The Cave

Rober Millar goes deep into the Pain Cave.

No words survive here, only echoes. Echoes of our hopes, of our plans, of our failures. What we thought we might do when we came here is little more than a shadow; it flickers on the walls for a moment and when we turn to look, it is gone. Doubts swell up and bounce off the walls until they become so loud they can no longer be heard.

Once we’ve entered, we can not return the way we came; the only way out is to descend into the darkness and through to the other side. When we emerge, we will breathe a new life, one where we are able to push a bit harder, and suffer a bit more. It is a better world, one with opportunity. One where we can make things happen because we have discovered a new limit of our will.

Pushing deeper into The Cave is learned over time. When we first enter, we will find ourselves in a small cavern with no apparent exit. As we train and explore its darkest corners, we discover a passage. We gather our courage and slip into a larger, darker cavern to explore. Beyond that, there lies another. Each holds its own unique strain of suffering, but with it comes also a degree of control; the choice to enter is ours and ours alone.

When I’m strong, my mind yearns for the cleansing qualities of The Cave. I feel almost the master of my pain, that I command its ebbs and flows. Even on days that don’t require it, I will hurt myself just to prove I can. When I’m chasing my fitness, however, I approach it with the same reluctance I had as a child when made to eat my vegetables. The suffering flows over me in waves and I am at the mercy of its current.

My training this summer has been erratic and unstructured. I’ve had some great periods, and just as I’ve neared a goal, either illness or travel unexpectedly reared up before me and interrupted my progress. A week away from the bike means another two weeks before I find myself back to where I was. Two weeks of drifting like a leaf in the current. Two weeks of knowing what lies beyond, unable to reach it.

Then the breakthrough, and into the next cavern. It is only through contemplating the darkest corners of The Cave that we discover its deepest passages and it is within the deepest passages that we may discover our purest selves.

Have courage and follow the path into The Cave. Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

sthilzy says:

Sep 10 2013 at 4:18 pm

@scaler911

Are seriously going to discuss "the cave" without posting this glorious (over posted) image?

Out the cave and lights out.
scaler911 says:

Sep 10 2013 at 4:25 pm

Gratuitous self shot of a hill climb TT just before the finish and dry heaves. A little back story: I hadn't scouted or ridden the 16 mile climb before, and got anoxic enough that at mile 13 I thought it was only supposed to be 14 miles (not the actual 16 and change), so I went "all in". The last 2 miles are actually the steepest. Fuck. (Larch Mtn OR for those in the know).
frank says:

Sep 10 2013 at 5:25 pm

@Harminator

@VeloSix

@il ciclista medio

Gotta chime in on these guys' perspectives. If you're keen for the cave, racing is where its at.

Sure you can push it hard by yourself and a club/group ride can make you push your limits but the true depths of the cave are best accessed in racing. (Applying Rule #70).

The difference is determined by the amount pressure on the pedals in a given circumstance. What affects the level of motivation to maintain (increase?) the pressure and what are the reasons to abate

I've always thought that solo efforts are characterized by interruptions by The Man with the Hammer. You can push hard, for a long periods of time but in the end, you're the captain of your own destiny. You can raise the white flag any time. Group rides take away your control of the pace. Sometimes this means you ride within your limits, sometimes you can control the pace and sometimes you're at the mercy of stronger riders. Sit in, take your turn, drive, draft - whatever. If you're the box there's not always a great incentive to maintain the effort. Its up to you. Its really only a training ride, right?

Race day is different. When the pace hots up there's not a lot that stands up in the court of Rule #5. You came to win the race, right? You have to be with the bunch at the line or you have to keep driving the break. Its what you came for. Changing up or breaking stroke is for misdirected also-rans.

And so...there is...the cave.

This. Nothing against not racing and be hard as fucking nails and pushing yourself over the cliff, but there is nothing like Race Day.

The deepest reaches of The Cave are thus explored.
frank says:

Sep 10 2013 at 5:27 pm

@wiscot

@Buck Rogers

@unversio

@frank

This guy is in a dark place, with no flashlight. Via our mate at BigRingRiding.

This guy makes me suspect that Angus Young used to road race.

When was this photo taken? I did not think that Merlin's were that old. This looks like an OLD pic.

My guess is it's in the UK (he's riding on the left-hand side of the road). I'd say late 70s, early 80s. Back then, TT races made up the majority of the sport's events. Road races were next and criteriums seldom held.

When I was a budding cyclist reading Cycling Weekly, this man was the bomb-diggedy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alf_Engers

Remember, those times were all set without the all mod cons of aero clothing, helmets, overshoes etc.And on open roads. Even today, his sub-50 minute 25 time is still a bit controversial because of traffic conditions. There were several courses in England that were held on four lane highways with loads of traffic. 12 1/2 miles out, 12 1/2 miles back with heavy trucks passing regularly = fast times!

Sean Yates would have been a contemporary of Engers. In 1980 Yates won the National 25 Championship. This was, believe it or not, one of the biggest cycling events of the year.

In the UK. And not anywhere else.

@Buck Rogers

@wiscot Cool history! Thanks!

Interesting that he has a spare tub and a frame pump on his bike. I would not think that he'd have those in a race.

To counter them, he is wearing a women's swim suit.
frank says:

Sep 10 2013 at 5:42 pm

@Chris

Ian coached me for the best part of 18 months. I had to give it up because I couldn't quit smoking cigarettes

Fixed your post.

@wiscot

I sure wish the Grand Tours would stop being so climber-oriented. Bring back the 100 + km time trials of yesteryear I say! That'll sort out the standings good and proper.

YES YES YES!!

@scaler911

I think Cipo is pretty deep in it here, with a shovel digging deeper:

Check out the V on his quad.

@scaler911 That sounds like the perfect amount of dumb!
unversio says:

Sep 10 2013 at 6:24 pm

@scaler911

Gratuitous self shot of a hill climb TT just before the finish and dry heaves. A little back story: I hadn't scouted or ridden the 16 mile climb before, and got anoxic enough that at mile 13 I thought it was only supposed to be 14 miles (not the actual 16 and change), so I went "all in". The last 2 miles are actually the steepest. Fuck. (Larch Mtn OR for those in the know).

(Freddie Prinze-Chico voice) "Not a man crush here, but you're looking good!" I've always learned the hardest lessons from not knowing where the finish started -- every time "what tha'fuck!"
il ciclista medio says:

Sep 10 2013 at 6:38 pm

@scaler911

I think Cipo is pretty deep in it here, with a shovel digging deeper:

but he still looks fabulously smooth as always. The man is, was and always will be an Adonis on the bike.
unversio says:

Sep 10 2013 at 6:44 pm

@frank

@Harminator

@VeloSix

@il ciclista medio

Gotta chime in on these guys' perspectives. If you're keen for the cave, racing is where its at.

Sure you can push it hard by yourself and a club/group ride can make you push your limits but the true depths of the cave are best accessed in racing. (Applying Rule #70).

The difference is determined by the amount pressure on the pedals in a given circumstance. What affects the level of motivation to maintain (increase?) the pressure and what are the reasons to abate

I've always thought that solo efforts are characterized by interruptions by The Man with the Hammer. You can push hard, for a long periods of time but in the end, you're the captain of your own destiny. You can raise the white flag any time. Group rides take away your control of the pace. Sometimes this means you ride within your limits, sometimes you can control the pace and sometimes you're at the mercy of stronger riders. Sit in, take your turn, drive, draft - whatever. If you're the box there's not always a great incentive to maintain the effort. Its up to you. Its really only a training ride, right?

Race day is different. When the pace hots up there's not a lot that stands up in the court of Rule #5. You came to win the race, right? You have to be with the bunch at the line or you have to keep driving the break. Its what you came for. Changing up or breaking stroke is for misdirected also-rans.

And so...there is...the cave.

This. Nothing against not racing and be hard as fucking nails and pushing yourself over the cliff, but there is nothing like Race Day.

The deepest reaches of The Cave are thus explored.

Race day a cave attempt is carefully mapped and then followed with reckless abandon. The survey discovers a whole new lower level.
Marcus says:

Sep 10 2013 at 6:57 pm

@scaler911

Gratuitous self shot of a hill climb TT just before the finish and dry heaves. A little back story: I hadn't scouted or ridden the 16 mile climb before, and got anoxic enough that at mile 13 I thought it was only supposed to be 14 miles (not the actual 16 and change), so I went "all in". The last 2 miles are actually the steepest. Fuck. (Larch Mtn OR for those in the know).

And from the look of your gloves you must have come straight off the golf course.
scaler911 says:

Sep 10 2013 at 7:25 pm

@Marcus They're velcro. That climb is in farm country...........