Categories: La Vie Velominatus

La Vie Velominatus: Survive On V

Kelly, V-Bank drained as always. Photo: Cor Vos

It’s a beautiful, yet cruel sport, this. It punishes you for being lazy, for being unfit, but it also punishes you when you are at the top of your game. And as for Europe, well it’s sending out all kinds of mixed messages when it comes to cycling. Everyone rides, and a good number of them do it while smoking. If it’s good enough for them…

…It’s not good enough for me. I returned from Keepers Tour with a little smoking habit, one that has been an on again/off again affair over the years; mostly off I must say, but every now and then I like to partake in a puff (usually if someone else is smoking close by, and I’m drunk). With my bike stuck in Lille and me wandering around for a week or so after the trip ended, boredom set in and smoking seemed to help relieve it, five minutes at a stinking, coughing time.

As always, the inanity of the whole procedure quickly became apparent, and after returning to New Zealand with three weeks of no riding the ol’ airbags were in need of a good clean out. The usual dread of the first ride back was there, but so were the reserves of V. Luckily it was a solo ride, as the amount of hacking and spitting would’ve put even the most grizzled of sailors off. The bike acted like a chimney sweep for my lungs.

It was a great ride. Short, yes; slow, for sure; flat, you betcha. But it was a ride, and I survived. On V. It’s become my new motto. When you think your fitness is non-existent, when you make excuses not to ride or shy away from harder routes, just remember that you’ve got The V in reserve, deep down, even if dormant. It’s always in you. It will see you through those dark days and rise to the top when needed most. Shit, it’s inscribed right there on the leg of your bibs. Look down, drink it in, breathe it in if there’s room amongst the carcinogens, and use it.

No excuses. Survive on V.

Vive la vie Velominatus.

Brett

Don't blame me

View Comments

  • Don't get me wrong, my "A-Merckx" above was not to condone the smoking; rather it was to emphasize the V-related sentiment of the article.

    I smoked regularly in college while I was a pretty hard-core mountain biker, but I was young and indestructible (read, "stupid"), so I didn't think it really affected me much. After numerous attempts, I was finally able to quit cold-turkey years ago (one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life), and haven't had one since. Contributing to that success, I think, is (quite honestly), my lack of a social night-life. If I frequented bars around others who smoked, especially in the early years just after I quit, I'm not sure if I would have been able to stick with it. Hell, even now I have the odd mild craving now and then.

    Nowadays, I'm paying the price for my time as a smoker. I was asthmatic as a young kid but had outgrown it. The smoking brought it back, and while I have it under control medically, it has never really left me. I have to carry a rescue inhaler on every ride, just in case.

    You really can't understate it: nicotine and smoking are insidious--nicotine is one of the most addictive drugs on the planet. The long term effects fuck up every part of your body. Brett talks about "sweeping out" your lungs, but in reality, the damage caused by those cigarettes stays with you for decades after you quit.

  • Was a terrible smoker for years (of all sorts of things but mostly tobacco), finally getting sick of hearing myself say I would give up I stopped with the help of a witch doctor three years ago. Never touched one since then, not even a drag when pissed up with smoker mates.

    Having started road riding a little over six months ago after playing in the mud since childhood I could never imagine riding a regular 160k with the 40-a-day habit I used to have.

    Smoking, now, scares the shit out of me, from what I have done in past and what it would probably do if I were to start again.

    Worshipping at the alter of Merckx keeps me off them for now and I would imagine will do forever, I know if I even had a puff on one I would be back on them in time, back to my old ways.

    It also means I can run a Campagnolo Gruppo, It's fucking poetic.

  • Good one Bretto, I'm glad you're off the sticks. I'll do my intervals for next year, because this fact isn't going to slow you down any.

    @The Oracle
    Its interesting, the stink of smoking. Back when I was in college, the smoking at the bars kept me from going to them, because you'd reek so bad afterwards, and your clothes stank and would make you want to puke in the morning. I pretty much stopped going to bars altogether, except when my band would play at one.

    Seattle is a really healthy town, and the first place I've lived that has smoking in bars outlawed. Boy is that ever nice, you can just go have a pint and leave without smelling like an ashtray. Now, when I go to a town that allows smoking in bars or when I go to Europe, it blows my mind how many people still smoke; I bet a week goes by in Seattle without me seeing a solitary smoker. When I smell smoke, I look around to see what the smell is. Its very strange.

    I used to smoke when out drinking in college from time to time, but I can tell you I'm fucking glad I never picked it up as a habit. Sounds absolutely awful to get off of those things, and they'll kill you and all that.

    @SimonH
    Holy smokes. Thats a lot of smoking, that's one obsessive personality you've got; explains a lot about why you fit in well over here. Glad to hear you're off those things.

  • Lighten up ladies. Smoking is cool!

    Seriously, let's not turn @brett's paean to the V into a bunch ninnywanking about smokers, smelling like ashtrays, boo hoo hoo. Rule V, fercrissakes.

  • @The Oracle
    I agree. Smoking has long term effects on a person. I quite for real about 2.5 years ago. I went through periods were I could put away a pack of non filtereds a day. Keep in mind I had my first smoke when I was 11. It was easy for a kid in NYC to get a pack.
    It makes it harder to get fit an stay fit. Don't do it Brett.

  • @sgt
    As a former smoker at the point where I finally no longer have the urge to light up when I see an old photo of Steve McQueen or James Dean, I will say that photo is one of, if not my favourite cycling photo of all time. Could anything possibly be more Casually Deliberate?

  • @frank
    Funny how things change. During the 90's, it seemed as if cigarettes were a required part of the Seattle grunge aesthetic. Or, at least, that was my perception.

    Wisconsin went smoke-free a few years ago, I'd gotten so used to not going into bars to avoid the smoke, that I still feel awkward bellying-up!

    @sgt
    While laying back smoking a stogie in impeccable kit exudes the essence of casual delberateness, I'd say quitting smoking requires shit-tons of V.

  • @niksch

    Interesting timing with this article @brett. Here are a couple articles about the Warrior Games at the US Air Force Academy this week, the Hand Cycling event was yesterday. These young men & women are displaying some heavy V. Pedaling a bike with your hands because you have no legs...or have no use of them? That is the shit. http://www.gazette.com/sports/dudek-137870-cord-knees.html http://www.gazette.com/sports/gaertner-137855-marine-air.html


    Hand Cycling Photo gallery here: http://articles.springsmilitarylife.com/sections/slideshow/?id=13932063


    There but for the grace of God go I.

    I participated in the Marine Corps Trials in Feb. That's the USMC's selection camp for the Warrior Games. They are overall defending champs and take competition seriously, so they invited us Canadians down, along with the UK's Royal Marines, the Dutch, French, Germans, Columbians, and Aussies. Just to give them some friendly competition. I have an article in the Guest Article wait list - I want to do a bit more revision with a bit of Gianni's help. Until then, here is a youtube of some footage of the road race...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vn9iO_J5XR8

  • I find it very easy to quit, so when I do have a little bit of time on them I know I will say "that's enough" and just cold turkey it. But I do fear what my lungs are like after a lot of 'other' substances passed into them during my 20s and 30s. Having been a rider concurrently must help a bit, although if I'm going to get cancer I'm pretty sure it'll be the lungs.

    @rigid @frank, that just makes me want to keep drinking more beer than both of you and smoking just to humble you some more!

Share
Published by
Brett

Recent Posts

Anatomy of a Photo: Sock & Shoe Game

I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Men’s World Championship Road Race 2017

Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Women’s World Championship Road Race 2017

The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Vuelta a España 2017

Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Clasica Ciclista San Sebastian 2017

This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…

7 years ago

Route Finding

I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…

7 years ago