Categories: Breaking The RulesKitLa Vie VelominatusLook ProMusings from the V-Bunker

On Rule #28: The Case for Black Socks

The case for black socks...and orange patent leather shoes.

[rule number=28/]

Science has proven that people who wear crazy socks are smarter than those boring snooze factories who wear simple plain socks. I know the data supporting the claims is legitimate because I read it on LinkedIn. Also, when I say “read”, I mean that I glanced briefly at the title while simultaneously performing several other critical activities like checking YouTube for videos of uncoordinated animals and what the weather is like on Mars.

Rule #28 stands out amongst the others as a particularly vague swan for the reasons outlined in the above article, which I assume are that in a world of limited and regimented acceptable conventions in gender style choices, socks present an opportunity to fly our Freak Flag and throw in a few pieces of flair without upsetting the boss, partner, or parents. Even though every Velominatus, the most dedicated and elite of the Cycling Aesthetes, holds white socks in the highest regard, there should always be room for other choices within the Cyclist’s daily style program.

Despite the implication on my intelligence, my own sock choice is rather understated and dictated in part by the employment of the Orange Damsels – my beloved custom orange patent-leather Bont Vaypors. These shoes already make a bit of a statement themselves, so my sock choice needs to be solid and carefully coordinated in order to avoid a conflict between my ankle and foot decorum. For instance, the orange hi-vis DeFeets I ride on the road in bad weather don’t quite match the orange of my shoes, pulling the choke on the ol’ OCD engine. I have therefore allowed myself to wear socks in any color so long as they are either black or white.

The case for white socks is already clear and does not need to be revisited. The case for black socks, however, begins with the principles laid out by Rule #8, wherein the colors of satellite components should normally be matched to their nearest adjacent contact point on the frame. It then follows by extension that the same is true for kit: assuming the mandatory black bibs, black socks bridge the gap between them and whatever shoes you might be wearing. Much like matching the cuffs to the collars, matching the socks to the bibs to black provides a uniform platform from which to build your style program.

Go bold with the choice of socks if you must, but remember to always keep it classy. And, if in doubt, build a solid foundation of color from which to build.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Teocalli says:

Jun 22 2016 at 10:15 am

@Buck Rogers

Not sure I'd want him as a dentist........

Who knew that drilling out a root canal would hurt so much and need anaesthetic.......
Gianni says:

Jun 22 2016 at 10:59 am

@Steampunk

@Buck Rogers

@wiscot

Thank you all for your vehement stand on black socks. They are rubbish. And special thanks to Buck for posting the wrong meme too, that makes me giggle. Those fucks who don't answer texts! Bastards.
Gianni says:

Jun 22 2016 at 11:03 am

@fenlander

Like my black sock/white Giro combo,seen here on the Tour of Cambridgeshire;

I know it’s classic but not really a fan of white socks,always reminds me of these two;

Those white Giros would look even more awesome with white socks. I'll give you a lot of leeway for invoking Beavis and Butthead into this argument though. Very nice.
wiscot says:

Jun 22 2016 at 11:15 am

@fenlander

Like my black sock/white Giro combo,seen here on the Tour of Cambridgeshire;

I know it’s classic but not really a fan of white socks,always reminds me of these two;

Looking pretty pro there Mr. Fenlander! I didn't know Cambridgeshire had hills . . .
Ccos says:

Jun 22 2016 at 11:18 am

@Teocalli

@Buck Rogers

Not sure I’d want him as a dentist……..

Who knew that drilling out a root canal would hurt so much and need anaesthetic…….

Agreed. I think we're allowed one place in our life to be in disarray but our work, one's appearance, the bike, are not be included.

Ironically, it's the sock drawer for me. OCD has its limits of reach.
Steampunk says:

Jun 22 2016 at 12:51 pm

@Buck Rogers

Awesome! And if he's a dentist, does that mean he rides a Serotta now? Because that seems to be a dentist thing to do.
Steampunk says:

Jun 22 2016 at 12:53 pm

@Gianni

It shouldn't need to be said, mate. It shouldn't need to be said at all. Get your house in order. This place is going to shit.
Nik_L says:

Jun 22 2016 at 1:17 pm

@Steampunk

@Gianni

It shouldn’t need to be said, mate. It shouldn’t need to be said at all.

This.

I have tried to wear black socks. In fact, I've even got as far as *almost* getting onto my bike in them before before coming to my senses and going back inside to change them. It's like driving without a seatbelt - it just doesn't feel right.

Pristine, Goldilocks-length white socks are the ticket ~~any~~ every day of the week ... 'nuff said.
Teocalli says:

Jun 22 2016 at 1:53 pm

@Nik_L

@Steampunk

@Gianni

It shouldn’t need to be said, mate. It shouldn’t need to be said at all.

This.

I have tried to wear black socks. In fact, I’ve even got as far as *almost* getting onto my bike in them before before coming to my senses and going back inside to change them. It’s like driving without a seatbelt – it just doesn’t feel right.

Pristine, Goldilocks-length white socks are the ticket ~~any~~ every day of the week … ’nuff said.

Black socks = poor excuse for not being able to look after your kit.

Only time for black socks is winter Rule #9 conditions with full leggings where they can't be seen.
Kay_Jay says:

Jun 22 2016 at 3:01 pm

You have 5 choices when it comes to socks.....

1,2,3,4 : white socks

5: who cares, you're about to be dropped.