La Vie Velominatus, Part IV: The Great Escape

The Col du Tourmalet

One of the most magnificent things about Cycling is that not only does it represent different things to different people, it represents different things on different days. Some days, it’s training – a means to an end. Other days, it’s the culmination of a body of work; rather than a means to an end, it represents that end itself, whether that end is exhilarating or devastating. But these two facets represent Cycling only as Sport, the complex simplicity of the balance between dedication and results.

Cycling stands apart, however, in its many dimensions beyond Sport. For me, Cycling is meditation, a time to clear my mind of ancillary concerns and contemplate on those that require my focus. It is thoughtlessness, a time to eliminate everything through the simplicity of pain. It is simultaneously medication and therapy; even a short ride can shake a heavy lethargy from my bones and rejuvenate aching muscles and joints. It is simultaneously tension and release; Cycling can fill my being with effort, an effort that overflows my legs and lungs and spills over to fill every fiber of my being, flushing from me all those things I wish not to keep.

Cycling is penance for my mistakes; a few hours at the mercy of the Man with the Hammer can help me understand the error of my ways. It is cleansing of other’s mistakes – here the Man with the Hammer helps pound out the ripples in the surface of Life they cause me.

I am by no means a great man and never will be. But I am a better man for my bike, and for that I am eternally grateful to it.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Buck Rogers says:

Sep 21 2011 at 5:02 pm

@frank

@Buck Rogers

And, for something completely different, the HIV drugs sound like a great way to loose weight, much like getting gonorrhea in India did for me.

Fronk, are you SURE that it was gonorrhea that you picked up in India? If so, that ought to be an intersting story as there are not too many ways one can contract gonorrhea!
Buck Rogers says:

Sep 21 2011 at 5:04 pm

@scaler911
I'm an M.D. Trained in ophtho with a cornea transplant fellowship at Wills, but then went over to the "Dark Side" and was an SF surgeon for the last 4.5 years. Now I'm back full time cornea. I think I might have been safer in SF! :)
frank says:

Sep 21 2011 at 5:50 pm

@Buck Rogers

@frank

@Buck Rogers

And, for something completely different, the HIV drugs sound like a great way to loose weight, much like getting gonorrhea in India did for me.

Fronk, are you SURE that it was gonorrhea that you picked up in India? If so, that ought to be an intersting story as there are not too many ways one can contract gonorrhea!

No, I meant giardia, and I was joking. I just had the runs in a major way. On the plus side, I could eat whatever I wanted.

Fuck, I hate it when my jokes don't work out. Now I feel like a New Zealander, or more specifically, Minion.
mcsqueak says:

Sep 21 2011 at 5:58 pm

@Buck Rogers

@frank

@Buck Rogers

And, for something completely different, the HIV drugs sound like a great way to loose weight, much like getting gonorrhea in India did for me.

Fronk, are you SURE that it was gonorrhea that you picked up in India? If so, that ought to be an intersting story as there are not too many ways one can contract gonorrhea!

Yeah, that's like my cousin who had mono and claimed she had contracted it while playing beer pong in NYC. Likely story, indeed.
minion says:

Sep 21 2011 at 6:20 pm

@frank

@Buck Rogers

@frank

@Buck Rogers

And, for something completely different, the HIV drugs sound like a great way to loose weight, much like getting gonorrhea in India did for me.

Fronk, are you SURE that it was gonorrhea that you picked up in India? If so, that ought to be an intersting story as there are not too many ways one can contract gonorrhea!

No, I meant giardia, and I was joking. I just had the runs in a major way. On the plus side, I could eat whatever I wanted.
Fuck, I hate it when my jokes don't work out. Now I feel like a New Zealander, or more specifically, Minion.

Yeah whatever sunshine. You've got a LONG way to go before reaching pinnacles I've scaled. Step one: terrible spelling. That'll get you started.
scaler911 says:

Sep 21 2011 at 6:30 pm

@frank

@Buck Rogers

@frank

@Buck Rogers

And, for something completely different, the HIV drugs sound like a great way to loose weight, much like getting gonorrhea in India did for me.

Fronk, are you SURE that it was gonorrhea that you picked up in India? If so, that ought to be an intersting story as there are not too many ways one can contract gonorrhea!

No, I meant giardia, and I was joking. I just had the runs in a major way. On the plus side, I could eat whatever I wanted.
Fuck, I hate it when my jokes don't work out. Now I feel like a New Zealander, or more specifically, Minion.

I wasn't even going to go there. Did think that it'd be harder to get gonorrhea in India than, say, Thailand. I was also pretty sure that you wouldn't disclose that in a public forum! LMAO!
Marcus says:

Sep 21 2011 at 7:05 pm

@frank

@Buck Rogers

@frank

@Buck Rogers

And, for something completely different, the HIV drugs sound like a great way to loose weight, much like getting gonorrhea in India did for me.

Fronk, are you SURE that it was gonorrhea that you picked up in India? If so, that ought to be an intersting story as there are not too many ways one can contract gonorrhea!

No, I meant giardia, and I was joking. I just had the runs in a major way. On the plus side, I could eat whatever I wanted.
Fuck, I hate it when my jokes don't work out. Now I feel like a New Zealander, or more specifically, Minion.

New Rule to Self: do not borrow Frank's bikes. You never know what you might catch.
Buck Rogers says:

Sep 21 2011 at 7:06 pm

@frank

@Buck Rogers

@frank

@Buck Rogers

And, for something completely different, the HIV drugs sound like a great way to loose weight, much like getting gonorrhea in India did for me.

Fronk, are you SURE that it was gonorrhea that you picked up in India? If so, that ought to be an intersting story as there are not too many ways one can contract gonorrhea!

No, I meant giardia, and I was joking. I just had the runs in a major way. On the plus side, I could eat whatever I wanted.
Fuck, I hate it when my jokes don't work out. Now I feel like a New Zealander, or more specifically, Minion.

Nice story, Fronk. But don't worry, I'm sure that your VMH never reads this site anyways, and we, as your brothers, would never say anything to her. ;)
Buck Rogers says:

Sep 21 2011 at 7:07 pm

@Marcus

@frank

@Buck Rogers

@frank

@Buck Rogers

And, for something completely different, the HIV drugs sound like a great way to loose weight, much like getting gonorrhea in India did for me.

Fronk, are you SURE that it was gonorrhea that you picked up in India? If so, that ought to be an intersting story as there are not too many ways one can contract gonorrhea!

No, I meant giardia, and I was joking. I just had the runs in a major way. On the plus side, I could eat whatever I wanted.Fuck, I hate it when my jokes don't work out. Now I feel like a New Zealander, or more specifically, Minion.

New Rule to Self: do not borrow Frank's bikes. You never know what you might catch.

LOL!!! Chapeau!
frank says:

Sep 21 2011 at 7:34 pm

@Marcus

New Rule to Self: do not borrow Frank's bikes. You never know what you might catch.

They don't make wooden blocks large enough to allow you to reach the pedals anyway. So don't sweat it, mate.