The climber in a gorilla suit is a mysterious beast.
There is a force upon this world which governs all manner of voodoo and wizardry. This force ensures the streak in your windshield wiper is always precisely at eye level. It ensures that the phone call goes to voicemail just as you touch the “answer” button. It ensures that a product which you endlessly encountered but did not need will vanish into oblivion the moment it becomes of use.
The more time I spend as a Cyclist, the more apparent it becomes to me that this force also controls which of us are to become good climbers or bad climbers. I will never be a good climber, however much I enjoy it; I am much too big for it. But I climb well enough for my weight because I enjoy the work and the suffering. I enjoy testing to see how far I can push myself.
I see small, powerful riders and I imagine they must go uphill like a whisper on the wind, but when the climb comes, they drift back in the group and disappear down the road the wrong way. The mysterious force has decreed that they shall not be a good climber, especially for their weight.
Most mysterious is the large rider who goes uphill like a beast; they are too big, too heavy, and too strong to defy gravity like the mountain goats do, with none of the grace and fluidity that the true grimpeur holds. Yet they go to the front and heap coals on the fire, sending everyone on their wheel deep into the pain cave. This rider is the Climber in a Gorilla Suit, and they are the sleeper agents of the peloton.
Look out; there likely is one lurking on the group ride tonight.
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@Teocalli
Tents without sew ins? Jeez, no wonder they call it glamping now
@Teocalli
Ha yeah
@Teocalli
Ha! yeah I try to avoid the mirror at all cost, after 40 well I don't need to see that
@gilly
As I remember it, it had it's own macro climate. Can get really nasty down there, particularly in the winter.
@anthony
There comes a point when they come back into their own so you can check that you did actually manage to get up in the morning.
@Teocalli
Well said! Cheers.
How does this - http://cyclingtips.com/news/just-enough-tools-jet-roll-iii-tool-roll-review/ - fit in with rule #29?
@xvckcvx
Don't no bout these boy's but I think tool rolls, especially when fastened with a toe strap are completely awesome.
@anthony
Still think it's an EPMS. If it's a tube, then you can use a toe strap.
Shit! At 171cm and 68~70 kg I thought I was small, it turns out that I'm only "real world small" and that once over the border into Velominatiland I'm decidedly medium... Maybe verging on large...
Still can't climb worth a fuck, though...
@dinosaurJR
The funny part is that my cycling buddies want me to put on weight as I'm useless for drafting!
@Teocalli
Drafting... I read that the best times to be putting your nose in the wind is on full on climbs and full gas descents - never on the flat.
On a related topic, I have a really short head tube on my main bike (I wouldn't go as far to say my #1 bike, as I use her for commuting, but she does have a genuine gruppo, though... well, really a collection of some Italo-Romanian bits...) and the result is that if I get really down into the drops and give it my best Whale shark impersonation there is literally nothing for wheel suckers to draft...
I might be medium-verging-on-large in Velominatiland, but a big diesel I most certainly ain't.