Look Pro: Pre-Ride Afficionado

Casually Deliberate

My office is organizing a holiday 12K run, an invitation to which I replied that one is only to engage in running when one is being chased, and even then only fast enough to avoid capture. I am a Cyclist, not a savage fleeing a beast in the jungle. I walk as little as possible because I hate walking, I carry as light a load as I possibly can to improve my climbing, and I only engage in core-building exercises because I am given to understand it will make me a stronger rider. We are, of course, occasionally required to participate in non-Cycling activities like “working”, but if you’re anything like me then you just use that time as an opportunity to get more psyched for the next ride.

Most of the time, I have spent the day (or evening before) thinking about what kit I’ll be riding in, and which bike I’ll take out that day. I’ll have made up my mind long before I descend the stairs to the basement where my bikes patiently hang in wait. Still I inspect them all as if the choice were not already made; I’ll pinch their tires, perhaps flick a pedal on its spindle or take one down from its hook to test the tightness of a headset. I’ll feel a tinge of guilt at passing over the others, but that guilt is offset by the excitement of taking the chosen steed down, pumping its tires up, and shifting through the gears in confirmation of the perfectly tuned drivetrain. I will be unable to resist the temptation to turn the barrel adjuster in the desire make the shifting even more perfecter.

Then, normally, it’s straight into my kit, out the door, and onto the bike I hop in Casually Deliberate Cyclocross style.

It is a rare occasion that I am afforded the luxury of being kitted up for the ride prior to departure; these rare occurrences are usually on Race Day or before a group ride when pre-ride espresso is sipped while we universally engage in shit-talking intended to intimidate or dupe our fellow riders. These are cherished times where one is allowed the opportunity to wear Cycling caps, pre-ride sandals or sneakers, long sleeve jerseys and full leggings (irrespective of the time of year) and practice being Casually Deliberate. But take note: the utmost care must be taken to every detail of our appearance:

As mentioned in Dress Like an Onion, this is the time for long sleeve jerseys and full leggings. The leggings go under the bibs and over the socks. The long sleeve jersey goes over the jersey. This serves to preheat the Engine Room and bring the guns to a rolling simmer.
This is also the time for a casquette, worn in accordance to the Three-Point System. The visor may be flipped up or down, and it may be won backwards provided you ooze style and class ala Roger de Vlaeminck or Robert Millar.*
Sunglasses may under no circumstances be worn, but instead should be perched on your head. The Goldilocks Principle applies here; don’t perch them too high or too low, but just at where your hairline is – or was, for the follically challenged.*
Be wary of the winter Cycling Cap in these circumstances. Le Professeur is kindly demonstrating a mastery of this most mysterious of arts, but it is exceptionally difficult to pull off.*
Slide Sandals or sleek running shoes should be worn until the very last moment before the ride starts, at which time the leggings and long sleeve jersey are doffed and Cycling Shoes are put on. Immediately mount the bicycle and roll back over to the start or meeting point, never again dismounting the bicycle until the ride is over or you crash. If you are forced to endure the indignity of waiting for a tardy rider, then this waiting shall be done properly while resting upon the top tube of the bicycle.

Merckxspeed, my fellow Velominati.

*Wearing of the casquette, sunglasses, and in particular the winter Cycling Cap should be practiced at length in front of the mirror until wearing them perfectly becomes muscle memory. Recall that in order to be Casually Deliberate, one is to give the impression that all this awesome just happened by accident.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

wilburrox says:

Nov 26 2015 at 11:11 am

@litvi

Meanwhile, since it’s a little after midnight on Wednesday night, it’s prep time chez litvi. None of that pre-packaged sadness for Thanksgiving in this house. I’ll be whippin up some good shit, keeping it casz deliberate in my VVorkshop Apron. (natch). Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who know why I’m cooking up a feast. And for those of you who don’t, that’s cool too.

Nice. Very. Missing something? Would be the red wine yes? Anyways, a 152 km ride yesterday w/a good friend in near perfect deep south blue skies and sunshine readied me for looking very forward to today's feast. The turkey is in the oven and now working on base/broth for the greens and the gravy. Cheers!
tedder says:

Nov 26 2015 at 12:41 pm

@KogaLover

ah, I wish I could wear contacts. I can't even use "normal" RX cycling glasses, as my power is over 8. I'm happy that I have photochromic cycling glasses (they start out dark and go to VERY DARK, so not good at night except for those suicidal times).

I believe clear lenses, or slightly amber, look the most Pro. On the other hand, squinting through the rain gives the ultimate look of the hardmen, as Laurens and Kevin Ista show us.

https://i1.wp.com/shutup-legs.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/paris-roubaix-history.jpg

http://cdn.media.cyclingnews.com/2011/04/11/2/pic189355446_600.jpg

https://img.washingtonpost.com/rf/image_1484w/2010-2019/WashingtonPost/2011/07/18/Sports/Images/504518694.jpg

@Frank

I had to look up persimmon. I assume that is "rose" put through V.
frank says:

Nov 26 2015 at 2:58 pm

I have such major wood for that sweater.
chris says:

Nov 26 2015 at 3:11 pm

@frank

@chris

If you can’t wear a cap, may I suggest you ride with a comb in your pocket instead?

I did mention that my hair doesn't fit particularly well either, didn't I?

@frank

@RobSandy

@chris

@frank

David Millar made a good point on a recent episode of the BBC’s Bespoke when asked for his top tips about looking good on the bike. Never wear your helmet off the bike. Don’t wear it into the mid or post ride cafe and definitely don’t sip your coffee whilst wearing it. Take it off and attach it to the bike through the frame and back wheel to slow down anyone trying to wander off with your bike.“The helmet is a tool, don’t spend time looking like one”

Good points, apart from that they contravene Rules #76, #2 and #3!

I am with you on the issue of hats though – I look stupid in any and all hats which includes cycling caps and cycling helmets. I think it’s something to do with the small head/large body ratio.

I have no solution apart from to do as you say and remove helmet and sadly cap when not actually on the bike. I’d love to wander about in a casquette but I look, to be blunt, fucking stupid.

Both of you need to practice more and find the right casquette. There are many too-small and ill-shapen caps on the market; stay away from the bad ones and use only those made in Italy by a company called Apis, who makes OPQS’s cap. Even then, there is enough variation between caps (they are handmade) so find one that’s big enough for your noggin.

Then, practice practice practice.

Apis? Is that the outfit your sourcing the V-cap from? I'll have to send them a plaster cast bust of my head. Are they also going to do a winter V-cap?

Do track cyclists wear caps? I've just got home from an hour on the boards at the Olympic Velodrome. Absolutely way out beyond awesome. I want to be a track star when I grow up.
Mikael Liddy says:

Nov 26 2015 at 4:50 pm

@chris

@frank

@chris

If you can’t wear a cap, may I suggest you ride with a comb in your pocket instead?

I did mention that my hair doesn’t fit particularly well either, didn’t I?

@frank

@RobSandy

@chris

@frank

David Millar made a good point on a recent episode of the BBC’s Bespoke when asked for his top tips about looking good on the bike. Never wear your helmet off the bike. Don’t wear it into the mid or post ride cafe and definitely don’t sip your coffee whilst wearing it. Take it off and attach it to the bike through the frame and back wheel to slow down anyone trying to wander off with your bike.“The helmet is a tool, don’t spend time looking like one”

Good points, apart from that they contravene Rules #76, #2 and #3!

I am with you on the issue of hats though – I look stupid in any and all hats which includes cycling caps and cycling helmets. I think it’s something to do with the small head/large body ratio.

I have no solution apart from to do as you say and remove helmet and sadly cap when not actually on the bike. I’d love to wander about in a casquette but I look, to be blunt, fucking stupid.

Both of you need to practice more and find the right casquette. There are many too-small and ill-shapen caps on the market; stay away from the bad ones and use only those made in Italy by a company called Apis, who makes OPQS’s cap. Even then, there is enough variation between caps (they are handmade) so find one that’s big enough for your noggin.

Then, practice practice practice.

Apis? Is that the outfit your sourcing the V-cap from? I’ll have to send them a plaster cast bust of my head. Are they also going to do a winter V-cap?

Do track cyclists wear caps? I’ve just got home from an hour on the boards at the Olympic Velodrome. Absolutely way out beyond awesome. I want to be a track star when I grow up.

Whilst not having met you in person, I do seem to remember some KT photos that led me to the assumption you may have been one of the riders @Frank was referring to at the end of the following point.

Sunglasses may under no circumstances be worn, but instead should be perched on your head. The Goldilocks Principle applies here; don’t perch them too high or too low, but just at where your hairline is – or was, for the follically challenged.*

In which case I can't see the comb being of any use whatsoever...
Mikael Liddy says:

Nov 26 2015 at 6:56 pm

In relation to the article itself, I've always preferred the "warm up jacket" approach (similar to le Prof's sweater) rather than a long sleeve over short sleeve jersey. Have long coveted one of these...

http://www.prendas.co.uk/molteni-retro-leisure-sweater-jacket.html
RobSandy says:

Nov 27 2015 at 1:09 am

@frank

@RobSandy

@chris

@frank

David Millar made a good point on a recent episode of the BBC’s Bespoke when asked for his top tips about looking good on the bike. Never wear your helmet off the bike. Don’t wear it into the mid or post ride cafe and definitely don’t sip your coffee whilst wearing it. Take it off and attach it to the bike through the frame and back wheel to slow down anyone trying to wander off with your bike.“The helmet is a tool, don’t spend time looking like one”

Good points, apart from that they contravene Rules #76, #2 and #3!

I am with you on the issue of hats though – I look stupid in any and all hats which includes cycling caps and cycling helmets. I think it’s something to do with the small head/large body ratio.

I have no solution apart from to do as you say and remove helmet and sadly cap when not actually on the bike. I’d love to wander about in a casquette but I look, to be blunt, fucking stupid.

Both of you need to practice more and find the right casquette. There are many too-small and ill-shapen caps on the market; stay away from the bad ones and use only those made in Italy by a company called Apis, who makes OPQS’s cap. Even then, there is enough variation between caps (they are handmade) so find one that’s big enough for your noggin.

Then, practice practice practice.

I think my cap (a very cheap one) sits on my head in a very similar manner to Die Panzerwagon's in that picture. The difference is that Mr Martin is wearing the rainbow bands. That means stuff is cool on him that is not cool on me. What a dude.
davidlhill says:

Nov 27 2015 at 1:17 am

@chris

Then, practice practice practice.

Apis? Is that the outfit your sourcing the V-cap from? I’ll have to send them a plaster cast bust of my head. Are they also going to do a winter V-cap?

Do track cyclists wear caps? I’ve just got home from an hour on the boards at the Olympic Velodrome. Absolutely way out beyond awesome. I want to be a track star when I grow up.

The V-Cap exists? Wait, that can't be true - it's the cycling equivalent of Bigfoot, the Yeti. Often mentioned, never seen.

Just checked the gear page - bloody hell, I think @ChrisO is going to have a heart attack......
Teocalli says:

Nov 27 2015 at 1:26 am

@davidlhill

Knock me down with a feather! Yeeeee Haa.
chris says:

Nov 27 2015 at 4:34 am

@davidlhill, @Teocalli
I have to say I did not expect that!

Well I kind of did, but just not quite so early. @frank gave me a sneak preview of the design last week.

I need to tell all of my relatives that, in the nicest possible sense, no socks etc for Christmas, just cash.