Categories: La Vie Velominatus

La Vie Velominatus: Survive On V

Kelly, V-Bank drained as always. Photo: Cor Vos

It’s a beautiful, yet cruel sport, this. It punishes you for being lazy, for being unfit, but it also punishes you when you are at the top of your game. And as for Europe, well it’s sending out all kinds of mixed messages when it comes to cycling. Everyone rides, and a good number of them do it while smoking. If it’s good enough for them…

…It’s not good enough for me. I returned from Keepers Tour with a little smoking habit, one that has been an on again/off again affair over the years; mostly off I must say, but every now and then I like to partake in a puff (usually if someone else is smoking close by, and I’m drunk). With my bike stuck in Lille and me wandering around for a week or so after the trip ended, boredom set in and smoking seemed to help relieve it, five minutes at a stinking, coughing time.

As always, the inanity of the whole procedure quickly became apparent, and after returning to New Zealand with three weeks of no riding the ol’ airbags were in need of a good clean out. The usual dread of the first ride back was there, but so were the reserves of V. Luckily it was a solo ride, as the amount of hacking and spitting would’ve put even the most grizzled of sailors off. The bike acted like a chimney sweep for my lungs.

It was a great ride. Short, yes; slow, for sure; flat, you betcha. But it was a ride, and I survived. On V. It’s become my new motto. When you think your fitness is non-existent, when you make excuses not to ride or shy away from harder routes, just remember that you’ve got The V in reserve, deep down, even if dormant. It’s always in you. It will see you through those dark days and rise to the top when needed most. Shit, it’s inscribed right there on the leg of your bibs. Look down, drink it in, breathe it in if there’s room amongst the carcinogens, and use it.

No excuses. Survive on V.

Vive la vie Velominatus.

Brett

Don't blame me

View Comments

  • @frank

    It is! If I want to smoke, I smoke... if I want to stop, I stop. I will smoke again I'm sure, but I'll never be 'a smoker'.

  • @brett
    I've known others who have said that. You are in the definite minority. For the rest of us, once the nicotine gets its hooks in, it is almost impossible to stop.

  • @brett

    @Marko

    Does this mean we don't get to take "smoking breaks" on next years KT?

    Well not if this comes into place...

    WTFH? Why would I go there then? For the art? The hookers? The really cool Dutch folk? Hmmmmmm..........

  • I found out about living on V alone a few weeks ago... My first (imperial) Century of the year was attempted after three weeks of no riding. It was pretty grueling, but I did eventually finish the course. (Okay, I lied. My partner and I ended up shaving an 8km loop off the course and still finished after the course had closed.)

    Two weeks later, after two weeks of riding, I rode my second Century of the year and finished the entire course long before they closed it. It's good to have it back...

  • @brett

    @frank

    It is! If I want to smoke, I smoke... if I want to stop, I stop. I will smoke again I'm sure, but I'll never be 'a smoker'.

    i'm the same way. I've gone back and forth with the smoking, i found the bike keeps it away. I cannot do both, and lucky for me, my body chooses cycling. good piece, nice to know i'm not the only one.

  • @Jonny
    Whenever we hit a particularly steep climb on Keepers Tour - like the Koppenberg - @William would say, "Keep the powder dry until you get to the base of the steep bit. Then light that shit up, you fooking koont."

    Gold!

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