount of luft, my head is simply the wrong shape and there is no casually deliberate or fabulousness to be had up there.
Helmets aren’t much better (I’ve tried a Kask Protone and that has given me some hope) and I’m not even convinced about my hair (although I suspect I’d look worse without).
David Millar made a good point on a recent episode of the BBC’s Bespoke when asked for his top tips about looking good on the bike. Never wear your helmet off the bike. Don’t wear it into the mid or post ride cafe and definitely don’t sip your coffee whilst wearing it. Take it off and attach it to the bike through the frame and back wheel to slow down anyone trying to wander off with your bike. “The helmet is a tool, don’t spend time looking like one”
@chris
Good points, apart from that they contravene Rules #76, #2 and #3!
I am with you on the issue of hats though – I look stupid in any and all hats which includes cycling caps and cycling helmets. I think it’s something to do with the small head/large body ratio.
I have no solution apart from to do as you say and remove helmet and sadly cap when not actually on the bike. I’d love to wander about in a casquette but I look, to be blunt, fucking stupid.
@tedder
Being forced by weather or light conditions to change my normal dark lenses to lighter or yellow-ish lenses makes me re-think the whole kit, at the very least from the shoulders on up. Irritates me to no end, makes me almost go without the helmet and just rock the cycling cap because the yellow-ish or clear lenses (on my melon) don’t really belong with anything other than a cap or bare head.
@chris
This past year while out at the 7-11 velodrome and OTC at Colorado Springs, we are riding the same few days as the German National Track Team, in walks Robert Forstemann with the rest of the team, all good natured and willing to take a few pics – what I do I do? Take my pic while still wearing my most ugly of helmets the Giro Air Attack, I only keep the picture in my phone to piss myself off and remind myself to keep those fucking things off my head until only a few seconds prior to turning the pedals.
@Dean C
Photochromic lenses.
@Apex Nadir
Yes, I have started to have to correct my contactlenses with reading glasses, but I do not need them on the bike (yet). I can still read the V-meter with just contactlenses and I echo the tip on Photochromic lenses. I do not use them in summer as light is good but in autumn and winter, I do not leave without them.
@sthilzy
Not me. Not anyone in particular. Just artwork. Happy Thanksgiving!
@KogaLover
Been wearing glasses with progressive photochromic lenses for a few seasons now. I love them, especially for evening rides that start in sunshine and end after sunset.
@Dean C
I use clear or persimmon lenses because they match the V-Kit. Problem solved.
@chris
If you can’t wear a cap, may I suggest you ride with a comb in your pocket instead?
@RobSandy
Both of you need to practice more and find the right casquette. There are many too-small and ill-shapen caps on the market; stay away from the bad ones and use only those made in Italy by a company called Apis, who makes OPQS’s cap. Even then, there is enough variation between caps (they are handmade) so find one that’s big enough for your noggin.
Then, practice practice practice.
@litvi
Nice. Very. Missing something? Would be the red wine yes? Anyways, a 152 km ride yesterday w/a good friend in near perfect deep south blue skies and sunshine readied me for looking very forward to today’s feast. The turkey is in the oven and now working on base/broth for the greens and the gravy. Cheers!
@KogaLover
ah, I wish I could wear contacts. I can’t even use “normal” RX cycling glasses, as my power is over 8. I’m happy that I have photochromic cycling glasses (they start out dark and go to VERY DARK, so not good at night except for those suicidal times).
I believe clear lenses, or slightly amber, look the most Pro. On the other hand, squinting through the rain gives the ultimate look of the hardmen, as Laurens and Kevin Ista show us.
https://i1.wp.com/shutup-legs.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/paris-roubaix-history.jpg
http://cdn.media.cyclingnews.com/2011/04/11/2/pic189355446_600.jpg
https://img.washingtonpost.com/rf/image_1484w/2010-2019/WashingtonPost/2011/07/18/Sports/Images/504518694.jpg
@Frank
I had to look up persimmon. I assume that is “rose” put through V.
I have such major wood for that sweater.
@frank
I did mention that my hair doesn’t fit particularly well either, didn’t I?
@frank
Apis? Is that the outfit your sourcing the V-cap from? I’ll have to send them a plaster cast bust of my head. Are they also going to do a winter V-cap?
Do track cyclists wear caps? I’ve just got home from an hour on the boards at the Olympic Velodrome. Absolutely way out beyond awesome. I want to be a track star when I grow up.
@chris
Whilst not having met you in person, I do seem to remember some KT photos that led me to the assumption you may have been one of the riders @Frank was referring to at the end of the following point.
In which case I can’t see the comb being of any use whatsoever…
In relation to the article itself, I’ve always preferred the “warm up jacket” approach (similar to le Prof’s sweater) rather than a long sleeve over short sleeve jersey. Have long coveted one of these…
http://www.prendas.co.uk/molteni-retro-leisure-sweater-jacket.html
@frank
I think my cap (a very cheap one) sits on my head in a very similar manner to Die Panzerwagon’s in that picture. The difference is that Mr Martin is wearing the rainbow bands. That means stuff is cool on him that is not cool on me. What a dude.
@chris
The V-Cap exists? Wait, that can’t be true – it’s the cycling equivalent of Bigfoot, the Yeti. Often mentioned, never seen.
Just checked the gear page – bloody hell, I think @ChrisO is going to have a heart attack……
@davidlhill
Knock me down with a feather! Yeeeee Haa.
@davidlhill, @Teocalli
I have to say I did not expect that!
Well I kind of did, but just not quite so early. @frank gave me a sneak preview of the design last week.
I need to tell all of my relatives that, in the nicest possible sense, no socks etc for Christmas, just cash.
@chris
Ooo and I just got a tax refund this week that has permission to go into my bike fund account……….
@Teocalli
I’m very happy for you that you have a tax refund that allows the purchase of a V cap……
@chris
I’ve done a three sessions on the velodrome and I totally agree – beyond awesome. To be on the very boards where history was made, to feel the forces at the top of the banking, to spend 20 laps on the wheel of a stranger who was most definitely a cyclist and hold on………
I’ve signed up to be licensed.
@davidlhill
I’ve loved riding the boards every time I’ve done it, and I’ve serious considered getting a track bike. In fact, I was looking at track bikes before I was looking at road bikes.
But what put me off was that I love being outside and track riding is an indoor sport, which only involves going round and round in circles. I think I’d struggle to maintain motivation for that.
@davidlhill
Ah – perhaps I could have been clearer that the new bibs/jersey look great too……..
@davidlhill
It’s a shame it’s such a hike from here. We did a club session there and loved it. Done a few sessions at Calshot which is still a bit of a hike but a bit closer. If either were closer I would be a regular for the winter.
@RobSandy
I’m with you re the outside bit. However, the sensations are so different it’s almost a different sport altogether. I want to get licensed, and then see if there is some sort of masters series of races I can get involved with.
In an almost ideal world I can leave the office at 6, race at 7, be home at 9.
@Teocalli
on an associated note – have you seen that @chris is organising a get together in Covent Garden on 14 January for some general bike chat and cogal planning?
@davidlhill
Yup – hope to be there.
@Teocalli
excellent – it’s in the family diary so barring acts of God…….