Categories: Breaking The RulesKitLa Vie VelominatusLook ProMusings from the V-Bunker

On Rule #28: The Case for Black Socks

The case for black socks...and orange patent leather shoes.

[rule number=28/]

Science has proven that people who wear crazy socks are smarter than those boring snooze factories who wear simple plain socks. I know the data supporting the claims is legitimate because I read it on LinkedIn. Also, when I say “read”, I mean that I glanced briefly at the title while simultaneously performing several other critical activities like checking YouTube for videos of uncoordinated animals and what the weather is like on Mars.

Rule #28 stands out amongst the others as a particularly vague swan for the reasons outlined in the above article, which I assume are that in a world of limited and regimented acceptable conventions in gender style choices, socks present an opportunity to fly our Freak Flag and throw in a few pieces of flair without upsetting the boss, partner, or parents. Even though every Velominatus, the most dedicated and elite of the Cycling Aesthetes, holds white socks in the highest regard, there should always be room for other choices within the Cyclist’s daily style program.

Despite the implication on my intelligence, my own sock choice is rather understated and dictated in part by the employment of the Orange Damsels – my beloved custom orange patent-leather Bont Vaypors. These shoes already make a bit of a statement themselves, so my sock choice needs to be solid and carefully coordinated in order to avoid a conflict between my ankle and foot decorum. For instance, the orange hi-vis DeFeets I ride on the road in bad weather don’t quite match the orange of my shoes, pulling the choke on the ol’ OCD engine. I have therefore allowed myself to wear socks in any color so long as they are either black or white.

The case for white socks is already clear and does not need to be revisited. The case for black socks, however, begins with the principles laid out by Rule #8, wherein the colors of satellite components should normally be matched to their nearest adjacent contact point on the frame. It then follows by extension that the same is true for kit: assuming the mandatory black bibs, black socks bridge the gap between them and whatever shoes you might be wearing. Much like matching the cuffs to the collars, matching the socks to the bibs to black provides a uniform platform from which to build your style program.

Go bold with the choice of socks if you must, but remember to always keep it classy. And, if in doubt, build a solid foundation of color from which to build.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Buck Rogers says:

Jun 22 2016 at 3:42 pm

@frank

@Kay_Jay

Oi! Apparently Frahnk and I do agree on something, just not socks!
frank says:

Jun 22 2016 at 3:44 pm

@Nik_L

@Steampunk

@Gianni

It shouldn’t need to be said, mate. It shouldn’t need to be said at all.

This.

I have tried to wear black socks. In fact, I’ve even got as far as *almost* getting onto my bike in them before before coming to my senses and going back inside to change them. It’s like driving without a seatbelt – it just doesn’t feel right.

Pristine, Goldilocks-length white socks are the ticket ~~any~~ every day of the week … ’nuff said.

You make a strong case, and no one said white is bad. I'm just saying black also works.
frank says:

Jun 22 2016 at 3:45 pm

@Buck Rogers

@frank

@Kay_Jay

Oi! Apparently Frahnk and I do agree on something, just not socks!

Question: have you read the article yet? Just wondering if you've been able to squeeze it in yet with all the posting you're doing.
RobSandy says:

Jun 22 2016 at 3:57 pm

@Kay_Jay

You have 5 choices when it comes to socks…..

1,2,3,4 : white socks

5: who cares, you’re about to be dropped.

*Applause*

Case closed.
Steampunk says:

Jun 22 2016 at 4:06 pm
minion says:

Jun 22 2016 at 4:27 pm

@frank

@Nik_L

@Steampunk

@Gianni

It shouldn’t need to be said, mate. It shouldn’t need to be said at all.

This.

I have tried to wear black socks. In fact, I’ve even got as far as *almost* getting onto my bike in them before before coming to my senses and going back inside to change them. It’s like driving without a seatbelt – it just doesn’t feel right.

Pristine, Goldilocks-length white socks are the ticket ~~any~~ every day of the week … ’nuff said.

You make a strong case, and no one said white is bad. I’m just saying black also works.

This photo has bugged the shit out of me before - you look tanned TO THE KNEES what kind of pippy long stocking shit do you do in the summertime?
minion says:

Jun 22 2016 at 4:29 pm

@frank

@Buck Rogers

@frank

@Kay_Jay

Oi! Apparently Frahnk and I do agree on something, just not socks!

Question: have you read the article yet? Just wondering if you’ve been able to squeeze it in yet with all the posting you’re doing.

C'mon man, everyone knows it's not about reading the articles, it's about bickering over the photos....
Buck Rogers says:

Jun 22 2016 at 4:38 pm

@minion

@frank

@Buck Rogers

@frank

@Kay_Jay

Oi! Apparently Frahnk and I do agree on something, just not socks!

Question: have you read the article yet? Just wondering if you’ve been able to squeeze it in yet with all the posting you’re doing.

C’mon man, everyone knows it’s not about reading the articles, it’s about bickering over the photos….

I actually did read the bullshit article and it's pure bullshit. There a very few absolutes in life and black fucking socks are not ever a good idea with any fucking kit is one of them.

You're getting soft, man. Soft.
BacklashJack says:

Jun 22 2016 at 4:41 pm

@Teocalli

@Nik_L

@Steampunk

@Gianni

It shouldn’t need to be said, mate. It shouldn’t need to be said at all.

This.

I have tried to wear black socks. In fact, I’ve even got as far as *almost* getting onto my bike in them before before coming to my senses and going back inside to change them. It’s like driving without a seatbelt – it just doesn’t feel right.

Pristine, Goldilocks-length white socks are the ticket ~~any~~ every day of the week … ’nuff said.

Black socks = poor excuse for not being able to look after your kit.

Only time for black socks is winter Rule #9 conditions with full leggings where they can’t be seen.

Clarification on Rule #9 rides as they pertain to Rule #28 (and perhaps my laziness)....

I wear black on wet days. I'll hand wash my jerseys, but I draw the line at socks. 5" maximum height so as to not go Texan.

For hot Rule #9 38+C temperature days (the norm in Phoenix, Arizona for six months of the year) and all of our many dry days, it is white white white. Occasionally with a black highlight or logo. But white. I took a while to come to this enlightenment, but I'm with @Gianni on this one.
Buck Rogers says:

Jun 22 2016 at 4:42 pm

@minion

@frank

@Buck Rogers

@frank

@Kay_Jay

Oi! Apparently Frahnk and I do agree on something, just not socks!

Question: have you read the article yet? Just wondering if you’ve been able to squeeze it in yet with all the posting you’re doing.

C’mon man, everyone knows it’s not about reading the articles, it’s about bickering over the photos….

Right, and besides Frahnk, you like like shit in those black socks in the photo. Someone had to tell you. It's like when you are dating an ugly significant other. Only your truest friends will tell you that they are a dog. Frahnk, your black socks are a dog.