Categories: Breaking The RulesKitLa Vie VelominatusLook ProMusings from the V-Bunker

On Rule #28: The Case for Black Socks

The case for black socks...and orange patent leather shoes.

[rule number=28/]

Science has proven that people who wear crazy socks are smarter than those boring snooze factories who wear simple plain socks. I know the data supporting the claims is legitimate because I read it on LinkedIn. Also, when I say “read”, I mean that I glanced briefly at the title while simultaneously performing several other critical activities like checking YouTube for videos of uncoordinated animals and what the weather is like on Mars.

Rule #28 stands out amongst the others as a particularly vague swan for the reasons outlined in the above article, which I assume are that in a world of limited and regimented acceptable conventions in gender style choices, socks present an opportunity to fly our Freak Flag and throw in a few pieces of flair without upsetting the boss, partner, or parents. Even though every Velominatus, the most dedicated and elite of the Cycling Aesthetes, holds white socks in the highest regard, there should always be room for other choices within the Cyclist’s daily style program.

Despite the implication on my intelligence, my own sock choice is rather understated and dictated in part by the employment of the Orange Damsels – my beloved custom orange patent-leather Bont Vaypors. These shoes already make a bit of a statement themselves, so my sock choice needs to be solid and carefully coordinated in order to avoid a conflict between my ankle and foot decorum. For instance, the orange hi-vis DeFeets I ride on the road in bad weather don’t quite match the orange of my shoes, pulling the choke on the ol’ OCD engine. I have therefore allowed myself to wear socks in any color so long as they are either black or white.

The case for white socks is already clear and does not need to be revisited. The case for black socks, however, begins with the principles laid out by Rule #8, wherein the colors of satellite components should normally be matched to their nearest adjacent contact point on the frame. It then follows by extension that the same is true for kit: assuming the mandatory black bibs, black socks bridge the gap between them and whatever shoes you might be wearing. Much like matching the cuffs to the collars, matching the socks to the bibs to black provides a uniform platform from which to build your style program.

Go bold with the choice of socks if you must, but remember to always keep it classy. And, if in doubt, build a solid foundation of color from which to build.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

Next Anatomy of a Photo: Winter Sweat Box Ride »

Previous « Festum Prophetae: Waiting for the Hour

View Comments

EBruner says:

Jun 22 2016 at 4:47 pm

@RobSandy

@Kay_Jay

You have 5 choices when it comes to socks…..

1,2,3,4 : white socks

5: who cares, you’re about to be dropped.

*Applause*

Case closed.

Gold right here. Bravo!
Rick says:

Jun 22 2016 at 5:02 pm

I had been wearing black socks with my Dark Knights almost exclusively, I know not why. Last weekend, I stopped mid ride at an LBS to buy white socks. I am so freaking sick of black socks with my black widows, I just couldn't wear anything but white socks again. The next day, with my black shoe white sock combo, I felt liberated, clean, as if I was going faster-it just felt right. I have no idea why I went to the dark side, but if it happens again I will definitely seek help.

Regarding the funny sock thing: I buy identical black socks to wear to work. I go to the same store and buy the same style every time. That way, any time I pull two socks out of my drawer I know they will match. This is especially useful for those dark mornings when turning the light on would awaken someone who may have just pulled a 40 hour shift at the hospital.

Meanwhile, those morons with the unique socks would be either showing up to an important meeting with an unmatched pair of silly socks, or waking up a surgeon who looks like a supermodel. Neither situation is ideal, albeit for very different reasons.

Who seems smart now?
MtnGoat says:

Jun 22 2016 at 7:34 pm

I'm not a regular poster here but I check in once in a while to read what you ladies are yammering about. Full disclosure: I taught myself to ride a bike going on 50 years ago and was die-hard before it was cool. When I finally got into racing, "cool" was Marressi or Duegi (and their solid wood soles) and no socks, which seemed to cause acid reflux within the USCF.

But this:

"Black is cool too, but were given a bad image by a Texan whose were too long."

Maybe this will spark some memories. Black socks were given a bad image by the dorks in high school gym class. Sorry to offend but that was something I couldn't unsee and to this day indicates a clear fashion tone-deafness.

Hugs.
Randy C says:

Jun 22 2016 at 7:57 pm

I don't even know what to post but apparently that's not gonna stop me. Let's just say that this thread is cracking me up to no end.

A local cat, and one bada** on a bike, today instagram'd a snapshot of his sky blue Belgian The F <insert flag of Belgium> CK Up socks. Not bad.

Another local dude who can ride most anyone's a** in to the ground on most days has a thing for sox with sayings such as I <heart> haters and such.

I guess the only thing I struggle with are the too short sox and I gotta say, though they may be white, the sox on No 1 choice above photo are very borderline to being too short.

cheers all

I'm not sure kids today would go near a pair of white sox. Not for any sport or occasion.
frank says:

Jun 22 2016 at 9:50 pm

@chris

@Teocalli

Only time for black socks is winter Rule #9 conditions with full leggings where they can’t be seen.

I’d also argue that they be seen if worn with knee warmers.

But never with black shoes. Black shoes and black socks should only ever be worn with a suit. Do it on a bike and it looks like you’ve forgotten your trousers.

You might as well start wearing socks with your sandals.

Oooooooooh. The woolies in Birkenstock Grunger from the 90's! Haven't seen that animal since, oh, long before you were born!
frank says:

Jun 22 2016 at 9:52 pm

@Steampunk

Is that you? Because it looks a lot like you.
frank says:

Jun 22 2016 at 9:53 pm

@Buck Rogers

@minion

@frank

@Buck Rogers

@frank

@Kay_Jay

Oi! Apparently Frahnk and I do agree on something, just not socks!

Question: have you read the article yet? Just wondering if you’ve been able to squeeze it in yet with all the posting you’re doing.

C’mon man, everyone knows it’s not about reading the articles, it’s about bickering over the photos….

Right, and besides Frahnk, you like like shit in those black socks in the photo. Someone had to tell you. It’s like when you are dating an ugly significant other. Only your truest friends will tell you that they are a dog. Frahnk, your black socks are a dog.

That would sting a little more bitterly with, you know, grammar and stuff.
frank says:

Jun 22 2016 at 9:54 pm

@Rick

I had been wearing black socks with my Dark Knights almost exclusively, I know not why. Last weekend, I stopped mid ride at an LBS to buy white socks. I am so freaking sick of black socks with my black widows, I just couldn’t wear anything but white socks again. The next day, with my black shoe white sock combo, I felt liberated, clean, as if I was going faster-it just felt right. I have no idea why I went to the dark side, but if it happens again I will definitely seek help.

Regarding the funny sock thing: I buy identical black socks to wear to work. I go to the same store and buy the same style every time. That way, any time I pull two socks out of my drawer I know they will match. This is especially useful for those dark mornings when turning the light on would awaken someone who may have just pulled a 40 hour shift at the hospital.

Meanwhile, those morons with the unique socks would be either showing up to an important meeting with an unmatched pair of silly socks, or waking up a surgeon who looks like a supermodel. Neither situation is ideal, albeit for very different reasons.

Who seems smart now?

Who puts loose socks in their drawers? This is the first I've heard of this strategy. I sort the at laundry time and fold them together like a civilized person.

This resolves every challenge you've outlined. Who's the super model surgeon now, motherfucker?
Haldy says:

Jun 22 2016 at 11:42 pm

Man.....y'all just need to relax..go with the flow. Bikes are supposed to be fun..be creative..expressive..we here at Single Malt Velo have a very strong sock game going on....
RobSandy says:

Jun 23 2016 at 1:27 am

@frank

@Rick

Who puts loose socks in their drawers? This is the first I’ve heard of this strategy. I sort the at laundry time and fold them together like a civilized person.

This resolves every challenge you’ve outlined. Who’s the super model surgeon now, motherfucker?

I'm just going to comment on an OCD issue pertaining to socks. I have 5 pairs of brightly coloured work socks with Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday & Friday written on them. I've worn the right pair on the right day to work, every day (with a few upsetting exceptions ) for EIGHTEEN MONTHS.

My reply when anyone on the office comments on me always wearing the right day is 'would you expect anything less?'.