[rule number=28/]

Science has proven that people who wear crazy socks are smarter than those boring snooze factories who wear simple plain socks. I know the data supporting the claims is legitimate because I read it on LinkedIn. Also, when I say “read”, I mean that I glanced briefly at the title while simultaneously performing several other critical activities like checking YouTube for videos of uncoordinated animals and what the weather is like on Mars.

Rule #28 stands out amongst the others as a particularly vague swan for the reasons outlined in the above article, which I assume are that in a world of limited and regimented acceptable conventions in gender style choices, socks present an opportunity to fly our Freak Flag and throw in a few pieces of flair without upsetting the boss, partner, or parents. Even though every Velominatus, the most dedicated and elite of the Cycling Aesthetes, holds white socks in the highest regard, there should always be room for other choices within the Cyclist’s daily style program.

Despite the implication on my intelligence, my own sock choice is rather understated and dictated in part by the employment of the Orange Damsels – my beloved custom orange patent-leather Bont Vaypors. These shoes already make a bit of a statement themselves, so my sock choice needs to be solid and carefully coordinated in order to avoid a conflict between my ankle and foot decorum. For instance, the orange hi-vis DeFeets I ride on the road in bad weather don’t quite match the orange of my shoes, pulling the choke on the ol’ OCD engine. I have therefore allowed myself to wear socks in any color so long as they are either black or white.

The case for white socks is already clear and does not need to be revisited. The case for black socks, however, begins with the principles laid out by Rule #8, wherein the colors of satellite components should normally be matched to their nearest adjacent contact point on the frame. It then follows by extension that the same is true for kit: assuming the mandatory black bibs, black socks bridge the gap between them and whatever shoes you might be wearing. Much like matching the cuffs to the collars, matching the socks to the bibs to black provides a uniform platform from which to build your style program.

Go bold with the choice of socks if you must, but remember to always keep it classy. And, if in doubt, build a solid foundation of color from which to build.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @Oli

    The more Brett says “no” the more I want to say “yes”.

    @Oli

    Wait, I didn’t mean it like that!

    We don't judge around here!

  • @frank

    @Oli

    The more Brett says “no” the more I want to say “yes”.

    @Oli

    Wait, I didn’t mean it like that!

    We don’t judge around here!

    We don't??!! Wait..I thought that was the whole point....?

     

  • @Haldy

    @frank

    @Oli

    The more Brett says “no” the more I want to say “yes”.

    @Oli

    Wait, I didn’t mean it like that!

    We don’t judge around here!

    We don’t??!! Wait..I thought that was the whole point….?

    Well, we do, but not about that stuff.

  • @frank

    @Haldy

    @frank

    @Oli

    The more Brett says “no” the more I want to say “yes”.

    @Oli

    Wait, I didn’t mean it like that!

    We don’t judge around here!

    We don’t??!! Wait..I thought that was the whole point….?

    Well, we do, but not about that stuff.

    Fair enough point, and I agree. I meant more in general.

  • Long time lurker but this post and all the accompanying images are making me feel a bit queasy. Socks should be white and shoes should be white.

  • @Jamie Maidment

    Only a bit queasy? I have just spent the last hour cleaning the bathroom after vomiting all over the place.

    What is it with cycling becoming golf? Have we all become blind?

    Crazy socks and crazy kit need to be banned.  In a few years time there will be a lot of people looking back at photos and saying "Why did I wear pyjamas on the bike?"

    Unless your age starts with the number 1, in which case you can be excused through lack of knowledge/experience, it is time to leave the pyjamas in the bedroom.

1 11 12 13
Share
Published by
frank

Recent Posts

Anatomy of a Photo: Sock & Shoe Game

I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Men’s World Championship Road Race 2017

Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Women’s World Championship Road Race 2017

The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Vuelta a España 2017

Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…

8 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Clasica Ciclista San Sebastian 2017

This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…

8 years ago

Route Finding

I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…

8 years ago